348, Overwhelmed

In Georgia I raked the leaves. William got a walk every day, walked around, and got to play in the leaves. He liked all the toys his grandmother gave him. William liked it that there were people around to hold Andrew, so I could attend to him.

William throws away things for me now, in the garbage can, and gets my print out and brings it to me. But he's also throwing away anything, and we have to teach him what trash is.

Looks like William might get some speech pathology services in the home. He's not going to have to go to school.

Andrew seems to grow and grow. Gretchen asked what his name is. His name is Andres but I call him Andrew. We don't call William Guillermo, but I suppose we could.

Rich saw the pictures from Thanksgiving and asked about Braxton. He's a cut little boy, I hope he is well.

I gave Andrew a bath this morning, my first for him. Much easier to give a second first bath, though.

Diana tries to rev herself up to go back to work Monday. Diana is over meeting the (hopefully) new baby sitter helper for Abuela. Hope William gets along with her.

William ate strawberries, yogurt and chicken so far today.

347. OT

The OT evaluator came. She says he's fearless, when he jumped onto the ball. She says she's not going to recommend any OT services, he's normal to advanced in some areas. He stacked 7 blocks, he's only supposed to do 3 by now. She said he has good index finger use, his peripheral vision is great. He is willful, which is age appropriate. She says "no" doesn't mean anything until children are 21 months old (William is 19.5). Perfect grip of pen for his age. He's right handed! He has strong abdominal muscles. Good fine motor skills, organized. He relates well, with good eye contact. He fed the toy clown (he would not transfer play with the speech pathologist). He may be sensitive to noise. He dislikes the vacuums but not so much that he doesn't want to watch me shave. He could put the toys on a string and squares, triangles and circles in. He has a variety of sounds, and talks after he does something. She says, "he's telling you what he did." He doesn't like the swing, or bending his head back to get the shampoo out, but it's not significant, that would mean more if other things line up with that, but it doesn't. She thinks he's great. Maybe he could get some speech services to give him a boost, but from what she saw and her competence of OT, there was nothing wrong. Such a relief. Now we one more hearing test, and have the big formal evaluation.

346. Georgia

William can point to his mouth, nose, ears. Not yet his chin, cheek or eyes. The OT is coming tomorrow to evaluate.

We got home from Georgia last night. Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa for hosting us. Thanks to Zane for holding Andrew so much, and running around trying to make everyone happy. Thanks to Megan for her humor and driving Diana and Virginia. Thanks to Virginia for all her help. To go to my grandparents to help out her sister for 5 days is quite a lot. Thanks to Angie and Abuelo for driving us to the airport, and thanks to Abuelo, Jimmy and Angel for picking us up.

William liked Braxton. We got some good pictures of him. It was good to see David, Nancy, Jessica, Benjamin and to meet Molly.

345. Christening

My mother says I didn't really talk till I was 2. Michael's mother says they drained some water in his ears and then he started talking. William went to bed at 1 Wednesday night, and I got him to bed by 10 Thursday night.

One of our doulas had a baby. The other sends her warm regards.

My mother said when I was a teenager, I didn't like overhearing my mother talking about me. She brought that story out at the meal after the shower, in front of my friends, which was slightly embarrassing.

Emma got William back Friday, when he was under the weather some, for all his pushing and hitting.

The Christening was in Spanish, to our surprise. Supposedly they alternate language, and supposedly this week was English. So the many people who did not speak Spanish were in the dark. Cliff liked it, because he said it helped him to see other aspects of the ritual. I had a hard time with it, and I have a hard time being in the church. I still have many negative ideas about other religions even though I've finally found one myself.

Ray said, "you can't have any more kids, because you've run out of Catholic friends." Diana said, Michael, who is Josephine's husband.

The meal was good. I enjoyed having time with others.

344. Spider bites or mites

Spider bites or mites, but not Chicken Pox for William. The doctor gave him antibiotics and benadryl. He went to bed at 9 and woke up at 7.

Coming back from retreat, not seeing them for essentially 3 days, Andrew seemed huge. William's hair is laying down. It only stands up in the back.

William has had a fever, and has been cranky, but he's over. He's slept with us a little. I went to bed with him Tuesday night at 8, and got blissful sleep. Wednesday night he was more prone to crying. Seems OK today, though.

William is the process of being evaluated for speech and language. I've hesitated to write about it, we're worried. He's doing OK, but he's not speaking so much. We haven't met with the people yet. I had a bad day where I imagined disaster scenarios. But I'm going to hope for the best now.

