15. Breast Milk Warms Diana

Diana is pumping, she's taking Madonna's advice, and she's expressing herself. One of the frozen breast milk bottles fell, and broke, so they thawed it, and Virginia is feeding it to him now, on the stairs. Diana has come up to V's room to pump her full udders. It makes a peculiar sound, it's almost like the pump says, "I don't know." Diana is saying that the breast automatically makes the milk the right temperature for the baby. The bottles rest on her legs and she says they're warm. He drank the whole bottle, now V is burping him up here.

I feel asleep early last night. Diana stayed up till 2am to let her parents in. We've got 4 children, and 7 adults here, for Memorial Day. He slept till 6am, and Diana fed him. It woke me up a little bit, she stayed in the room. He fell asleep on her chest. Virginia took him at 9, and fed him a bottle, and he slept 3 hours. He seems to like to sleep in large crowds. V. went grocery shopping, and everyone held him. His abuelo, Judy, his abuela, Aida.

He's still in his PJs, he hasn't defecated himself out of them, like he did out of 2 outfits yesterday.

Last night we watched 2 Baby Einstein DVDs. I'm going to put them on play repeatedly when I'm taking care of him during the day, probably. Stimulate him. One is languages, they speak in a bunch of languages. The other one is Bach.

14. Tiff

I pledged the care of William, but he was crying. Earlier when he was crying, I just sat there with him, Diana wanted me to comfort him. So when he cried, I said, "no, I can comfort him." Maybe I took umbrage first. But that got Diana mad, and she huffed, "fine, you take care of him." She took a shower, and I ended up, after trying to walk him, feeding him a bottle. I sat out on the porch as the sun went down, and it was quite pleasant, but a mite cold, so I brought him back in, and changed his diaper.

Diana came down and we made up a little, and she changed his diaper after a while. She was sitting there, she said, "we're all clean." And then William pooped out of his diaper, getting his new outfit dirty. She changed it, so I didn't feel like it was my bad diapering. I've got to stop being paranoid I'm going to make a mistake, I've already made plenty of them.

Now my question is whether it's a 9 poopy diaper, if she made the diaper too low in the back? I guess it doesn't matter, he pooped out his diaper, by definition, a level 9 poopy diaper. Earlier for me, he only had a 4.

Earlier Diana had instructed me to make a tighter diaper. He urinated out of his diaper, and messed up an outfit.

So she changed him, the whole outfit, plus diaper. He wiggled a while, and then fell asleep. He woke up, wiggled some more, and now he's eating again. Little guy can't get enough.

V, Aida, Natasia and Robyn are on their way back. Diana is ordering some Italian food.

The Zen advice about my worry about taking care of him from 7am till 3-4pm is not to worry. Just be absorbed in what I'm doing. Nothing special. But is that emotional repression, or is that pointing to how when you meditate you have more objectivity about the thoughts of the mind?

It's been an odd day. I got up really early, then slept late, and felt odd all day. I feel really tired now, and I've done very little today. I look forward to Sparky being held by Aida and Virginia. They dote on little William and I like to see it. He's pretty special to me.

13. Bath time is video time

Diana fed William, and he wiggled on the couch for a little while. He reminds me of his namesake when he moves his arms sometimes. He pushes off with his feet. He likes Virginia's red couch, but he seemed to be making eye contact with me, while I watched the Mets blow up. His hair is so funny, a point in front, standing up, and swooshed towards his face from the sides. I push it behind his ears.

Then he filled up his diaper. Are you through yet? We don't want to change the diaper too soon, but we don't want him to stew in his own juices too long. Diana changed him, and decided it was bath time.

So we went to the bathroom sink. His eczema seems to be clearing up some. Diana got some more video tapes, so I video taped some of the bath, when she didn't need my help. There's a big mirror. We washed him, and then put him in his bath towel, and washed his hair. He was crying when we were drying him off, and putting some clothes onto him. We put on Cetaphil for his skin. His cries escalated. So she fed him, and now he's asleep.

12. Late Night

I missed William something fierce, yesterday. When he got home, it seemed like he'd grown an inch and gained a pound. We watched Down With Love, and put him to bed around 2am. I love it when he's all scrunched up, sleeping on my chest.

Around 3:30am, I heard the diaper rumblings, and then again. I was strangely awake, and Diana was strangely asleep, so I got up and changed his poopy Diaper, which was an 8. I fed him 4 oz. of formula and tried to rock him to sleep. But he kept fussing, and at one point he pulled away from me, and really started wailing. It woke Virginia up, and she fed him another 4 oz. I worried she was passing the puke zone. I'd never gotten past 6 oz. spread over more time.

Sure enough, he puked, but only a little bit. I went to soak it off her shirt, and she said to get him first. Then when I went to wipe it off him, she said, "gentle, he has baby skin."

