69. Oral Stage

We were taking William over to his grandfather's house, to pick up his car, to get Aida from the airport. And William had the blanket in his hands. And naturally he began moving his hands towards his mouth. He looked like a freightened person, but really he's just trying to put everything in his mouth.

He likes to talk a lot. He "talked" to Aida all the way on the ride home.

He's so heavy now. Diana wakes up for the first morning feeding, and puts him back to bed, and goes back to bed. I wake up for the second morning feeding. He's so heavy. My arms feel the sting in the muscles.

He's got active eyes. He watches us eat things, me brush my teeth.

I've given him baths to past couple of days. I really like to give him a bath. I love that clean boy.

His grandmother in Chicago got him a bilingual book. Aida and his abuela got him some Spanish language books in Ecuador. If I was bilingual, I would have a job already. I hope he is.

I've still got the lingering cold that William got first. He's gotten rid of it a long time, mine lingers. I malinger.

68. What a weekend!

I've been sick all weekend, but William continues to thrive. He's planting his foot, and twisting, about to turn over, he just needs to overcome his arm. He's also looking a lot more and more alertly. He's smiling a lot more, and you can play with him more, to try to get him to smile or keep him from crying to be picked up. He's slept a lot today, sleeping from midnight to 9, with a few wake ups to feed, and then took a 3 hour nap. His hair is so long, but Diana says no way we are cutting it. Everything is getting bigger. In a way, it takes forever for him to change, and in another he's changing so quickly you can hardly keep track of him. It's really quite amazing. I think he is beginning to see Diana as a person, more of a person than before. He much prefers breast feeding now, and if not, then he likes the bottle to have breast milk. He turns away from the bottle after it takes the edge off his hunger, at least this morning. Poor Diana gets exhausted, and my being sick has not helped. We've extended the weekend into Monday and now it's hard to get going on Tuesday. What will it be like when I get a job? It will be a big adjustment. I hope to work though, it will be good for my self esteem. I'm trying to make the most of it, thinking that this is the most precious time. And it is, but I'd rather look back from the vantage point of employment. Oh well, enjoy the moment, right?!

67. What a week!

Diana took an intensive class that lasted a week. Compounding the difficulty was that I had a cold. So like Wednesday when William would not sleep without being held, I almost lost it. But I kept it together, and I've come through to the other end. It is Friday and Diana was up all night writing a paper. She got 2 hours sleep, and she's presenting her pages in class today. I am tired too, still sick, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow we're at Virginia's and I can rest. It was not easy to be woken up out of my Nyquil haze, to take care of William at 3 in the morning. I thought I woke up, but Diana reports she hit me.

To watch William grow up day by day is amazing. He scratches his face one day, and the next day the scratch has healed. He's growing and growing. Right now his thing is to talk in a kind of call and response, with his baby jabber. It's really quite cute. He says his peice, then I say something and then he says something. He could do that for a long time, and Diana does it a lot with him.

Most days I didn't get into formula until later, and some days he did not drink any formula. I'm proud he's not had much formula. Diana is doing a really good job of feeding him. Even writing her paper, she took breaks to feed him. She's a trooper.

William likes to watch TV. I've been watching Le Tour de France, which I love. He sits up and watches it with me, not fussing. My right arm is sore, I hold him mostly with that one. Looks like Lance Armstrong will win his record 6 tour. I wonder if he's taking an undetectable biological drug. I hope William never cheats in sports like all these professional athelets are.

66. Cold Continues

William still has a cold. At first he would sneeze and then just look around. Now he sneezes, and then groans. He's tired of it.

He woke up from a nap today, to see a mirror. I think it kind of freaked him out, and Diana reading that you can introduce them at 5 months, made me wonder if we've rushed him. Of course I like to think he's advanced, and he's in the 95% for size, but still. I worry. So many things can go wrong.

I never really understood Melanie Klein's good breast/bad breast, but to see William raging at Diana's breast.