Saturday Kathy (Glamma) and Rich are coming in, for the christening of Andrew. Ray is going to be the godfather, and Aida is the godmother.

Diana says she can now distinguish between my, William and Andrew's farts.

343. Boo!

William slept for a while. I took a shower, and when I came out, they were all awake. I took William for a walk outside. I took him to the flea market, but he was clingy and wanted to be held instead of ride in the stroller.

Diana reports William has watched the Backyardigans, and there's one about being a ghost, and saying "boo!" Diana says it to him occasionally to get him to play, but he doesn't respond. Today he went to her and went "boo!"

I was reading him one of his books, and the word "hug" came up an he hugged me.

Abuelo and Abuela came over, and he gets very afraid of Abuela because in the past she meant that I was dropping him off, saying goodbye. He pushed her.

He's eaten well today. Strawberries, tomatoes, beans, carrots, broccoli, eggs, lasagna.

342. Drawing

Friday morning I took Andrew over to his grandmother's. Diana went over around 2. He got to play with Emma, AJ and Venus. William spent some time with Steven upstairs. Steven lent him a car to play with.

They put up the child guards, finally, and fixed the AC so it's flush in the window so there's no draft.

Saturday morning I took Andrew out for a little walk to buy picture frames. Then I took William to the park. He fell asleep, and I brought him home.

William likes to draw. He sits and he gets a crayon and paper. And he draws. We're trying to limit him to the paper, not to draw on other things.

341. Elmo

William woke up again in the night, for the second night in a row, Wednesday. When I came home he was asleep. He was hot, they turned the heat on. Andrew has slept a lot. Aminta and Steven came over. Then Aida and Natasia.

Thursday he was walking fast back and forth to the bedroom. Diana decided to watch TV unhindered by William's DVDs in the room. William was very torn where to go. Watch the DVD and his father read, or go into the room with his mother on the bed, with Andrew. His nose is running like crazy and he's fussy.

We swear he said "Elmo" and something else, I forget. But he doesn't repeat. I think he's teasing us.

340. Halloween

Tuesday morning William woke up and gave him a bottle. I fell asleep on the couch, but woke up later and put him to bed. He woke up early, so it doesn't look like I can meditate, unless Diana gets up, and I'm reluctant to ask her to get up. Only if she's breast feeding. When I meditate in the morning it changes the quality of my day, but it's not a panacea. Just something that enhances life for the better. Additionally, it's a spiritual practice for me. It's the last thing I cut out, but even that gets cut out at times. But today I get to meditate, Andrew is going to be fed.

Monday night, I told William that I loved him, and he put out his cheek for me to kiss.

William was Mickey Mouse, and Emma was Minnie Mouse. AJ was Human Torch. Steven was the Wizzard. Venus was a genie and Natasia was Pocahontus. Andrew was a pea in a pod. We went trick or treating for 45 minutes and had a good time.

339. Thirty Pounds!

William was happy to see me when I came home Tuesday. Diana way playing Mulan, but he wasn't into it and eventually put in a Teletubies DVD which he has been watching a lot all day.

Cliff called. He's on vacation and wants to read more blog. I tried to update him. Andrew cheesed on me, and I had to go after a while, but we got to talk a little.

Wednesday night I took William to Barnes and Noble to get some more books. He fell asleep, and did not wake up after quite a while at the book store. So I got the books I picked out and took him home. He woke up 2 blocks from home. It's like he never went there. But he's got some cool new books.

Diana took William to the doctor Thursday. William weighs 30 lbs, and is 33 inches long (which is in the 75th percentile). Since he doesn't have 10 words nor can he name body parts, the doctor referred him to a speech pathologist, just to rule out problems. Cliff says it's not a real red flag, when children begin to speak, there is variation.

At first I felt very upset. But it's just ruling out, and Cliff said many children speak later, with no ill effects. A woman in the pediatrician's office said that her son who took longer to talk seemed smarter. The doctor denied a bilingual delay effect, but I've seen studies that show that. I'm sure everything will be OK, and being assessed will not be problematic, he might enjoy it.

338. Father and sons.

I had a nightmare where William fell, and hurt himself. I've heard the sickening thud twice, when he's hit the wood floor from a distance. My dream was an anxiety dream about it, but it's also suppressed negative thoughts, I think to be overly anxious. I have negative thoughts that are unacceptable, but they rattle around in my subterranean mind, and what is spit out is acceptable, worry about William, but it's worry about my negative thoughts that are unacceptable. Diana even agree to that interpretation. It's not experience near, which I prefer, but it sounds true.