I walked him to sleep, finally. I swaddled and put him to bed to the sounds of international lullabies, a CD my aunt Celeste gave me. I slept till 1pm, I was so exhausted from the ordeal.

I've just been holding him. He produced another monster diaper, another 8, and was the wiggle boy. Natasia, Robyn, Virginia and Aida went to a birthday part in Staten Island, a luau. Diana's feeding him now.

I fear for Tuesday. How am I going to handle being sleep deprived? Nobody is going to be around, like Virginia last night, to bounce ideas off, have opinions. I'll be OK though, and so will sweet William.

Missing him was a dull ache that just kept growing. We were planning on going for a hike today, but I don't feel so well. It's going to take me even longer to adjust to the stress of really taking care of him. Diana has been working so hard. I bet going back to work is going to feel like a break after taking care of William so much.

11. Web Sites, plus Missing Him

Just a reminder, here are William's web sites:

http://www.geocities.com/pinchmitra/sparky.html
http://www.geocities.com/pinchmitra/photopagespiral.html
http://www.geocities.com/pinchmitra/photopagespiral2.html
http://www.geocities.com/pinchmitra/photopagespiral3.html
http://www.geocities.com/pinchmitra/photopagespiral4.html

Last night I got to NJ where we're staying for the weekend, and William was just so cute. He is also vocalizing more (at 6 weeks, 2 days), more than just crying, grunting and his sleeping cooing, which I love. He's wiggling a lot. Not too soon now he will be rolling over, and the race is on.

When I went to bed, Diana said she didn't mind staying up with him till he went to sleep. "Just wait," she said, "till I go back to work, then you won't be getting any sleep." When Diana thought he was down, she put him into Virginia's room. Virginia gives Diana and I, most Diana, a break by taking him for a night, letting Diana sleep till she wakes up (a real luxury). Virginia is very sweet and giving.

This morning he was asleep when I got up, and I went to my Buddhist study group. Now they're in Penn., visiting relatives. I like relatives, but I feel stuck when it's such a long journey, and I like to be able to go home when I want to. So I'm not seeing much of Sparky today. I miss him. I feel so...ugh...it's hard to express. I can handle it though, unlike poor Diana who is loathing going back to work on Tuesday. In part I think that helps to fuel her marathon run at taking care of him. She wants to soak up every second with him.

10. Rate 8 poopy diaper

I just changed a diaper. It rates an 8 if it almost spills over. Virginia came over, and he was moved by her. His legs are so chunky, he's getting bigger. Virginia says she likes the blog.

I took a long nap, I wasn't feeling well, so I've missed a lot. Diana reports he slept too.

I got a smile earlier, and Diana says he's smiling more.

We're going to put on his Mets outfit. Diana is packing up to go to Virginia's for the weekend. The held up one outfit and said, "Morris gave us this one."

9. Diana's night log

Diana put Sparky in the bed around 2, after sleeping on her chest for an hour. He woke up at 5:50, diaper and breast feed. Then he woke up at 8:30 when I got involved. Diana slept for 2 hours while I took care of him.

8. Still Sleeping

He's still sleeping, that sweet boy.

Some notes. The time of the post below is 3 hours early, add 3 hours to get a more accurate time.

Cliff and Jama have expressed some appreciation for this blog.

I'm going to have a poopy diaper scale. A 1 is a small stain. A 10 is like the poop he shot out of his diaper at Gigi's the other day. A 9 is when it rides up the back, and wets his clothes (he's done that once). Today's poopy diaper was a 7, maybe 7.5. The elastic was filled, you can see it's full.

His hands are bigger. He's gaining weight. I'm filled with nostalgia for the days when he was teny tiny. He's still small, but he's growing.

I call him Sparky and Wiggle Boy, or like when he squirted me with urine yesterday, Squirt. Liz asked what should I call him. I'm fine with any name, I like lots of names. He's not really responding to names yet, so it doesn't really matter. He moans a kind of "Mom!" sometimes when he's crying for milk, but it's probably not mom. His vocalizations are grunts and coos so far.

He's got a lot of hair. He's got a false hair line, he's starting to get his real hair. His hair is so long. It almost goes past his ear. His eczema is getting better, his cradle cap isn't as bad as it was. It tarnished my beautiful baby some, I hated it.

Diana says we're not cutting his hair till the first year is up, but I'm ready to cut his hair. Celeste gave us a cute little container to save his first hair his first tooth. I'm not sure what we're going to do with his umbilical remains, which Diana saved.

I pick my son's nose. When you feed, you can't have a clogged up nose. We've got a few different booger suckers, that Diana uses.

When Liz fed him yesterday, she didn't wait for the dry bottle sound, she stopped short.