William was talking to his mom. I caught a little on tape, but mostly I missed it. I finished our 6th 90 minute tape in the camborder since he was born. I've got over 600 photos of him. He's 3 months and 4 days old.

I was worried the AC would dehumidfy the air, and cause William's cold to worsten, but he's happier in the cooler air.

65. First Cold

Diana was worried, William was all stuffed up. So we called the doctor and he said come in. William weighs 18lbs, 8oz, gaining 3 lbs in a month. He just has a cold, there's nothing you can do. We can use a decongestant if it gets really bad, and he can't breath while eating, but the doctor mostly recommended not doing anything.

I asked about going in the pool. He said pools are where lots of germs are, so it's best to avoid pools this year, next year.

We asked about constipation. He said just put a thermometer there to remind the muscles what to do, come in on the 4th day if there's a problem. He should not drink water to "stimulate" him, it would effect his electrolyte balance, but he could drink 1-2 oz of anisette tea.

I asked if he's "over weight". The doctor said it's not possible, if he's not eating hard food. I said, "he can't eat hard food for a while yet, right?" The doctor said yes, but that some people feed their babies earlier.

We went to the hospital to see 1 day old Nicole Makai, William's cousin, that was born 3 months after him. He's so light, and cute. We could not take the baby in, so I talked to people who thought he was cute outside. They said he's very cute, they could tell he's breast fed. The social workers don't like to shame mothers who don't breast feed, but it's better. I asked if they had any jobs, and while it's not really what I want to do, might be interesting for a little while, I got the number to call. Babies are really cute. Nicole is so tiny. Jacky was saying, "isn't she big?!" But I just had held William who is 10 lbs heavier. They're matching them up, but Diana says no cousins can date. I saw an article in the Times that even second cousins are not as bad as they thought it was, really it's OK genetically, but Diana does not care. To get me back for teasing her, she said William is going to be a Catholic Priest. I said it's OK if he's a Buddhist Priest.

Alexandra was going to baby sit William for us tonight, Diana and I are going to see a movie! Our first movie out since he's born. But Diana wanted to stay with William while he was vulnerable.

64. 3 Months Old

William has been fussy the past couple of days. Constipate, gas, hunger, sleep, teething? He can't say. He seems to have grown, his legs are longer, his head is bigger. His poop is changing, it's not like it used to be, no seeds, but a paste. He's 3 months old today and now can have powdered formula.

The person downstairs is into karaoke. I enjoy movies in the daytime and Judging Amy.

Diana wants hard copies of photos. She got a bunch the other day in the mail, but she wants baptism photos.

Last night he was crying and fussing. I asked for him, and held him and he stopped. I think that's the first time that's happened. I see now that it's just timing in a way.

I learned from watching Paquita last weekend, how to interact with babies. She puts he head close and makes cute noises. It's a kind of way of interacting with a baby, and I learned by observing.

Diana took William shopping yesterday and turned him outwards in the snugglie. He loved it. Apparently he looked a lot (with out expression) at a black man who kept making faces to him.

I think I'm lactose intolerant now. I had a lot of cheese last night, and then this morning I had a cream cheese bagel, and my stomach hurt very much. Intestinal pain, I had a certain sympathy for William's trials and tribulations.

I was driving into the city yesterday and was blasting Charles Gayle, a wailing free jazzman. I realized, I can't really listen to free jazz while Diana or William are around.

I'm going to try harder to get a job, this blog is distracting. I hope to keep it up, but I'm not going to be writing in it as regularly.

63. Getting Stronger

When I woke up, I offered to take over with William. He was waking up. But he wasn't fully woken up, he sucked down a bottle with his eyes closed. I played with him for a while, and after a while he began fussing again, and he fell asleep a few seconds after I put a bottle into his mouth. I put him in the crib and he slept for 20 minutes, and then he cried and I picked him up, and he slept for another hour. I finally put him back in bed, and Diana woke up, and said, "why didn't you put him with me?" I wanted her to sleep. She does so much.