Driving back to NYC last night, William was awake in the car. Gone are the days when he automatically falls asleep in the car.

I don't know how Diana does it. I fall asleep, but she keeps on going.

The older kids at Ava's party were nice to William, playing with him.

Andrew's doctor appointment, yielded the fact that he's 11 lbs, 4 oz. He's gained more than 2 pounds since the last doctor appointment. He's 22 inches long. The doctor says the constipation is not a problem. Only when it goes for 3 days, and he's only gone a day. The doctor says he has a gassy stomach, but that that's OK. It's probably from the thrush that Andrew has on his tongue, and Diana probably has on her nipples. She got medication for both.

Diana went out for 2 hours, to get the medication and drop off paperwork at her friend's house. I can't believe you have to do all this annoying paperwork to be pregnant and get 12 weeks off from work. It's stupid. It went smoothly, but I over-fed Andrew, in my efforts to quiet him, which I was trying to juggle him and William, and he threw up. That was the tipping point for me feeling overwhelmed. Of course the second Diana got home, he fell asleep. William get so sad sometimes when he's not got the ability to play with the adult, the adult is only in the background, supervising, but more connected to Andrew. He gave me the look he gives Diana.

337. Ava

Wewent to Ava Olivia's first birthday party Saturday. Andrew was he youngest there. Today he is a month old. The party had older kids. William got a little tussled in the rough housing. We came to Virginia's to sleep. William slept with Virginia last night. I've been running up and downstairs all day.

336. Christian is born

Jacky had her son, Christian. Thursday/Friday night was a rough night. It's the end of the week, and we're tired, and the boys decided to wake up a lot in the night. William woke up at 6:45 am.

Aida and Natasia watched William and Andrew so Diana and I could go out for dinner. We went to a new Japanese and Thai place, that was good, though Diana likes Narita in Forest Hills better. The web site for the Kyoto is:

http://www.kyotosushinyc.com/

Instantly our favorite restaurant to walk to. I want to go out

On Thursday Andrew did a poop squirt at Diana. The mailman delivered a package of DVDs I ordered, and Diana had quite a trial with Andrew, William and Emma, to get the package.

Friday morning Nora Jones was on Sesame Street 4098. She sang a song called, "Don't know why, Y didn't come." The new DVDs I got were not as good as the other ones. I was hoping Big Bird Goes to China, and Big Bird Goes to Japan would be more interesting. They are kind of weird. The new numbers one is good. Diana doesn't like Alphabet Jungle. Diana shops at Target and I shop at Amazon. He has a stack of DVDs. I guess it's also for Andrew when he grows older. Our little Grunty.

Friday morning when I left, a maintenance worker informed us we can't store our strollers in the well below the stairs. That evoked anger in me. Diana wants to follow the rule, but she hasn't done anything. I don't want to follow the rule and want to petition the board. Maybe run to be on the board.

Thursday night I completely space therapy. I'm so tired. William took to throwing blocks at Andrew. He's displaying lots of anger and aggression towards Andrew. We have to watch him carefully. When my mother told me she tried to kill Celeste, when she was little, I thought that was an aberration. Now I think it's normal.

335. Diana's Grace

I left before William woke up on Monday. He was happy to see me when I came home from work. I took him to the park. No kids were there, rather only adolescents were there. We found a ball though, which William liked.

Tuesday Diana and Abuela gave Andrew a bath. He's got the crazy hair to prove it. I spent a lot of time with Andrew that night, I felt more bonded to him after that. Diana went out food shopping and I fed him a bottle and he did not throw up. I spent a lot of time with him in my arms. He's a sweety.

Wednesday William threw a tantrum because Diana would not let him drink the hot dog juice.

Natasia spent the day with Emma and William because she twisted her ankle. Then Angie went to the emergency room with a rash, so she dropped off AJ and Venus. Diana handled it well, I was not so graceful.

334. Rugby

Very tired Friday night. I was going to commit to staying up with William to 3, but Diana let me go to bed. William is a little tired of home, but it continues to rain.

I think the week off has helped for the responsibilities and what I've gotten myself into, to really sink in. It's quite a big project to have two little children. It gives me a greater appreciation for Diana and all her hard work.

Andrew took two doses of baby formula Friday night and did not puke. This is very good news. Same with Saturday night. But he's not gone to the bathroom. Number two.