Sometimes Diana pumps and then feeds him, when she's really full. The he drinks the bottle she just pumped. She calls that the "chaser". The chaser used to also work like the knock out punch bottle, but not any more. He's getting a bigger appetite.

7. A Walk

Diana went to sleep, feeling guilty that she wasn't breast feeding him. I fed him a bottle. He drank most of it, and fell asleep. I put him in the carriage, and blogged the two previous blogs, and then he began to stir. I changed his diaper, and it was wet. I put him in the crib for a while, and for about 5 minutes he did not fuss. Then he did, and I set him up to feed. I like to feed with my legs as the holder. Me laying back, legs in a triangle, him facing me. So I fed him the rest of the bottle, and burped him. He looked kind of dozzy, so I waited.

Sometimes his chin trembles, sometimes when you pick him up. That started in the NICU, and the nurse said, "some babies do that." It breaks my heart. The chin trembling.

Then I got the idea of a walk. We always talk about walking him. We have a wonderful carriage that my in laws gave us at the shower. So I quickly swaddled him, laid him down, and went out.

When I got to the entrance of our co-op, I saw the sidewalk was wet. "Oh no," I worried. But it was a light drizzle, and the carriage has a hood. Soon I was breezing down the sidewalk. I slowed down so it want so bumpy for him. I checked on him and wondered if I check on him too much, the women I see with strollers don't seem to always be checking on the baby.

I crossed the street. I walked by a flower bush. I'm smelling the roses now. Then I thought, why not go shopping? We need stuff. What, am I a man of leisure? Got to get stuff. So I turned around, and walked to the grocery. I'll spare you the shopping list, but when I got in line, a woman behind me said, "this is an express lane." I held up my basket, clearly less than 10 items. "Oh," she said, not as contritely as I would have liked, but she did ask how old my boy was. I said, "six months...I mean six weeks, two days." I put my stuff on the belt. Then I patted my pants. No wallet of course. I grabbed a cart, put my stuff in, and went out. I was drizzling harder, and I worried I was a terrible father. My son out in the rain, I can't accomplish a task, and my poor wife hardly gets any sleep.

I got home and Diana was awake. She fed him a bottle, and now she's pumping milk. We've froze about 4 bottles with about 4 oz., she'll probably fill another one. Her sister bought her a good breast pump, for when she goes back to teaching. She's been playing with it, practicing. Now we're consciously banking for her 18.5 days of work before summer break.

He's sleeping in the crib with the cute blanket Ginny gave him. I hear the breast pump in the background.

6. Catching up from last night

Around midnight, Diana ordered a bottle of formula. Since formula is about twice as nutritious as breast milk, sometimes he falls asleep, and when he sleeps he sleeps longer. She'd ordered the "knock out punch". But he's getting bigger, older, perhaps wiser. It did not work. And he wiggled towards the breast as he does, when he's hungry. The books say smacking his lips, sticking his tongue out, and putting his hand, or in his case, his fist in his mouth. Diana said, "the book didn't mention him wiggling into position." He does it on everyone, including me. He wiggles his way into breastfeeding position. He even does it in the crib. He gets his head in position, his body. And then when nothing arrives to feed him, he gets angry, and cries. I always think of the Field of Dreams line, "If you build it, they will come."

So Diana gave him some breast feeding to comfort him. She said, "this will do it." So she brought him in and I swaddled him. But he woke up, and my swaddling was poor. He grunted to get out. He was not fully cooked. So Diana fed him again, and had him fall asleep on her chest. That's the last I remember. I'll get the report later on how much she got up in the night. She's getting good rest now, so I hope she can recover and rest. She's a real trooper, trying her hardest. She's a great mother to William.

I got an e-mail from Cliff last night. He's going to be coming to the June 12th naming ceremony (at 1 p.m.). He's been Christened in the catholic church, you can see some photos on the web sites. I think I'll add some more photos to the web site, if he lets me. He just sighed. Liz likes the bottle eating grunting noises, but I like the sleeping coos. He's such a darling.

5. Angry Hungry

Diana will fill me in later, but at around 8:30 a.m., she asked me if I would feed him a bottle. She needed some rest. It was hard for me to wake up, I can only imagine the tiredness she experiences. I wish I had a breast to feed William. I have breast envy. But not having the requisite anatomy, I get to sleep. But finally she ordered a bottle, and I was activated.

He needed a diaper change, and the bottle was heating up. His cries were angry. Sometimes he wakes up so hungry, he's angry about it, and makes more noise. When he first came home, his cries were like a quiet little bleat. But he's getting his lungs going. The anger comes in when he puts a little into the cries. He puts a little exclamation point onto the end.

