Play

Psychology Today has an interesting article on play.

I notice the boys play spontaneously. I remember William used to want me to get him started with trains, but disliked if I went on further, he wanted the story to go his way.

The article suggests adult interference ruins child play. I'm not sure if that's really true, I think if you're aware, awake and sensitive, then you might be good at entering children's play. Perhaps it's a cautionary tale, to be careful and don't assume you know what is best.

Ears

Happy birthday yesterday for Sebastian. They cut a cake for Sebastian at Abuela's. The party is this weekend.

I got up early yesterday and drove "Gali's boy" to the airport. Carlos Alejandro and Jorge Washington went back to Ecuador after a visit to the USA.

I was sitting on the toilet. What's the big emergency? William has to tell me that Andres has big ears. Then Andres has to show me his ears. When I got out I measured them. We were watching Sid The Science Kid, and they had a show on measurement. So I got out the ruler. Andres' ears are 5.5 cm long. So is William's.

William doesn't feel well, so he's not going to school today.

Last weekend they had a play date with their cousins Nicole and Christian, also with Erin and Joseph.

spiderman lessons?

Diana was talking about getting William art lessons, and Andres music lessons, and William said, "I want Spiderman lessons." He's wearing his Spiderman costume from Halloween all the time. I remember liking Spiderman and the Hulk when I was little. I bought comics of them when I was younger.

Here's a Spiderman photo on facebook.

Andres says, "I told you so," when you pester him to do something and he does it. I wonder if I gave him the know-it-all jean.

We're having a lovely Christmas. I hope everyone is well.

W&A

Loss and illness

Tim is in the hospital and we're hoping he's OK.

Patrick Kavanagh passed away.

Punya passed away, he's a Buddhist friend. I can't find an on-line obit.

Newnan part two

We had a nice dinner at Sprayberry’s Tuesday night and then Molly and Ben came over. The boys really took to Molly, it was quite sweet to see her enter into their play and listen to them. The boys were their usual energetic and alive levels, with their egotistical pursuits where they worked to include others. I must say I think William is a wonderful social being. Andres is a little more withdrawn, and perhaps watches his older brother, but also joins in and plays wonderfully. I do wish they would take turns in conversation better, but that will come with time, I’m sure. I see streaks of know-it-all, and interrupting that are uncomfortable mirrors, and just plain difficult behaviors at times. Just before they came over I was upset at William for punching me in the eye during some rough housing. Turns out he’d just punched his mother in the eye too, which really annoyed me. I can get so angry one minute, and feel their sweetness the next, which is what children are like. Anyway, I’m a big fan of Molly now after he sweetness to the boys. Molly said a funny story about Braxton. He looked at the Target flier and said, “I want all the toys for boys and some of the toys for girls.”

Wednesday was rainy, and I rested up for the trip back. The boys played well. We left 7am the next day and arrived at 2am in the early morning the next day. Nineteen hours of travel. I was sad to leave them. Thank you to Grandma and Grandpa for their generosity in hosting us while we were there. Thank you to everyone who visited.

Newnan

We drove to Annapolis Saturday evening, which took 5 hours from NYC. Gas prices have dropped and are cheaper outside the city—I was happy to learn that. The boys watched a lot of movies, and Andres took a nap. We stopped for dinner in Deleware. We got to Gretchen’s around 10. The boys were scared of Georgia the bulldog, and Kalamazoo the cat, but they got to playing with them eventually. I played with the cat, and they copied that.

In the morning they were more into playing with them, they enjoy the tug-of-war with Georgia, who out weighs them. We went to breakfast at a really good place. Gretchen lives in an interesting part of Annapolis, so it was cool walking around there. We thought we might come back another time seeing how cool it is.

The drive from Annapolis to Newnan was grueling, but the boys did really well. They had me stop for an emergency pit stop quite a lot, but there were no accidents. We let them run around at rest stops and when we got gas. Andres took 2 naps. We left around 11am and got there around 11pm. We’ll be doing that on Thursday again, when we reverse course.

We’ve just been hanging out here. The boys have been gentle with Grandma. I went food shopping with Grandpa. The boys draw, play with lego or trains. The boys like running around the house. Braxton came over yesterday, and they played for a while. Braxton is really cute. William was really excited to see him. Braxton liked playing with the puzzle, and the trains. He also liked running around with the boys.

They’re out raking leaves with great grandpa. I found a wifi spot to do some internet. They have 3 networks in range of my grandparents but I don’t know the passwords. I thought to knock on doors, offer them some money. But decided to find another spot. The library is close, so that's where I am.

New cell phone

I got a new cell phone, so I'll be taking more pictures again, that go easily to Facebook. Here's the latest photo.

Here's one of Andres.

More photos

Chicago

We had a lovely trip to Chicago.

Our flight there was not too stressful. I think I'm getting more used to traveling with my pollywogs. Here's a link to Andres on plane.

Here's a link to a photo of William on the plane.