Saturday William, aunt Di and I, went to poughkeepsie to see Will play rugby. It was a beautiful drive up, the leaves are just beginning to turn. Vassar seems like a lovely college. William got to go into his first dorm room. Will seemed very good at rugby, I don't doubt he will be moved up to the A team soon. It's an interesting game. I've seen a lot of rugby when I lived in England, but never fully understood the game. Will got a tries? A try? A goal? What ever, he took the ball past the goal and put it down (which completes the scoring). One person, I overheard say, "I love Will!" because he's quite tenacious, active. Di overheard someone say, "I call Will bat shit, because he's plays like a bat out of hell." The other person said, "I hope his mother doesn't hear that, they'll make him leave Vassar." Di piped up and said, "I'm his mother, and I'm not too bothered by it, Will is tough." He later came over and apologized, "I meant no disrespect." The Vassar web site wrote, "Will Thanhauser ran well in support for his score and he was also in the build-up to John Scotts try."

William played on the bleachers and in a puddle. He charmed one of the women, who picked him up. She said, "he's wet." I said, "don't worry, that's puddle water, not urine."

William got to pet dogs, handle the rugby ball, be in the great outdoors. He generally charmed the woman and worried his dad.

He slept on the way up and the way down. Will came back with us, and we dropped him off in the city. Will is a good guy and I like him very much. He's on fall break now, he has a week off from classes, though he has a paper due when he gets back. Sounds like he's got interesting classes, and has adjusted well to college life.

333. Milestones

Willliam is officially one and a half years old today. Andrew is three weeks old today (a fortnight and a half).

William has begun to use his voice, yelling. He's woken up Andrew. It's been the rainiest October in NYC history. It's rained for 8 days.

The two doulas came over. They have a web site:
http://coasttocoastdoulas.bravehost.com/
I'll put the doula's birth story on if she sends it to me. Anyway, I recommend the doulas and you can get their numbers if you need a doula.

I took William to the store. He pulled the rain cover off, and I held the umbrella, but it was difficult. It always seems like such a struggle to get home and put all the food away.

332. Groundhog day

Emma came over William fell asleep Wednesday night. Emma plays by herself pretty well. She's into the baby. She keeps saying "baby". Angie picked up Emma eventually. She had to change her shift because Harry went off for a week of training. I fell asleep when it got late. Diana ended up staying up till 3.

Thursday I took William out into the rain. It's not as fun if you've got the rain thing over the stroller, it cuts down the visibility. William fought me every time I put him back into the stroller. I got Indian food for me, and pizza for Diana.

Diana's mom brought Emma back. Groundhog day here with the rain and the children.

Bill's Suzanne is 4cm dilated and 70% effaced, getting close to pop.

I ordered some more DVDs.

331. Breastfeeding

Andrew threw up Tuesday, even with the new milk we got him from the pediatrician. It's got to be over feeding, but he's not been given that much.

William has been wild at times in the house. Emma came over Tuesday, and she fell asleep. He woke her up with his noises. Those two fight over things, but I know William likes her around.

When ever I get to the end of my rope, Diana's right there telling me, "imagine what it's like if you're alone," or, "you're overwhelmed?!" as if to say, "don't even think it." I wonder sometimes if my presence here is even helpful, there's so much need.

I watched Robots. William isn't into a feature length films.

From 8am to 11pm, with one small nap, and William was up, and I was at the end of my rope. I fell asleep, Diana stayed up with them. William didn't stay up much longer, but Diana reports little grunty did stay up. William woke up a paragraph into my morning reading. I doggedly kept reading after I brought him into bed, with the unfortunate consequence that Diana woke up.

It's raining like the dickens here. I went out and got Diana some more breast milk helping tea. I went to get a bagel, but forgot it was Yom Kippur, and the bagel store was packed. William has been fussy, perhaps he's teething, or sleep deprived.

Been reading up on putting the baby on a schedule. There seems to be information on both sides. I don't think it's cruel to put Andrew on a schedule, and it will help me to interact more with him. But we're also not very strict disciplinarians, so we're not going to go to that extreme. Diana feels like feeding him when he's hungry and can't stand it when he's crying.

The doctor says to give him more time, on the new formula. It will take a while for the other formulas to get out of his system. Diana needs a break, I hope that works.

330. Indigenous Peoples Day

Saturday morning, I played with William a little bit before I went off to meet with my friends in Bay Ridge. I spent a lot of time there, and did not see William until the late afternoon. Then we went to Jacky's baby shower, which turned out to be an adult party with children and presents for the son in her very large belly. William got to play with some kids, but he also got his hand caught in a door, which greatly upset us. I told Zsolt having two little children is easy. Jacky has scheduled her c-section, she doesn't want to try for a V-Bac. Jacky is going to have a son and they're naming him Christian.