I got my application in for my professional exam. We hung around. Then we went to Alex's and picked her up and then fed Aida's fish. I dropped them back off at Alex's, and I came home.

When William was born, I lost the hearing in my left ear. Several days later, I got fed up and went to the emergency room, and got it cleaned out. What a relief.

I was so annoyed when Saturday I couldn't hear out of my left ear, it was clogged again. Today I decided to try and flush it out. I flushed and flushed. About the 30th time, I got through, and a huge chunk of wax came out. Yeck. I can hear again! The TV was jacked up. Some things just swamp me, and I'm not as open to William.

William is kicking more. Diana thinks he might be teething. He's talking a lot, and he's just so adorable. He's getting bigger, and soon soon, he will be tough to contain.

62. Bruiser

Diana has a bruise on her chin from William. We wonder if he's teething, but that's early for an boy 4 days from 3 months. He hasn't really done anything new I can advertise to my parents, but he seems to be following with his eyes more, pushing off on the ground stronger, and he likes to vocalize a lot, which is cute, and makes me think he might be a good communicator. I hope so.

Yesterday Paul came over, and we worked out, went to the pool, had a BBQ and watched the Mets game and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Paquita and Jimmy continue to provide key assistance with William. I really wish I could take him into the pool. Soon, though.

Diana came downstairs and plopped William on me, "if you're not eating, then hold him so I can." Of course, always a pleasure. Hamburgers earlier were not enough, they had to have lentils and rice with their meal.

Virginia was so tired, Diana would not let her take William. William woke up at 2, 4, and 6. But she got her nap later.

I called my parents. They missed only getting photos of the day on Tuesday and Wednesday.

We were talking to the neighbor. She's selling her place, and we have not seen the guy around. Turns out he died in April, at age 31, of heart disease. She's 26. You can go at any time, I really believe it. I'd like to at least make it to seeing William off to college, but it's always going to be hard to leave him.

William took a 3 hour nap. He woke up dopey, ate, and then wiggled on the ground for a while with me. Then Diana took him up and he talked a little bit.

61. The Soothing Chin

They gave him a bath while I was out on the porch, and I missed it. The only way they could get him to stop crying was for Diana to put her chin in his mouth. He's eating now, relieved, but still fussing at the memory of the indignity of his crying.

I took care of William while Diana, Paquita, Alex and Virginia went to the Madonna concert. He sucked down the bottle of breast milk. Towards the end he wiggles quite a lot. He gives good burps and farts, and the pressure is relieved.

Jimmy wanted to help out, and walked William into a nap. He napped for 30 minutes and woke up. I held him for a while, and then Jimmy took him again. I almost wanted to take him back, but I realized, I'm there for the long haul, and I need to let other people get attached to him. Taking care of him really gets me attached to him. I like getting to know his rhythms.

He fell asleep when his mother came home, he was relieved to see her, or so I imagined. He got up at 4:30 and again later. I woke up and they were in Virginia's room. I took care of him for a while, until I smelled coffee that Paquita made, and went downstairs. She insisted on holding him, so I went out and read on the porch. I'm reading an exquisite novel, Great Fire by Shirley Hazzard. Paul is coming out today, and I'm looking forward to the visit.

60. 78 Day Old Boy

William woke at 5 and his mother did not. I asked her if she wanted me to get him a bottle. She said yes. He fell asleep again, but he was having frequent cycles of wiggle grunting, without eye opening. So finally I picked him up and fed him a bottle. He's got gas, but he hasn't pooped in a while so we're wondering if he's constipate.

We're in New Jersey with Jimmy and Paquita. Diana likes the central air, and with her mother out of town, I guess Virginia becomes more important to her. Not that she's not important to us both, she's very important to us both. There is a sort of "I want my mommy" phenomenon when you have children, though. I want my mother around.

