249. More

William made a quick mess of the place, with all his toys over the place. He hit the living-room, then the numbers and letters in his room, then the kitchen, then the dining room, bringing out the punch cups.

William went swimming for the first time in a swimming pool. He held on, but he was in a regular swimming pool. He dunked himself, and didn't like it.

William and Diana went to Mexico for the first time. They serenaded him with "Cielito Lindo". I got a good picture of the mariachi men. I got a little squiffy on margueritas. We bought gifts for family.

The last night, Wes got out the telescope. He showed us Jupiter, Saturn, the Orion Nebula, some star clusters, binary stars, that were doubly binary. Quite good stuff. And that was not with his big one, in the tower he created. He's still got to load up some software for that one, and do some more work to get it ready, but he gave me the tour. The tour is quite amazing, with the solar cells, the heat transfer, the tank, all the pool stuff. Quite a technological place, and environmentally friendly.

Unfortunately William was not able to go on hikes with Di and I. We had 2 lovely hikes and saw some good stuff.

248. Home

When William got home, it was like he was trying to play with all his toys at once. We got home before 7. Saw the sunset and sunrise in New Mexico, and then we're in New York City. William fell asleep on the first flight, after a bit of a fight, while we waited for permission to take off. On the second flight, he was awake, and fought me very hard to get into the isle. I've never had to restrain him like that. Once we were more in the air, I let him walk, and Diana walked around with him. Later he had a bit of a hissy fit, and then fell asleep. He woke up when we landed, and Diana's father picked us up, and took us home. I'm just catching up at home. Virginia, bless her, came over, and cleaned up a lot! So nice to come home to a clean home. Just looked at the photos. They look great. I'm going to upload them to snapfish. E-mail me if you didn't get the invite to see them, and you want to. We're home! It was a good vacation, and good to be home.

247. City of Rocks

William fell asleep easily last night, no fight to it. But we've not been able to see the New Mexico sky at night, we fall sleep too quickly. We're still adjusting to the mountain standard time, and the altitude. William has learned about flash lights though.

I got up with William and Diana got an extra 2 hours sleep. William did a little house wrecking and I tried to contain the damage. William broke his steps record. He went up 9 steps unassisted. Then he slipped and biffed his cheek on the rail, and cried. Di took a shift with William and I got to meditate.

After some of this and that, we took William to the City of Rocks, a quaint little park that has interesting rocks. To those already on the photo mailing list, you'll probably see some photos from that. I want to keep this an all text blog. Very picturesque.

Speaking of picturesque, William's poops are a different color since he went onto bovine milk, instead of formula.

Should I call my next blog, when there are two, "overwhelmed father"?

246. Fifth Tooth!

William likes to pat you when you first pick him up. It's very cute.

He took a long nap on the afternoon. It could have been because he's cutting his tooth. Diana and Di went out shopping, and I played with him. He woke up in a good mood and played sweetly in the rocks and in the stream that is fake. He was helping us turn the soil in Di's garden. He was rolling around in the dirt.

My mother called to say goodbye, she's going to England for a vacation. Di and Wes are going out tonight, so we'll be on our own tonight. I've been feeling a little under the weather, I guess I may have over done it this morning. William can just sleep when he wants to.

245. New Mexico

William had an exciting day, and his parents were very tired. We employed the lights out, in bed, between his parents method. He eventually capitulated, with a fight. He woke up twice in the night, and then when the sun rose, he occasionally gave a wail, until I responded with my open eyed face. He wandered around the spacious grounds. I went for a run with Diana and now he's napping. Last night when I was in the pool he was afraid of me. I hope he likes to go into the pool or at least the hot tub. He likes the water fall, and the views. He's put a few rocks in his mouth. He's learning to negotiate the doorway lips that are different here. He's going to enjoy himself. He made a royal mess of dinner last night, and really refused to eat the putting instead spreading it around the table. I think he's taking a nap now. Hope to give some more exciting Jyoti updates from New Mexico.

244. Arrival

I was awoken at 2:40am on Sunday, and William woke up while they dressed him. We got to the airport by 4 and were checked in, but the security gates don't open until 5, so we hung out in a coffee shop. William was wide awake, though it was very early in the morning. We went through security and got on the plane before we saw Wes and Diana. They had timed it perfectly.

William fell asleep pretty soon into the flight. There was a 9 month old across the isle from us, who was cute. Her mother threw a blanket over her head, and she fell asleep. I watched Ocean's 12, and enjoyed it.

