William 9th Party

Snow Angels

Snowpocalypse March 8th, 2013

William

basketball

The above photo is a shot of Andres playing center, and William on the bench. They both played, took shots, passed, played defense, were good teammates, displayed good sportsmanship, got good healthy exercise and played organized sports. William scored the last basket, and got a compliment from his peer, which made him feel really good. Good job guys.

Photo Essay

Basketball

At 7 & 8 my boys are still scared of the ball hitting their face with the huge mass. They even have special small balls and lower nets. Andres is athletic and competitive. William is tall so he's a defensive force even if he's not as athletic. I say he's lovely but kids compare themselves with peers and siblings, so we have to say that about William. They look for approval all the time. I don't always like to watch because it's too chaotic and the kids don't know how to listen, and I find that frustrating. They come over for drinks often. I wonder if they're going to develop independence but they are very young and seem normal amongst their peers.

Supposedly I told my parents not to come to my sporting events but they snuck to a few, supposedly. Not sure now why I said that. Perhaps I wanted to sink or swim without them. I'm much more open to support now.

Brooks solution

(Sweet William flower)

The boys have taken to playing "bumper cars" where they ram into each other.  They have been "rough housing" more.  Andres said proudly tonight, I'm going to do all my homework by myself.  He's proud of his independence.  Somehow his parents and family have encouraged that.  I was happy to help him when he needed help and he still needs supervision and structure.

Most of the parents stay in their cars, while the kids play in the park, and many kids are unattended.  Most of the time I play tag with the guys to seed the game, get it going, until there are more kids.  Today another mother stood by the building in the park.

The kids swear a lot, and I find that rather distasteful.

David Brooks has an op-ed piece about a father who wrote a letter of disappointment in his children, and Brooks says pointing out people's flaws doesn't really change them.  His suggestion is that you have to entice people to be more independent with the promise of what it brings.

Most people don't like wearing their flaws on the outside, they guard them close.  I would have a hard time writing publicly about my own limitations as a parent, though I am rather self disclosing, and I will admit to some need to improve.

I helped teach parenting classes once, and I came to the conclusion that a parenting class will do little, though it can't hurt.  You parent from who you are.  And development of character is not an easy thing.    I agree with Brooks that the positive approach is often better, but I also sympathise with the letter writing irate father.  I let out my disgruntlement, I think it's important to show frustrations and expectations, but label it as frustration.

Any parent will tell you yelling doesn't work much, but sometimes it happens, and it can be very meaningful.  As a habit it tends to breed yellers, because kids do what you do.  I guess I compare myself, quite bizarrely, to an enlightened being, and see myself falling short.  There's the story of the Buddha going to a group, and the group basically told him to buzz off, they would settle their problem.  You have to be receptive to support, and people have various levels of receptivity.  That's one thing I hope to engender in my sons, receptivity to those who are more advanced.

It's hard to walk the line between holding kids to expectations and being realistic and foster better character.

Tonight Andres had trouble as a second grader, defining "pristine" without copying me.  He threw a little snit and fell asleep, but he woke up, and we keept expecting him to come up with his own sentence.  In the end he copied one of mine, doing a similar one, but he remembered it after struggling, and I guess after a half hour, we have to move on from being stuck.

Andres read non-fiction books today.  I review a few books on goodreads.  I think it's my favorite social site, but it's pretty tame, and not much happens.  I've read a few good book reviews by my cousins.

The boys saw their cousins the other day, who are growing up to be fine young men.  Bart is in the peace corp in Indonesia.  Will is going to Georgetown law school.  Bart gave the boys some cool shirts from Indonesia.  And some coconut sweet from Indonesia, that are good.

William's first video creation

Basketball Jerseys

wanderlust

William (8) Wants to Go:
1. Florida
2. Texas
3. California
4. Japan
5. Argentina
6. France
7. Ecuador
8. India
9. Mexico
10. Egypt


Andres (7) Wants to goto:
Florida
Paris
Japan
China
Mexico
Egypt
Ecuador
India
Santa Fe
Chicago
Texas

Dad wants to go
India
Sri Lanka
Burma
Thailand
Ireland
Japan
Argentina
Italy

Electoral note:  William would vote for Obama, because he doesn't like Romney's stance on women's rights.  Andres would vote for Obama, but couldn't say why.

dialectical parenting

On the one hand, I saw a boy in the park hit by a ball on his leg.  My feeling was that I'd just shake it off and keep playing, but the boy cried, and his father went over and comforted him.  I had a strong feeling that I would not have done that as a kid. I suspect that feeling, but there's a feeling that we were tougher when I was growing up.  You don't want to raise a child that is a hot house flower.

On the other hand, there are articles in the Times about how you have to accept your children.  There's a recent article that empathy precludes evaluation in your mind.  Why not just be empathetic and come to understand your child?

Dialectical parenting tries to rise above extremes and see what is needed in the moment.  Inspired by Buddhism and Derrida we understand the shifting grounds we walk on.  We don't get trapped in rigid patriarchal stances, and other's projections and expectations about leadership.  It's authentically grappling with life's great mysteries.  To be apt and aware is the goal, honest and alive.

