Monday Morning

Andres handles daddy leaving better, when it's not so quick and rushed. With daylight savings time, I was more leisurely this morning. I got up earlier. William snuck into our bed last night. Andres slept from 7-7, a hearty nights sleep. William stayed up later, to 8:30.

William woke up and said Mimi was going to get him a train. I'm not sure who Mimi is, maybe a classmate? William likes to play trains when he wakes up. Before we went to bed, I constructed an elaborate tracks, with all the pieces. He wants me to tell a story, but when I start to tell a story, he gets irritated and wants to tell it in his own way. I get annoyed, and say, "so tell the story your way." It's almost like he needs the irritation of me telling the story wrong to tell his story.

Andres woke up. His feet were so cold. They kick the blankets off, I want to get up every hour and put it back on them. He sat in my lap, and I held him for a long while. I fed them egg white and ate my own egg white sandwich. Andres had a bite of my sandwich. William doesn't like to eat much in the morning.

I turned on Seaseme Street to take a shower. They were enthralled, and didn't interrupt my shower. Sometimes Andres needs me, and it's a kind of toture for me to bathe while he begs for me. Sometimes they fight in my absence. But this morning it went OK.

With my dressing, starts Andres' anxiety. "Where are you going?" he asked me for the first time this morning. I said I'd take William to school and then go to work. He said something to the effect that he didn't like that plan, but dropped it. I began to dress William. The t-shirt was OK, but he said of the sweat shirt, "that's Andres'". I don't think it was but his pants were too tight (size 4) so I got some size 5 pants. He wanted shorts. I said, "Miss Shari will be mad at me if I take you to school in shorts." He said OK, but then crumpled on the floor like he was shot by a bullet. So since William wasn't getting read I said, "I guess I'll take Andres in his place." I regretted saying that when William didn't react, and Andres got excited. Not a good way to play around. Andres put both legs into the pant, and I call him a merman.

Paquita came and we got out the door OK. William already had his train in the see through plastic pouch--it's a kind of transition object. He has a specific one he needs to take with him. How intact the eye brows are is a crucial factor.

He wouldn't put on his jacket, so I asked Paquita if it was warm enough to get away with that. She said yea, but take the coat because Miss Shari might want to go for a walk with them, and want warmner clothing.

Out the door William begins to sing. They both sing a lot. William yesterday sang, "when I get older, tip me over and pour me out." blending two songs. I like the friends song and the determination song that we learned from the Thomas song book we have. The friends song is also in a book Zane and Bridget got him.

I realized once that in my impatience, I was always walking ahead of William. So I make a point of walking side by side with him. We hold hands to cross the street. He bent over to pick up a rock, and I got nervous, but cars were far away and we made it across OK. Then he wanted to put the rock in a pocket. When he realized his sweat shirt had pockets, he put his hands there. I introduced him to pockets the other day and he really liked the idea of putting his hands there.

Walking in, I say hello to Lola's mom when she says hello to William. We look at the fish for a while. He's convinced there's a second black one, but I thinkt here's just 8 yellow ones, and one black one. When we first started, he wanted to look there longer than me. Now it's a short stop. So we get to his classroom, and he's saying goodbye to me already, puckering his lips to give me a goodbye kiss. I say, "be a good boy." When I comment to Miss Shari about him wanting me to go away when I get there, she says, "he's independent." Meanwhile she's focused on finding out who didn't put their coat away right, and she's yelling out, "girls!" I walk out wistfully, my son is pushing me away, out of independence, and for me, the first time it bites.