152. Guilt

I woke up from a haze of sleep, to realize I had turned the baby monitor off. William had been crying for a while. I don't know how long. I felt terrible. He had torn down the mobile too, really a sign of play, but in my guilt riddled mind, an act of desperate destruction at being betrayed. He was weepy and didn't want milk. He sat next to me, and every once in a while leaned into me, because he needed a hug. And I had to quickly bundle him up into his snow suit, and take him to his grandmother's. I confessed my transgression to her, and she took it to mean that Diana had turned off the monitor, which she had not, and she told Diana at work, and she was infected with a horrible wracking guilt.

I got to Diana's parent's place and it was packed. Natasia, Venus, AJ, Emma, Harry, Angelique, plus Veronica and of course Abuela and Abuelo. Bubbub did not seem to want to have anything to do with me, my guilt interpreted his interest in Natasia and Venus playing, as ignoring me.

Diana is struggling with me going back to work. She's behind at work, she feels bad as a wife and as a mother. She will find the balance, I feel confident in her.