I woke up, and even though William went back to bed, I was not yet ready. It's harder for me to wake up, and harder to go back down. So I read the paper, and Virginia got up, and we chatted a little before she went off to work. I went back to bed finally, and slept very late. The day is already gone. Once I meditate and go to the bathroom, and check my e-mail, it's already 3pm. It's so hard to do things with children. I also need a job to provide more structure for my day. I need to take the licensing test, I would have had an interview yesterday if I had passed it, but I have not even signed up for it. So I went out looking for a notary republic yesterday so I could complete the form, but the banks were closed, and I could not find one elsewhere. Ugh. I need to get focused, get a job, but it's hard, I've gotten used to the looseness of the day with my boy.

Diana thinks he's teething, or pre-teething, and she's introduced a teething ring for William, a colorful band, that he can chew on. He still prefers his fist. When he uses his other fist to push the other one in, it looks like he's praying. He's definitely into putting his fist into his mouth.

Jimmy says he knows who I am, he follows me with his eyes, which is good to hear. I notice it with Diana. She's got the beast milk advantage. It still amazes me that children are fed from the milk a human body produces. I've milked a cow, so I know where milk comes from, but it's really quite amazing. Those things are functional as well as objects of desire.

Gretchen might be visiting us at the end of the month, that would be wonderful. He needs to meet his auntie Gretchen!

59. Cute Sweet Boy Blue

He wore his outfit that said, "Blue", and I kept calling him "boy blue". He's so sweet, cute and adorable. It just kills me how precious, adorable he is. I could gush and gush. For some reason, his wonderfulness keeps surprising me.

Diana got up a all the time this morning, poor tired hard working mother. She took William to Forest Hills to get out. Diana, William and I are going to be stressed as Diana's mother, Aida and Natasia are in Ecuador for 3 weeks. That's assuming the plane leaves the ground, they had a 9 am departure time, and it's been moved back to 2. Yikes.

I wanted to take William to Addabbo to show off to my former friends at my first internship, but we did not get out of New Jersey quickly enough. I had this sinking feeling, as I knew I could not push Diana to rush to get her going, she's got enough of her plate.

William fell asleep between us. We were both tired, and Diana put him between us.

Ugh, I just got a call for an interview, but I didn't pass my licensing exam (I haven't even signed up) so I didn't get an interview. UGH. Virginia says to quit blogging and sign up. OK.

58. Emma

Yesterday, the whole family was around, and the day before. I got to hold Emma, who has a different feel to her. She also cries at the drop of a hat, and throws her arms back. She's got a loud cry, and I kept whispering to William not to get any ideas. Different babies have different feels to them, even if they're cousins. They're very different babies.

Diana fed William the first couple of rounds this morning. I got up for the one I would when he usually gets up when I take care of him. I fed him and walked him around and took care of him for a while. I walked a little outside. He seems to know to not look into the sun. And we sat on the porch and let the wind hit him, look at the swaying trees.

I'm used to Virginia taking care of William over night, she's done it the past 3 nights, bless her. I call Virginia the energizer bunny. She was constantly supporting the kids and parents, feeding, taking Venus and Natasia to the pool, watching everyone while Diana and I took a nap. She's probably the best at keeping Emma from crying, she knows the shake she needs, outside her mother.

57. 4th of July

Diana said William did not sleep well last night, but he just had a stopped up nose. I've had a little something, my head has been foggy, but who knows what that is. He got up at 2 and 5 for a bottle, and then Diana fed him around 7. Virginia took care of him in the night again, bless her. When I got up he was sleeping. He woke up and fed some and then he pooped and Virginia and Diana gave him a bath. I fed him and he fell asleep, and he slept on Diana, me, Aida, Virginia and finally woke up with Jimmy. Harry had to go to work. Not before we had to watch some of the Rocky marathon. I'm not sure what's American about those movies, but Virginia says they watched all the movies as children. ESPN did not make Rocky one of it's picks for the top 25 sports movies.