William awoke on landing at Houston. William and I went to Texas for the first time together. There was not enough time to grab a bite before we headed to El Paso. William went with his aunt Di in first class for the trip to El Paso, and he enjoyed the extra space. As we began our "final descent", William hollered for his mother, and we reclaimed him. He sat on my lap as we landed in El Paso. It had just rained, and there was some snafu with me not picking up the stroller in Houston, so we got a loaner.

We drove to a health food store, and then got some diapers, and then hit the road to Deming New Mexico, where we're spending the week at lovely sunshine Wells Ranch, Di and Wes' lovely setup here. It's gorgeous. We have a huge house to ourselves. I went swimming yesterday. There are lovely views of the Florida mountains. Lots of birds and south west aesthetic plants. Many things are in bloom because it's spring.

William enjoys the space, and while there are stairs and possible danger spots, he seems to be enjoying himself. We went to bed early and got up early because we're still on Eastern Standard Time, instead of Mountain Standard Time, which is 2 hours earlier. Poor William bumped his head last night on the tile floor, I felt so irrationally guilty for a while, until I talked myself out of it. He recovers faster than I do. He's enjoying himself.

243. Departure

William slept till 9, with one wake up to refuel around sunrise. I gave him a bottle, and he drank half of it, and fell back asleep. He got up and played a lot, I got his new toys out of the boxes. He fought sleep valiantly, but succumbed when Zane and I went out to get some milk, and prenatal vitamins for Diana. We came home and Diana was cutting his nails. Only when he's asleep can you cut his nails right now. She took him to bed.

He woke up but went back to sleep. I put him in Zane's arms so he could hold him his last hour. He woke up in time to come with us to the airport.

242. Party!

Saturday was the big blowout party for William. Diana and Virginia and others were going early, getting cakes, setting up chairs and whatnot. Aida was working on setting up outside, and it ended up getting so cold that everyone wanted to be inside, except the kids who were enjoying the outdoors. We ended up packing everyone into Diana's parents one bedroom coop. It was quite packed. Kids were in the hallway. They did pin the tail on the donkey, and the pinata. AJ came in saying, "I hardly got anything." He only had a little bag of candy. Inside, the atrition rate was quick. Zane left, Alex and her brood, then Josephine, Michael, Evan and Ava. Zane was there for 6 hours, but Diana's mom was surprised he was leaving before they cut the cake. When I asked Diana if I could go, she said, "Before we cut the cake?" She implied it was a innocent valueless question, but I stayed till after we sang happy birthday. I was pretty tired, and came home and crashed. They opened presents and whatnot. He got a lot of clothes and some great toys. Lots of good stuff. Quite an amazing party for my sonny boy's first birthday. Many people worked very hard to pull it off, and many people came, and I thank them all.

241. Gathering

Thursday KayLa came over. Aida and Natasia came later. Then Abuela and Paquita. Then Virginia. Then Abuelo. And we had a big party for William, who promptly fell asleep. He was surprised to see all the people. He was also flummoxed when everyone was snapping photos. He hardly wrecked the cake, but he did some. Poor Natasia wanted to have a cake fight, have it be her birthday. She had a little sibling type rivalry.

Later Paul, the Godfather, came over. We were watching videos of William when he was first born. They were bewitching to me. I can't remember William that young. He was so helpless, so fragile.

240. One

Tuesday night, Diana was smacking his mom in the face while she fed him. He's drinking grandma's special boiled milk. He's off the mixture of formula and milk mixture. He's on the milk now. Abuela boils milk, which is probably wise in Ecuador where she grew up, but seems redundant in pasteurized America. William has also moved up from size 5 diapers to size 6 diapers. As soon as the stash of 5's wears out.

William gave me a sneeze shower. It's starting to crust up today. I took Thursday off, to be with William for his birthday. I gave him some DVDs, which we watched. Then I gave him a bath. He took a nap. I slept longer, and Zane let me sleep some. So did William. My mom's fed ex package came, and this time we were here. She got him 5 great books, colorful, with the thick pages so he can turn. Then I went out and got a cake, got a hair cut. Diana got a cake too. We went to the park, and coming home from the park ran into Paquita and Abuela. They took William. Diana was upset I didn't have the baby. She yelled, "I haven't seen my baby today!"

239. Colds

After the shower, Diana dressed William for bed, and Zane assisted. It's nice to have help. It's really quite sweet all Zane wants to do is hang out with William, when there's so much to do in NYC.

