Reunion

So I got home around 5:15 pm yesterday. I'd not seen the boys for about 8 days. I thought a lot about them on the retreat. Hugging them felt so sweet. They were excited and I think some anger was that I left was mixed in a little there. I think they're good at living in the moment, so they don't hold grudges.

Andres seems as though he's talking a whole lot more and asks about words and tries out words a lot. Before I left, I played with him kicking the ball at me a lot. He really liked that and worked up a sweat. He's right footed, he's reluctant to kick with his left foot, which I challenge him to do in a friendly way occasionally. It was a nice connection with him. When Paquita came, when it was time for me to leave, his quality of crying indicated he realized I was going away. Or maybe he was just enjoying our morning together.

William seems so grown up. He's been asking me to play "once upon a time". I play with Thomas and create a story. At some point, he takes over and I watch him tell the story. I tell stories about things I imagine are going on with him starting school, and I name some of the trains the names of his peers at school.

This morning Diana and I were trying to talk, but the boys kept interrupting us. I was insistent on us talking and the boys actually played for a while with minimal support. Andres has the harder time, and they do get into squabbles.

They got really dirty at the park today. There's a quality of play that is familiar to me. They were playing in the fountain and with dirt.

Coming home I realize what a lot of responsibility I have, to have a family, to work so hard, to work to engage in a real and active spiritual life. Life is very rich. Too much at times, just right others.

Here's a quote from a book I read on retreat:

From p. 78 of What Makes You Not A Buddhist by Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse:

"When some of us become parents ourselves, even a little understanding of interdependence effectively softens our expectations of our children, which they may interpret as love. Without that understanding, we might have good intentions to love and care for our children, but our expectations and demands can become unbearable."