My son did an endo on his scooter this morning.  He face-planted onto the cement.  Not a pleasant experience.  But he joked as he was going to school about showing others his battle scars.  I liked that scrappiness, resilience.  But I also howled at the pain my son suffered.  I wish he didn't have to suffer, sometimes wish I could really shield him.

I've always felt that you parent from who you are.  There's no easy fix, humans are so complex, and we all have our ups and downs.  We kiss the joys and they go by as Blake said.  But you're also trying to build character, which is no easy matter.  Although my sons have done well so far.  You have to have some yourself to impart it.  What you do is more important that what you say to children.  So as always, just be the best person you can be, realistically, not fakery.  Kids see through fakes.  As always, there's no easy way through, but the struggle is the best game in town.

Technology and childhood

Read this today:

"In a new eBook titled The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do about It, Zimbardo and his coauthor psychologist Nikita Duncan paint a dire picture of dudes in this country, asserting that boys are increasingly failing to measure up academically, socially, and sexually. The blame, they say, lies with the Internet, television, and video games. According to their view, a new Lost Generation has grown up, addicted to arousal and constantly seeking stimulation and novelty through digital means: "The excessive use of video games and online porn in pursuit of the next thing is creating a generation of risk-averse guys who are unable (and unwilling) to navigate the complexities and risks inherent to real-life relationships, school and employment." More young men are supposedly languishing in their parents' basements, aimless, asocial, and out of touch."

"Addicted to arousal," is an interesting phrase.  As if new technology created that problem, instead of new technology tapping into this old problem.  I believe spirituality has the best answers for that.

Jane McGonigal thinks we should play more games.  The emotions in gaming, the intense concentration, there's optimism and a feeling of accomplishment, beyond the threshold of what is imagined, an "epic win".  "I'm not good at life," is a problem for gamers.  They're not as good in life as in games.  They feel people are at their best in games.  Her point is that we need to move this gaming stuff into the world.  She talks about The World of Warcraft.  She thinks we're changing evolution, to be more collaborative and hearty species.  The old ten thousand hours thing is brought up.  Turns out school ends up being over ten thousand hours.  She references the Malcome Gladwell theory of ten thousand hours to success.

She thinks games give;
1.  Urgent Optimism
2.  Tight social fabric:  Development of trust, cooperation
3.  Blissful productivity:  It's usually a part time job
4.  Epic Meaning

The mass exodus to virtual worlds makes perfect sense, it is rational.  But it's not optimal.

She discussed the creation of a game to survive a famine in history (Herodotus).  After 18 years the famine didn't abate.  So they played a game, and half of the others had to go.  Warcraft has been going on for 16 years.  She thinks by playing games we can solve real world problems.  She created World Without Oil.  She created more games.  Evoke is one.  Unfortunately it's recommended for 13 and up.  

Of course face to face contact is important, but I like the question:  How do we harness this energy of gamers for the good of mankind?  I'm going to check out Evoke.

Character Traits

William 8

Andres 7

on the way to school

Walking to school this morning William asked, "what future invention are you looking forward to?"

I said transporter.  Later I wanted to add food replicator.

William said a flying car.

Andres' science homework for first grade

Environment:  The whole complex of factors (as soil, climate, and living things) that influence the form and the ability to survive of a plant or animal.

Adaptation:  Adjustment to environmental conditions.

Camouflage:  The hiding or disguising of something by covering it up or changing the way it looks.

Oxygen:  An element that we use to breathe.

Pollen:  a mass of tiny particles in a flower that fertilize the seeds.

Food Chain:  a series of organisms in which each uses the next of the series as a food source.

Schedule based on Monsters Math School Time

7am wake up
800 school for Andres M-W, 836 R, F.
They do calendar at first.
Dance or Art or Science
Writing
11am.  Lunch
Recess
Writing
Math
Snack
School ends around 3
Then they go to Grandma's to play, watch TV, and try to get some homework done.
6 is dinner
7 is homework
9 is time to be in bed

we came up with this after reading Monsters Math School Time by Grace Maccarone

Favorite superheroes

William:
1.  Spiderman
2.  Batman
3.  Wolverine
4.  Thor
5.  Green Lantern

Andres:
1.  Torch (Fantastic 4)
2.  Ice Man (Wolverine)
3.  Robin
4.  Cyclops (X-Men)
5.  Venom (Spiderman)

I asked the boys after I saw this list.

Andres' 6th birthday at school

OK, so it was a while ago

Wow

So I'm watching X Men cartoon with my boys.

Dad said, "you know what my super power is?"

William said, "what?"

"laying on the couch reading."

William said, "you know what your other power is? Boring people with your Buddhist talk."

Wow

update

William dreamt there was a pool inside my apartment. I asked him if it was a deep pool and he said, "I can swim in deep water, daddy."

Both of them have learned so much in swimming. Thank you Diana for signing them up for lessons and taking them swimming.