There was a scare. Diana came home, to find that Zane did not have William. They went over to her mother's house, and the baby wasn't there. Diana got upset. Turns out, Abuelo was with him. He got back from his colonoscopy and took William out. We all made frantic calls and left messages on cell phones. He was OK. Zane missed out on a day, but there's plenty of time. I think they unconsciously wanted more time with William.

Today Zane had William, and I got to leave for work only responsible for myself. Zane had a nice day with William, but they both have colds now. William has been fussy.

238. Habachi

William woke up Sunday we hung out a little. Then Zane went out to smoke, and William cried. So I got him dressed, and Zane came back in. But not to waste the dressing efforts, we went to the park. Zane ran around with him, and then I did a little. I got to read. I see myself reading at the park, while the kids run around. When Deuce is larger than William is now. He watched cute little girls with matching coats on the rocking horse. A little Indian boy played with him a little. I let him go down the slide.

We came home and Virginia was there. Diana was angry at me for crossing the street without strapping William into the carriage. She whacked me.

We watched Sideways on DVD while William walked around, and eventually fell asleep. He slept through the night 11:30-7:40. That's pretty good for him.

It was a big help that Zane was here in the morning. I didn't have to take a speed shower.

We went out for Japanese food. William wasn't into being out, he was fussy. So we gobbled, and left. He did like the hibachi grill. He walked part way to the car. He got side tracked by headlights.

William was running around. He's getting more speed, he's more agile. He's banging on the bathroom door. Mom went to the bathroom. He's howling at her. We will take the family shower while Zane talks to Bridget.

237. Teething.

Aida's birthday party was nice. William made a total mess of my black rice, and he was chewing on a lot of ice. He came home and fell asleep in the car, and stayed asleep afterwards, which is pretty rare. He needed a little finessing.

He woke up at 4:30 and went back to bed at 5. He woke up before 7, and because everyone is sleeping, I took him outside. He wanted to leave his room, wouldn't take no for an answer. So I took him to the park, where the sun had nor even arisen yet. He walked around with a metro card in his hands. Then he dropped it and picked up a bum wrapper. I got rid of the fallen lollypop and prevented other things from going into his mouth.

When it passed 8, I went to the bagel store, and got a deliciously warm bagel and coffee. William disorganized a candy display. We went to another park, and he enjoyed the soft underbelly of the bagel. We walked around, but when he went for some dirty trash, I took him home. I got home after 9, and collapsed into a chair. Mercifully William drank some juice and fell asleep. I fell asleep around 9:30, and slept till 2:30. Yikes I was tired. A single martini and my work week exhaustion, etc. I did take a nap after getting up at 5 yesterday, so I can't make a total sob story.

They went out, and William cried the whole time. He's teething. The ice last night, should have been a tip off. So it's going to be a rough few weeks I think, till he cuts the tooth, or teeth. I put the teethers in the freezer, put some bagels to be frozen, and we have popsicles. He's sleeping now. Wore himself out crying.

236. Zane Arrives

William puked sick smelling milk all over me. Poor guy. But he was fine quickly, continuing to play. I had to take a shower.

Diana's mother bought slippers for her stay in the hospital.

William took a nap and recovered from the puking incident. Actually, he recovered very quickly, he was playing immediately after he was washed up.

When I lay in the room trying to read, he comes in. He wants to upset my little iPod stereo system, my pens, the watch around the lamp. So I sing him a silly song to distract him. He likes music, I didn't know I was so musical.

I've been clearing the sink of the weeks dishes. He grabbed onto my legs, pleaded with me to lift him up. He took bags out of the bag bag. He played with magnets. He disorganizes the container shelves. Diana tries to organize the house. William comes behind her and tries to enforce chaos.

Zane came in today around 6am. I missed him walking by, but he found me. William was just waking up when we came in, and got to walk around and watch some Sesame Street. We went out to brunch and William destroyed the table, tipping over 2 glasses of water, throwing his pancakes everywhere.

Then we went to Cunningham Park. It was wonderful. He's not so much into running around, but I think he will come to like it more. And he was outside with a lot of children, watching them. He played some. We went on walks. He seems very social. I think he might be an extrovert like Diana, instead of an introvert like me. With me, he walked out onto the grass and befriended an African-American woman who was reading. She was very nice. Zane was with him mostly. He's got a lot of energy for William. He seems to really adore him. Paul (The Godfather) came over to the park and hung out with us for a little while. Poor Zane is very tired now. William fell asleep in the car. Diana is taking a shower, we're going out to dinner, to celebrate Aida's birthday.