Andres was next to me, and he fell asleep and I got to finish my Paul Auster book, Brooklyn Follies.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving meal when we arrived. The boys liked the apartment my parents are renting near the Navy Pier. They had some presents, a big collection of markers and paper, plus scissors and glue. William and Andres made some pictures for them.

Friday we went to the Field Museum. Above is a photo of William in front of the famous Sue. Then Kathy and Rich treated the boys to some presents in the Sue Store. I got to look at the little Tibetan section.

We had a lovely lunch at Wishbone. Then we hung out at home, after the boys tried a nearby park. Rich and Kathy were amazed at the animation and sophistication of children's movies like The Incredibles, and Ratatouille. The boys played together nicely for the most part.

Saturday we went to the Lincoln Park Zoo.

William would not say goodbye to Glamma when we got to the airport. He wanted to change the reality by denying it was happening. In the airport we saw a large reproduction of a dinosaur, and the boys got some more gifts. Poor William dropped his winter globe of Sue, and broke it. So I bought him another one. Our flight back was OK. We were in the last row. Andres fell asleep just as we were about to land. Victor was right there with our car. I think it was a lovely trip. Thank you Kathy and Rich for such a wonderful time!

homework

Andres calls a TV magazine his "homework" and likes to write in it and cut it.

We spent lunch with William's class yesterday. I love making connections with other parents. There's wonderful mixes in the class. One child has a Japanese father and Peruvian mother. Another is half Chinese. Another is half Panamanian. So many interesting mixes. My boys are half Ecuadorian! What a wonderful mix!

Update

Thank you to Abuela for cooking and Diana for cleaning for our 20 people early Thanksgiving party. Thanks to everyone who came. We had a lovely time with family early because we're out of town on Thanksgiving.

William got 3 shots and blood taken. Andres has blood taken. They went to the doctor and when Diana got home she said, "you owe me one." The boys had some presents. They were crying a lot with the shots.

A new nickname for Andres is "Gomez" from The Addams Family. You can check out some of his kissing here. Diana called Andres that because he kisses a lot.

They fixed the concrete sidewalks around our house lately.

Andres photo

3 caballeros

2 photos

William the artist.



William's new haircut.

facebook photos

William in field.

Andres on the roof.

Andres with wagon.

William with red bush.

overparenting?

The New Yorker has an article about overparenting.

Here's a quote: "This used to be known as “spoiling.” Now it is called “overparenting”—or “helicopter parenting” or “hothouse parenting” or “death-grip parenting.”"

It's a book review of A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting.

Here's another quote: "A third development that pushed people into overparenting, Marano and others believe, is the “brain plasticity” research published in the nineteen-nineties. This research said that, while the infant brain is, in part, the product of genes, that endowment is just the clay; after birth, it is “sculpted” by the child’s experience, the amount of stimulation he receives, above all in the first three years of life."

I think I fall for that one a little bit

transitinoal objects

Reading Winnicott, and thinking about transition objects, the thing that comes to mind for William was that he would always carry a Thomas train. It was frustrating because we would be at the park and he would need use of his hands to climb a ladder, but he would refuse to give up the train in his hand. He needed the comfort of a train in his hand. The park must have been threatening, he needed the comfort, never mind if it didn't make sense to climb a ladder with a train in his hand. He wanted near the pleasure of his train.

Andres carries the latest present we gave him, he likes to be thought of, though he's not so specific about what he wants. He's wanted cars and taxi cars, and other things. Recently it was a motorcycle we bought the day of Ashton's christening. He carried that around a lot.

In Play and Reality he suggests that if you don't wean the child by 4 months, it will be harder, but we didn't have any trouble at weening the boys at 8 months because we used a bottle with formula and breast milk when Diana pumped, when she was tired.

The boys don't have a blanket or teddy bear they have consistently stuck with, though they have favored toys, cars, trains, things they could hold in their hands that represented our love for them in a tangible gift, and the comfort of playing and fun.

The have suffered through the vicissitudes of our work. Diana working and not me, then both of us, then not Diana and then both of us not working. But they seem pretty OK at the moment. They fight and whatnot, get on each other's nerves, try to hurt each other for past wounds. But for the most part I feel they are healthy and wholesome boys, which many good traits and strengths.

I'll end this post with an old web page with William as a baby when I graduated from NYU.

wizard of oz

We watched The Wizard of Oz with the boys. It's odd to see classics as an adult, watching as a parent. This movie is really emblazoned on my consciousness, I know the songs. I forgot how camp it is. The boys like it, repeat the line, "I'll get you my pretty!" Those flying monkeys are really creepy. Andres was afraid of the cowardly lion. Diana reminded me of the lines one of our students used to keep saying.

4.5

William is 4 and a half today. Whoop! He woke up and began drawing. He's awesome. I love him. And his wonderful brother. Last night they were playing so much, Diana left the room for a while before they fell asleep. William was counseling his brother to stay int he room.