Andres can do cartwheels now too. He said Camilo taught him.

can't remember it all, stressed out from work

William has sometimes been a sass-squatch, back sassing at times.

The other day in the park he said to a kid, "I've got mad skills that you don't know about."

At Cliff's yesterday he said, when I asked him to turn down the volume on the game he was playing, "You've got volume, I've got volume."

William put his hands through my chest hair and called me a werewolf.

He said something like he's doing "man's business" when he was putting on his sandals, which made Alyssa laugh.

I can't remember the dreams William had, but one was that he went under water and he saw Atlantis. Another was that a shark bit off his hand. Needless to say we had a good time at the beach yesterday, and William is turning into a bit of a fish.

Poor Andres tripped and fell, and salt water got into his mouth, so he was a bit off the beach for a little while, but he had fun and later was dunking his head and later at swimming lessons he was dunking his head without holding onto the side, so he's made some really good progress too.

We made pizza again, but William wasn't into it. Supposedly he told his mom that he's going to take care of the baby while his wife cooks.

The boys are going to New Jersey to spend time with some cousins tomorrow, so I won't see them for a while. They're also going to Florida for a trip, too, at the end of summer.

William's Aniken tail is three fourths down his back.

We've watched Avatar, and Spiderman Unlimited on Netflix. Now we're watching Spectacular Spiderman

New Star Wars Lego Ships Play

William's deam

William had a dream that there was only junk food. I don't know which one, whether people got better or not, skinny or fat.

dreams

William dreamed that, "food eats people. Corn, onions, apples, chicken and roast beef." Did you know roast beef is cows? "It was cooked and ate people. This woman was trying to cook the roast beef, but then the roast beef ate her head off."

"This man was, "curse these carrots," there was a whole army. His son had a collection of army guns and they shot carrots, and the carrots ate his body all over the place."

Was that really your dream?

"Yes."

"The woman was mommy and the man was daddy." "The food only at the mommies and daddies because they were bigger."

"They just cured the babies."

Andres, "I had 2 bad dreams and 3 good dreams."

Adventures is cooking with small children

I got a family cook book in the mail, because with my mother's leadership, I'm trying to cook more with my children, ages 7 and 5. So I skimmed Lynn Fredericks' book and she says, "don't worry about the mess." OK, I'll try. She gives a rationalization, but making my brain work that way might not work, I'll admit there is so much more than rationality.

So William promptly cracks an egg onto my rug. Yeesh. Andres has actually had practice opening eggs, so when it was his turn he did better, so actually that just shows that experience does matter, and that William will improve just like Andres the younger one, has.

We made an egg sandwich for Andres, which he later disavowed, "it's too bumpy." I thought he didn't like the grainy bread I got, but I think he didn't like the yoke. I'll ask him next time if he wants egg whites only. I just asked him, he said he doesn't like the yoke. I told him that's probably healthier in the long run.

I remember in nutritional science class in college, when I learned that your body makes cholesterol, and that the amount your body takes in is correlated to the amount you make, but there is not direct causation. Less cholesterol doesn't exactly translate to less production the same way as your intake. But that they're related is enough, you do what you have to to decrease it whether it's direct causation or related.

They liked stirring the pancake mix. I used to get the kind that didn't need egg and milk, but I wanted to do that. So that's why William was cracking an egg, he wanted pancakes. So we got the mixing going and pouring more milk into the mix. Andres wants to pour, and while I'm pretty scared of that, I let him mix some in. They fought to mix the stuff. Cute but not cute. I don't like the fighting, I think that's the most stressful part of parenting for me at the moment.

I think I was OK in teaching them to cook a little today. They really got into it, and I'm glad I didn't freak out. I gain confidence as they gain confidence.

Favorite photos from Santa Fe

From William's Wonder Years

From William's Wonder Years

From William's Wonder Years

From William's Wonder Years

From William's Wonder Years

William's dream

"All lizards came to me and I could control them."

William's Dream

"We got sucked into a big hole, and chewed up and then spit out in this big ocean that took us 5 hours to get home." How were you sucked into the hole? "Paddling too much we got sucked in." We are going on a raft trip on the Rio Grande today.

One a few days ago was that the world was just robots.

Old video of William, which is very cute

Glamma's magic carrots

cut carrots up, put on low heat with butter and honey.

William quote

"Visitors and Andres smell after 3 days."

Cooking with Glamma

From William's Wonder Years

From William's Wonder Years

From William's Wonder Years

From William's Wonder Years

Jamie Oliver's TED talk on his food revolution

And a bonus: do kids know what fresh food looks like?

William quote

"See andres, when people get older they like food and eat for like 10 hours," said William.

evolving rules

Santa Fe rules for William and Andres

1. Eat fruits and vegetables every day.
2. Use "please" and "thank you".
3. Balls and sports equipment outside.
4. Shut the door when you come in and out.
5. Brush your teeth twice a day.
6. Write in your journal and read every day.
7. Start going to bed at 8pm.
8. Napkin in lap at dinner time, no playing at dinner table.
9. Look both ways before crossing the street.

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years

William's Wonder Years