235. Tantrums

Diana wasn't feeling well, so we went to the gynecologist. I got to see Duece for the first time, wiggling around. Arms, hands, head, legs, feet. Too early to see the sex even if Diana lets me see it. Diana is OK, just stressed out.

William is well. I think he's become aware that he is cute. Abuela took him to the park yesterday and supposedly he had a ball. He also flirted with an Indian woman, whom he ended up putting his head on her lap. He pulls me into his room, and then pulls down, so that I go onto the ground, and stay a while.

When he throws a tantrum he flaps his arms, or his head gets so heavy and weary that he must lean it against something. He threw a tantrum because I took a penny away, afraid he would put it into a socket. I gave it back. The only sockets he can really get to are in his room, and I watched him so he didn't go in there with it. He threw a tantrum because I wouldn't be led into his room. But I went in. He throws a tantrum when I have a glass of something and won't let him sample. Or food.

234. Emma Day

William likes Diana and I together. He let Diana sleep for a while last night, but after a while I could not be put off from opening the door to the bedroom and let him in. Diana was in a very deep sleep, but she didn't mind being woken up. So she said. I felt guilty waking her up, but then again she took it well, and was not mad. Diana is also a little better at self abnegation and sleeplessness.

When I am in the room reading and Diana is in the living-room watching TV, he walks back and forth and tries to bring us together.

He's sitting for more reading in his room. I have been reading a lot of the books that Natasia gave to him. I also can steam roll him more, I read a lot of Madeline to him while he was playing. I read the whole book, half aloud, and half to myself, while he played. He has a few favorites, but he also likes novelty. He also picks up books and turns the pages himself sometimes.

William went to bed at midnight. He had a sizable nap from around 6-9, with wake ups. He drank a lot of milk last night, and when he woke up at 7 this morning, he bedding was all wet, he had filled his diaper to capacity and it had spilled over.

I actually finished a book yesterday. I've cut out the newspaper, I'm hardly on the computer. But I got a good book to read. I like memoirs of people who are not famous. Famous people tend to see a memoir as a chance to name drop, and forget to describe experience closely, have more justification.

They're celebrating Emma's birthday today. Diana has to work, get her classroom ready for an inspection. I'm going to my mitra meeting in Bay Ridge today. Abuela and Abuelo have offered to baby sit William till the party.

233. Beautiful Boy

Bill likes the blog, he thinks it's real professional. His child is due a month before ours. Cliff sent an e-mail asking for news, so I thought to write now.

William is doing well. He's napping right now. He's so sweet, so cute, and such a terror. He's very attached to me, which I adore, and he wails when I leave in the morning. He likes to play, and I like to make him laugh. I chase him some as a game. He pulls me into the bedroom and I read to him some. I hold him and dress him. He's wonderful. He hugs me, he can be more affectionate. He's so curious.

I already wrote about the latest Deuce news, the feet, the movement in Diana's womb. We're on the names Gwendolyn Carmen Bell for a girl, and Phineas Daniel Bell. We've got a long way to go, and revisions are likely. I like Daniel, but it might end up being the first name, and who knows.

We continue to struggle to work and take care of one baby. Sometimes I think it's so wonderful to get another one, I'm excited to see who they will be. Sometimes I panic, and wonder how will I cope with all the responsibility.

232. Thud

William took Diana's hand and led her into the bedroom. Then he grabbed both and tried to push her down, so she would stay. He's done it to me a bunch since then.

At Abuela's, he only wanted me to hold him, a first. Usually he will go to Diana, but he didn't want to. He's never done that.

Tuesday morning I was taking a shower, and I heard a thud. William was sleeping in our bed, and he fell onto the floor. My worst nightmare. He was OK, but I felt terrible.

Tuesday night we went over to see Di, Will and Bart. So lovely to see them. William put on his usual show. He's a little scared of Etta when she barks. Will and Bart are seniors in high school, and have to pick which college they are going to soon. I can't imagine Will and Duece being in that position. I guess I have to financially plan for it, though.

Diana is showing, and wearing her maternity clothes. She went to the gynecologist and got to see Duece moving his/her legs, turning over, wiggling around, and turning his back to the sonogram. The photo she got was just of the head, but it's a beautiful little head.

When William is upset, he puts his head down, like his burden is too heavy to bear.

231. Auntie Grethen

Gretchen had her annual visit to Long Island. She's a trainer for U of Maine, and she's with the baseball team. They played on Long Island, and we visited her at the famous Hojo's that a famous rape took place. Gretchen was as vivacious as usual with her funny stories. She could be a comedian if she wants to, I think. Of course after a little shyness and flirting, William took to her. We went to the Italian restaurant we always go to when she's in Mineola/Westbury. He ate saffron noodles that Gigi ordered.

