116. Resisting Sleep

William makes a high pitched whine when when he's tired now. Recently when he's been sleeping, he cries out a little, and then goes back to sleep. Today he woke up enamored of his hands, fingers and wrist. He woke up at 4. He wasn't too loud, Diana suggests that I don't pick him up right away. But I was awake. I fed him, and he still had his eyes open. So I walked him around some and he finally fell asleep. I put him in the bed, and he woke up right away. Since it was getting close to 5, Diana woke up and fed him some. She laid him down next to me, and he woke up later at 7:30. I watched him play with his toys and walked him, fed him, changed him. I went down and got the paper, but didn't read much. I wanted to look at him. He was very smiley, and sweet. I wanted to feed him breakfast, but I thought he was close to sleep. I ended up walking him for 30 minutes, for a 30 minute nap. He was cranky and fussed, it really wasn't worth the nap, because he resisted. I think I need to resist sleep more, I've been sleeping a lot lately, a lot in the post William context. Not so much in the pre William context. Diana resists sleep, and goes down quickly when she finally gets into bed. I took him over to his grandmother's. He seemed to like the walk. It's not as cold as yesterday. Giving him up is so bittersweet. I've never been more stressed out in my life taking care of him, but it's also been the most wonderful thing. I guess like many things, it's mixed. I hate to give him up, I feel like I'm abandoning him.