147. Retreat and Return

Driving away from William Friday night I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, sort of like the one I had when I went to work the first day. I'd signed up for a retreat a while ago, and somehow it was this weekend. And I'd promised to drive people up. Ultimately everyone but Alyssa canceled, but still she wanted to go. I was planning on driving Nagabodhi back. It's a great honor to do something for such a wonderful dharma teacher. I've bowed out of a lot of things in my day, and I want to become a man of my word. But the pain was acute. But soon enough I was distracted, and the retreat went really well. I meditated a lot, learned a lot through lectures and small groups. I learned a lot more about the FWBO puja, which I'd already come to love on a Manapa retreat almost 2 years ago. And I learned more about Shantideva's text that it's based on. I got to be outdoors, eat good food, meet some really nice people, and see some old friends. And I got to get some distance from my first 6 plus months with William. And a good night's sleep. Alyssa drove, back, she's a good driver. I got to know Nagabodhi better.

When I got home Sunday evening, William was asleep. I got to hold him for a while, but I was glad when he woke up when I put him down in the crib. That's almost a certain way to wake him up, put him down in the crib. He gave me a special smile that I will never forget. And a nice one in the morning too. And a nice one when I came home today. He's such a sweety, I'm devoted to him. I vow to make the most of every opportunity to be with him. Tonight we're very exhausted and everyone is going to bed at 9.