We got a phone call, Natasia's dance recital was canceled. She's my 6 year old niece. She and her mother lived with us for a little while, when Harry left her for Angie, so I've spent a lot of time with her, and have a special connection. I missed the last recital, and was looking forward to this one. Diana called her mom, and I said, "why are you on the phone, you should be sleeping." Of course she was telling her mother the recital was canceled.

William is in the stoller next to me, sleeping. He just farted, grunted, and moved a little. He seems to have gone back to sleep.

The bottle stopped his angry cries, but when I took it out to burp him, he got angry. And he had the bottle some more, and I sneezed, and he lost his hold on it. So I took advantage of that to burp him some more. That got him kind of angry. But after that he was drowsy and did not cry for the bottle, so I did not feed it to him, and instead rocked him to sleep. He slept on my chest for a little while, and I picked up the Times sports page. Lakers won, Flames lost, Yankees won (damn Yankees) and there's an article on female college rowing. I stopped watching the games last night because I was tired, could not get into the game. I wanted to read some Buddhism. I'm reading Zen Mind, Beginners Mind for my study group, and William has a good beginners mind. But he's learned to get angry when he's hungry, sometimes, so he's losing his beginners mind.

4. Burping

Diana is burping William. Gas can make him uncomfortable. I've gotten to the point where when I'm not doing anything, I burp him, just to try and clear some air. It feels so scary to wack on his back, but you get used to it quickly. Sometimes when I (or anyone) accidentally over feeds him, he throws up. I hate that. He's only done that twice for me, I've began to learn how much he can take, and read his distress. Attunement is good, I try to be as in tune as possible. I'm looking forward to Diana going back to work, and me taking care of him from 7am to 3pm.

I feed him 2 oz. then burp him, and give him 2 more. Sometimes I go up to 5 oz. with three burpings. Time is a factor too, I try to stretch it out. I have to resist the urge to feed him to stop him from crying. I've got to learn to hear his crying when I'm in tune with what he needs. We've got a nipple that has a really small opening that makes it harder to suck out. He actually fell asleep while eating the other night, like he falls asleep at Diana's breast. Diana uses that phrase, "he fell asleep at the breast."

Diana just put him in the crib, and turned on the mobile. She's switching Tigger with Winnie, to balance it out better. "Winnie the Pooh" plays on it. The baby's room is a mess right now with all the laundry we just did. I should go put it away and stop writing.

3. Bed Time

Diana just put him down. He's not going to sleep through the night, there's no way. My mother told me today that I didn't slept through the night until I was about one year old. But maybe she can get some sleep. Maybe I can convince her to let me give Sparky a bottle, and let her sleep. I think maybe her thinking about going back to work on Tuesday, has got her going all out.

Of course the instant she put him down, he woke up. He prefers to sleep on people. He slept on me a lot today. And her. The phone was ringing next to Diana and she didn't even wake up, she was so tired.

I love swaddling. It's wonderful. I like doing it, and I like watching it. My poker buddies think I'm crazy to like changing a diaper, too. He's so cute when he's swaddled. Diana is breast feeding him while he's swaddled.

2. Bath time

We just gave William a bath. It's a 2 person affair at the moment. He's so cute, he's so shocked by water. He likes the water though. When my mother was visiting, she really went gung ho on the bathing, and that's gotten us into the bathing groove. He's got cradle cap, so bathing also helps that, too. And he's so cute when he's swaddled up afterwards in the baby towel with the hood. One glitch amongst the wonderful event, was the that bath gizmo that pumps out a little stream of water went out while we were using it, and we had to use the old pouring bowls routine, which seems better anyway.

Now Diana has him in his new outfit. He's crying for the breast, some feeding. He's wearing a lime green footsie pajamas, with a turtle on the left breast area. Who ever gave that to us, thank you. We've lost track of all the gifts we've gotten. It seems people like to buy babies. Lets see if they like to bail him out of jail in his experimental teens.

First One: The purpose of William Bell's wonder years blog

William is 6 weeks and 1 day old today. Liz Breland with her son Seth, and his Abuelo came to visit. Poor Diana hasn't gotten much sleep. She's been up through the night every night on the hour. She hasn't woken me up yet, to take care of the baby, except sometimes she lays him by me, and goes to the bathroom and he fuses, and I wake up. But I really don't have much to complain about. She's been very nice, and I am grateful to her.

William has learned to drool. Diana set up a activity links gym, where he lays on his back, and plays with things. He doesn't really have control of his hands yet.

He smiled at me today, though.

The purpose of this blog is to keep people in the loop about the growing up of William. I'm a bit compulsive, and I'm not employed, and I've got a cable connection, so why not. I read about blogs in the Times today, and it caught my interest. I hope family and friends can check in when ever they want info on Sparky. I'll try to be terse, and not bloviate too much. Enjoy.