Gretchen gave him a "Maine" baseball jersey. A little large, but the only size for children they had. I thought we forgot it, but she had the foresight to put it in the carriage. Nice Virginia, who slept with William and let us sleep the night before, drove out, and paid for dinner. William walked around the restaurant, charming everyone, especially the waitresses. We got some good pictures, hopefully Gigi will upload them to snapfish and we can order them, and see them. Gretchen got him laughing and laughing before she left. It was good to see her.

William went to bed at 1, and got up at 4, went back to bed, and then woke up at 8. He's got a big day ahead of him with the egg hunting and whatnot of Easter.

William is Mr. Destructo, and he's Mr. Tough Guy. He explores quite a lot. He takes clothes out of drawers, he takes Tupperware out of shelves. He falls down a lot, and this morning he did a good face plant. Cried a few sobs, and then was OK.

Diana bought more maternity clothes, Duece is beginning to show. Suzanne is pregnant, she's due October 24th.

230. Four Steps

William just went up 4 steps, unassisted, though closely supervised. He uses his knees, and then gets there and stands up and repeats. He went four steps, and then grabbed onto the railing, and went down two. Then he got a little wobbly, and I picked him up.

Thank you to Zane and Bridget for their Easter present, some clothes and a teddy bear that we didn't discover until Diana explored the box later.

William slept from 1 to 7 last night, but he took lots of naps today. I worked, but Diana and Virginia had good Friday off. Diana went maternity clothing shopping. She's starting to show.

William got here, and rearranged Virginia's CDs. He likes to help out with laundry, and picks up dirty clothing and puts it in his mouth. Diana took the clothes away the other day and he threw himself on the floor and had a little tantrum. My patients tell me Ares is supposed to be strong willed. And I'm the bull who runs into the red cape, even though there's a knife behind it with my argumentative and provocative ways.

He was just chasing me. We were both on our knees, but he realized he was too slow, so he got up and walked. He likes to chase and be chased. He tries to turn everything into a jungle gym. He also turns everything into a toy. He likes to point these days and walks around with one finger in his mouth sometimes.

229. Diaper fight

William smiled at me when he came back from a visit to Alba's, with Abuela and Abuelo. I was so glad to see him. He was a bit wild, running about. It seems he's grown up in the two and a half days I was away from him with work and the retreat. He resists getting a new diaper, which makes it very difficult. Diana reported on a few new things he does. He covers his ears and talks sometimes. He likes to throw himself at Diana. Last night was difficult, because I was trying to put him to bed without interrupting Diana, who is under the weather and on antibiotics, and he kept obviously crying for her. Finally I gave in. I didn't want to be too difficult and frustrating to him on my first night back.

228. Early to bed

Diana went to bed to nap before 6:30, on the bed.. I fell asleep around 7:30 on the couch. Diana came out around 12:30, and told me to go to bed. She fed William a bottle, and changed his diaper, and he went back to bed.

I'm going away for the weekend, so I wish I would have had more time with William. I'll see him Sunday night next. It hurts very much when I first start driving away. This will be my second weekend retreat since William has been born.

227. Mama

William was laying in bed, thoughtful. I said, "what you thinking about?" He said, "mama".

Last night he got up pretty soon after going down, and Diana was so tired, she just brought him into bed with us.

The night before, he woke up at 10:30, which I got, and 2, which she got. I think he skipped his nap to be with his mother, and then he fell asleep early. Does he change his sleeping patterns to be with his mother?

He's found the crayons. He likes to put them in his mouth. He's not yet adept at coloring, though I try to show him.

He's been crawling more in the tradition crawl, instead of his funny leg up style. I think it's faster, he's used to walking so he likes to move fast.

Last night he bashed his face again. I hate it when he's wailing, in pain. He calmed down quickly, and there were not visible marks.

226. Ides of March

William is now a size 24 months, he's grown out of 18 month clothes.

Last night, after finally persuading Diana to go to bed. I got to stay up late with him and put him to bed. And he didn't pitch a fit to wake Diana up. Diana reports she woke up and though, "I've slept a long time," and she's only slept like an hour.

William likes to get into small places, test the limits of his motion. He was climbing around underneath his high chair last night, it reminded me of when I was a kid and loved climbing everywhere. I eventually graduated to trees, but I fear there are not that many trees around here for him to climb, like there were where I lived in Madison Wisconsin, in Eagle Heights and University Housing.