Everyone has come over for the 4th of July BBQ. They're all at the pool now, I'm watching the Mets game. He's talked a little bit when Diana's parents came. He's been handed around to everyone. Paquita likes him. Poor Natasia has nobody to play with, she's the only kid her age. Victor said, "next year this time, William will be running around." That's hard to imagine. The rest of the day promises to be one where he's handled by everyone, and I'll get him when everyone loses interest, or they want to see me with him. Sometimes people want to see me handle him. Harry had to go to work, I don't know if Emma is coming, AJ and Venus. Robyn is out of town with her mother. The big family get together. Makes me miss my side of the family. I wish I had more money to go visit them. I do have the time at the moment.

56. Cotton Eyed Joe

William slept from 10 to 6:30, 8.5 hours. Quite a sleep for him. Babies are supposed to sleep 14 hours, but not in one go. He will make up the 5.5 the rest of the day. Diana and Virginia took him shopping, and I'd rocked him to sleep just before they left. He likes to sleep in the car. Virginia, bless her, took care of William over night. We woke up early, Diana was full. She pumped, and then we fed him the bottles. She gets an ounce more from the left one. High grade fuel for my little boy.

Virginia called him a bobble head doll, when he was sitting on the couch. His head is still not totally stable, but I'm always amazed at his progress. He's a lot stronger. Lots of video taking and photos. My mom asked, "is he turning over yet?" He's only 10 weeks and 3 days old!

They put him in an outfit that Marie gave him, with shorts and a hat. The other day when Diana put a hat on him, she called him Cotton Eyed Joe. I've been singing that song to him, and others. He's brought out the singer in me.

I love Virginia's porch in the morning before the sun gets on it. I sat outside with William and walked him around a little when he got to be fussy. When the sun hit the corner, I let him get some vitamin D on his arm and legs for a few minutes. I put his sun glasses on, which Rich was amazed they have for babies. I like him seeing green, feeling wind, seeing the blue sky, clouds. He's inside a lot so far, which is good. I wonder what it would be like to have children before civilization began. Pretty scary stuff.

Diana and Virginia went out to get a pedicure last night and left me with him. He was a little fussy, and needed to be held and walked. There were some good times, but he also wore me out. He fussed and fussed, and then Virginia took him and he fell asleep. Eeek. I like it that she wants to hold him, and really likes him. They gave him a bath in the sink in the bathroom, yesterday, and I video taped some of it.

55. Waking Daddy

He slept 7 hours again. Diana got up and fed him, and pumped the other breast. I woke for the second morning feeding and fed him the bottle of breast milk. Diana says, "ever since I threatened to wake daddy up at 3, he's slept through the night." He's got the hickups right now. He likes to grab his head sometimes.

His hair is starting to come forward in the front. Last night Diana just put on a t-shirt, and he's got the diaper and t-shirt look for the first time.

Everyone love William at his grandmother's place of work. They commented on his hair like everyone else.

I had a dream last night the towers went down again, it was a Mad Max situation, and William was in the dream. Not nice.

54. 10 Week Tongue

Saddhamala thinks William is adorable. I certainly do. He's trying to get his mother's attention by "talking" while she talks on the phone to her mother.

I almost fell yesterday with him, and he got scared. His mother was there in seconds, when she heard the cry. All was OK, I just felt horrible for scaring him.

Diana just said, "will you change him please." I changed his diaper, perhaps the most urine filled diaper I've ever changed, thus far.

William slept through the night, no 3 wakeup. I woke up and he was between us. Diana sleeps with him on her chest, but rolled him off, in between us, for the first time. He's got a cradle right next to the bed, so he's practically with us, but this was the first time with both of us in bed.

Yesterday he was 10 weeks, and he stuck his tongue out today. Alyssa said babies can stick their tongues out, and I tried to get him to do it, but he did not really do it until yesterday. Today he is ten weeks and one day. What will he do today?