I'm not sure where the next child is coming from after that. Maybe Harry will make sergeant and Angie will want another one. My Buddhist friends suggest I get fixed, and Virginia said, "strap one on," indicating she thought we should wait. I go back and forth, and unfortunately give Diana mixed messages at time. I guess I'm torn between 2 and 3 really. A woman at work has 10, and another there has 9. The woman who has 10 is always talking about limits. Here's a limit for you, don't have twelve. I don't say that to her though, it's just a joke. She's really good at figuring out the heart of a problem, asses what she can do, and does it quickly. It's really quite amazing to watch. My grandma says my cousin Benjamin is shopping for a ring, so maybe he's going to get married soon, maybe he will have children. Or Morris could have another one. My friend Bill and his wife Suzanne are due any minute. I want to call him, Paul gave me their new number.

It took us a long time to get home in the rain that night, and William was asleep when we got home. He woke up a lot in the night, and Virginia gave him to me, while I was meditating. She's so generous. She was apologetic for interrupting my meditation, but it was as long as I've been able to meditate recently.

Sunday I went into the city and met Bart at the Ruben Museum of Himalayan Art. Bart says Charles knows Mr. Ruben. He was impressed with the artwork and Buddhism. Faye's daughter is taking a Buddhism class, and she's really grooving to read the stuff, that her mother practices. I wonder if Bart will every have the time to study some Buddhism. Anyway, it was free, they were having some promotion in NYC, "open house NYC" or something like that so it was free. I ran into Vajramti and Barbara. William took a shine to Barbara after a while, she was very sweet with him. Her son has just gone off to Syracuse, near by where Bart goes to school at Cornell.

Bart suggested a Cuban place, and we had some lunch. I got to see where Charles lives, and the boys, and I met Bart's girlfriend, Leah. She seems sweet and intelligent. William was shocked by a loud bark from Etta, and cried, but otherwise he was OK there. He hugged Leah, which was sweet. William is a real flirt and a lady's man.

William slept on the way into Manhattan and on the way back. He napped a little when we got to Gigi's, and woke up clapping, which I thought was cut and funny. By the time Diana et al came home, I was pretty tired, but I lugged the stuff Virginia is graciously letting us store up to our room, and into the basement. My back is killing me today, and every time I pick up William it pains me.

William like to walk on the pool table. Gigi really has a sweet house, inviting to youngesters. My bicepts are sore, and my back is out. But I've gotten some good sleep while here (crazy dreams too, I should have written them down). Natasia is playing with him now, giving me time to write. Last night Diana said, "you got exhausted with only one?!" I guess she takes 2 sometimes, and is very exhausted. I hope to let her get some sleep time today.

I've been so chatty since Andrew was born. I talked to, or called so many people over the weekend. I love unlimited calling on weekends.

329. Umbilical by a thread

Virginia is the last to have her naming ceremony thread come off.

I came home Wednesday evening and Emma, AJ and Venus were here. The house was in disarray, William was a little wild. Diana think I wish they were not here, but I'm just stressed out, everything overwhelms me at the time. I wish it were not so.  It's a readjustment for us all. I vacuumed. I must have been craving order. I see now why parents are so uptight about keeping things clean.

Diana report William threw up this morning. He's been drinking juice all day, but he's just switched to milk. Andrew is gassy too, he lets these loud ones rip.

Andrew is a fortnight old tomorrow at 5:54pm. (William was born at 2:46pm.) I got home Thursday, and thought Andrew looked more like William when he was a baby. Diana took him to the doctor because he throws up the formula, and he gave her some samples of a soy one. My son is going to be a vegan, I'm so proud. Well, maybe just lactose intolerant. Diana enjoyed being out and about with him in the snuggly.

I see the finish line up ahead. Friday at 5 begins my week off from work. I am looking forward to it. I'm so tired. I don't expect to get rest, but at least I'll be around my wonderful sons and wife. We're heading off to NJ now. Virginia has just one meeting in New Jersey tomorrow, so she's going to be able to spend much of the day with Diana. We haven't been out there since Andrew was born, and some weeks before that.

William said, "ball" and "dada" and "baby" yesterday. He spent the day with his cousins at his abuela's.

Diana just told me Andrew's umbilical remains are hanging by a thread.