Of course I felt rather ill the next day without the sleep. William woke up particularly early too, perhaps to spend some time with his mother. He had an especially tear filled morning, because he wanted her, but she had to get dressed and go to work. I think she felt guilty for going to bed, and having to go to work. I think William is entering an even more intense attachment phase, which is healthy, good, normal.

Zane will be visiting for 8 days, to be here for his birthday, we're looking forward to his visit.

225. Eleven months tomorrow!

William used to cry for 3 reasons. Hunger, tiredness and discomfort (dirty diaper). He has added 2 more reasons. One is if he is trying to get one of us closer, attachment needs. The other is things just are not going his way. He was holding 2 pictures of Morris' daughter, and he dropped one. Diana picked it up and put it beyond his reach. He got upset at that. So a sort of lack of control or things not going his way can make him cry now. Sometimes he refuses to be picked up because he knows it's not always true that he will get to go where he wants to.

William spent the day with Abuela, Abuelo and Virginia. I would have gotten mad at Diana for keeping him away from me, but I was pretty under the weather, so I look forward to today for being with him. I tried to rest up and watched some bad movies (Miracle, Eurotrip). We all have a cold, and it's pretty annoying. William wants to be held more, and we both have less energy to give. It's been a hard week.

Diana has gone out to a movie. I hope she has fun. She slept late, to 10, this morning. I made her breakfast yesterday morning. Today I took a bath with William while she ate her breakfast unimpeded. She's stopped puking, but I'm not sure if she's not puking because that time is over, or she's just avoided all the foods that make her puke.

225. 4th Tooth

William still had a fever 102, so we took him to the doctor. He had not been eating much and was lethargic. He perked up when he first saw me, which is really sweet. When he smiles at me, I'm his slave. We took him to the doctor, and the doctor noticed that he'd just cut a new tooth. The gum flap was there, but I couldn't see the tooth yet. He probably cut it around 3:30 a.m. when I woke up and fed him the bottle. He was about to go back to sleep, but then he just started wailing. The doctor says cutting teeth can cause a fever, which I did not know. He also has a cold, but his ears and lungs are clean. So the doctor was not worried, there was nothing to do. The doctor said to come back if he still had a fever by Friday or Sunday. They don't have office hours Saturday. Also he said a fever of 104 is the scary number, 102 is OK.

224. On The Mend

He's getting better, but he's not 100% yet. We debated whether to take him to the doctor tonight, but I think since he's getting better, he's going to be OK.

I think I smell different now that William is born.

Last night Natasia was at Abuela's, and she played with William. I think she has a sibling type rivalry towards him, she has some scary aggression towards him at times.

Zane says he's coming to NYC for William's first birthday. Very exciting. Abuela is going to throw a party for him the weekend after his birthday.

I asked at work. No paternity leave. I could take unpaid leave, but not paid leave. But I do have vacation time I will take off in September to be with Deuce. Diana is pondering not going back to work, but I think it will be too expensive to have her not work.

223. Virus

William has a virus. He had cold like symptoms Sunday but they were not so bad. He had a horrible night trying to sleep. Diana was with him, but I took a turn at 3:30, when he woke up, and wanted to play. We walked around for a while, and finally he fell asleep with me on the couch.

Diana took the day off, and took William to the doctor. He said it's viral, that only to bring him back if he has the fever still on Wednesday, or stops eating and going to the bathroom.

Many people said they liked William's new hair cut, they say he looks so old.

222. Second Hair Cut

I've just sent off my snapfish album to some family, if you didn't get it and want to get it, let me know. I've also taken a movie file, that apparently is best seen on a Mac, but maybe you want it, if you have downloaded the patch or what ever they call it that allows you to watch it.

We took him to the place here, so we could get the certificate that he got from his first hair cut. Diana was disappointed because it did not have a lock of hair. Of course we've got a million locks of hair. He sat at the same little seat. He was more aware, and tried to turn his head around to see what was going on. But he did a good job. He looks so different.

Diana didn't cry at all. Her eyes watered up, but she did not cry.

Last night William did not go to bed until midnight. Virginia was at a concert, and she was locked outside for 45 minutes before we finally woke up with all her phone calls, door bell ringing and rocks against the windows. He woke me up, when he woke up, when he noticed Diana was out of the bed. Diana fell asleep with her sister, I woke up alone in the morning.

The night before he went to bed at 8, but got up later, and then at 4, when I got up with him. Constantly tired. Just wait till September.

221. Synch

Diana and William have really gotten into synch during her midwinter recess. This morning she said, "he's tired," she snatched him up, fed him a bottle, and he's been out for a while now. He took a 2 hour nap, she napped with him for an hour.

Later we took the family shower. Diana turned the shower on, and William insisted on going into the bathroom. He loves water. Diana brings him in when I take my shower in the morning on work days. I kiss the shower door, where his face is. He puts his hand on it, and I put my hand on it. But he was banging on the door, and Diana didn't mind a family shower. She washes herself. We join. We wash William. She goes out and gets dressed, and I hold him. She takes him, and then I get to wash myself, while she slathers him in some kind of baby lotion, and dresses him as much as he will let her. He takes to flailing at a certain point, and Diana puts him in the crib to dress him. He begun to fight diapering.

Bill took some great photos at his party, and sent them to me. Virginia said they look like they were done professionally.

I went over to Diana's mother's with them. I promptly fell asleep, amongst the chatter of visitors. The Beltrans were there, then Judy and Brian came. Supposedly Harry was coming over with his 4. William is most happy around the the family, it is a blessing. For me, it meant much needed sleep. For Diana it means support, connection, laundry. For William it means getting to know his relatives, their friends, hearing Spanish spoken, seeing children closer to his age. Human contact is good, I hope he's not as introverted as me.

220. Almost Ticket

William has moved up from size 4 diaper to size 5 diaper. I took William for a walk in the afternoon. Then I gave him a bath. He fell asleep in Diana's arms, and then I held him for a while. He's gotten very attached to Diana with her week off. I drove them over to the grandparents. Emma was there, with her 8 teeth. Hah! But she does not walk. Emma was trying to grab him, and William was pushing her away. Cops came, and I almost got a ticket, but Harry said, "I'm on the job...my brother in law is retarded." That got me off.

219. Socializing

William has a new found attitude to go along with his new found abilities. He likes to play with the TV nobs, turn the TV off and on. If you take him away from it, he can kick up a fuss. He's starting to get an attitude. He was swinging at Aida on Thursday. He pitches a fit if you stop him from turning on and off the TV. We were enjoying Spiderman 2, which Paul, his godfather, lent us, Thursday night, and he kept at the TV. Friday night at Bill's he disliked it when we wouldn't let him walk into the fire place, in their beautiful house.

Friday was a social day for William. He went into Manhattan and visited Virginia's office. Everyone thought he was adorable. One guy there has William's wild hair as his desktop. At the deli downstairs, where Virginia is known, they thought William was her own. She's the proud auntie of a large brood, for Natasia and Robyn were along too. They went back to Aida's for more time with the lovely ladies.

Then in the evening we took him to Bill and Suzanne's party in Port Washington. A hip party in a posh suburb, with delicious foods, interesting graphics on the TV, which was hooked up to the computer, and delightful music. Paul, the godfather was there. Another couple with a very tiny baby was there, and Diana got to compare notes with the mother. Others of Paul's group were there, and many interesting people I did not know. William charmed all as usual. He was very interested in the cat. I got pooped, and by 10 it was time to leave. An ending to William's highly social day. He seemed to enjoy it.

218. Just one

Diana got a sonogram today. Just one baby. Doing fine.

William was very huggy this morning. I think he was tired, and he's teething. He hugged Diana, and reached out for me. I held him and hugged him, and then he reached out for Diana.

He's also a squatter. He squats down and then can come back up without trouble. Quite impressive

217. Shaking me off

William shakes me off, he wants to walk on his own. There's no great day where he just gets up and walks. He gradually walks more and more independently. He gains confidence, and gets more skill, gradually.

He hasn't slept all day because Aida and Natasia were here. He also seems to be teething. He likes to pull anything down and put it on the ground: CDs, books.

He loves Natasia. She runs and jumps on the couch and laughs. He laughs and laughs, and you can see him yearning to join her.

216. Jibberish

I left William (and Diana and Aida) at Abuela's. They were all circled around him, amazed at what he was going to do next. Went shopping at Target and Baby's 'R Us. I was in the bathroom changing William, responding to the jibberish he was giving me. A guy said, "you should talk to him in words, I know because I talk to my dog in words and he understands." I didn't respond, but his basis of expertise was his experience with his dog?! And is it an either/or thing? Can't I do both? And what makes him think he has some right to comment? I do talk quite a lot to him, but I'm also mirroring what he says, in affect, approximating what he says. I'm hoping some day he will mirror what I do, and then he's hooked. I was ranting to Aida and Diana later. The nerve.

I stayed up with William till midnight last night, my eyes were closing. He was laying around with me, but wasn't going to sleep, so I took him to bed, and he saw Diana and started wiggling on her some. I did not mean to get her up, but she did not mind, I'd let her go to sleep. She's very kind about letting me go to sleep, but since she's gotten pregnant, she's been more tired. He slept with us some, but I was surprised to find he wasn't in bed with us when I woke up, hearing his cries from the other room. I think I'm the one who puts him in bed with us out of laziness, Diana is pretty good. I got up and let Diana sleep, though almost every bone in my body says I should stay in bed. I've been saying to myself, I'm going to be so tired when the next one comes, this will be nothing.

There's a Buddhist parable I was reading in Naghabodhi's book Jai Bhim!, which is an excellent book about the Buddhist revolution in India, instigated by Ambedkar's conversion, and his attempt to convert ex-Untouchables. A family was living in a terrible hovel. Ten people, no food, they were all wearing rags. They were very poor, life was intolerable. The father went to a guru and asked for advice. He said let a goat live with you for 30 days. So he got a goat. The goat ate their small food stores, made noises so they could not sleep, made the place smell filthy and even ate up their rags they wore for clothes. The father went back to the guru. My life is miserable, what kind of advice was that? The guru said that if he now got rid of the goat, his hovel would not seem so bad after all.

We walked him to KFC so Diana could grab a bite. He likes to eat ice, I think it helps with his teeth. I like getting outside with him, get some sunshine on his face. He's going to be so freaked out when it's summer time. I can't wait for the pools. Maybe it will be warm enough in New Mexico to swim when we go over spring break at the end of April. We're going to visit Di and Wes, at their place outside of Deming New Mexico, which is in south New Mexico. I'm excited, I haven't really been to that part of the country.

215. Ava Olivia

We came to Summit NJ to see Ava Olivia's baptism. There were lots of children, William is not old enough to take advantage of them being around, but he does like it. We went to a great restaurant to celebrate, and now we're at Josephine and Michael's. William took a nap and I napped on the floor near him. He's been enjoying himself.

214. 17 Steps

Error: William's head can not be 47.5 inches from entry number 206. I've lost the slip of paper where I wrote it down, so I don't know what it really is.

William took 17 independent steps yesterday, I'm not going to count any more. He can turn a little. He's still unsteady, and does not like to walk without hands, but he's getting better and better.

Diana brought William home yesterday and they were both exhausted. William slept for over an hour, and Diana fell asleep. She slept till almost 10. William was getting tired, but her waking up and joining us, energized him. He likes it when both of us are around. I eventually laid in bed, and he kept coming in. He goes to the garbage can, he wants what I'm drinking, he manhandles my book. I turned off the light, and he came in and I said goodnight to him. We need to begin a goodnight ritual.

I swear he says "gock" a lot. I talk to him a lot, and mirror what he is saying a lot.

He likes to squeeze through narrow places. The foot stool and the couch, the CD rack and the love seat.

213. Cute as ever.

Been so busy, going to sleep when he does, and not having time in the morning. I got to work a little early, so here are some notes. William bashed his lip on Tuesday, fell over on my watch. I felt terrible, but he was OK. Abuela reports he said "agua". KayLa helped us last night, Diana had parent teacher night. She has a cold, so I'm assuming we're all going to get it now. I think I'm fighting it. William is a cute as ever.

212. Momma

Diana left William in his room, surrounded by clothes. She stepped into the other room for a second, and when she came back, he had gotten into the hall way. He was standing up and he had traversed his room, past the bathroom, and into the hall. He had opened the bathroom door, which we've taken to closing, and was thinking about going in there, when she discovered him.

When Diana went to pick up William yesterday, Diana's mother said, "who is that?" when she opened the door. He said, "Mama."

211. No!

William ate some of the meat-loaf and mashed potatoes. I finished it up and he was upset. So I let him play with the Tupperware. He spread mashed potatoes all over himself. Diana woke up and commented. I said, "I've got to learn to say no." William said, "No!" We laughed.

Then William fell and bumped his head. Yesterday Diana felt so guilty because William fell off the bed. He's pretty tough. I fear the day he cries and cries, and then I'd know he was really hurt like I was when I fractured my skull, falling from a washing machine to the cement floor.

Diana has heart burn. Said just said, "I believe before the night is through I will throw up. She threw up yesterday. Everyone thinks it's going to be a girl, because Diana feels differently than last time. She's back to moaning when she sleeps.

210. Natasia Visit

William is eating soup with rice behind me. Natasia is watching cartoons in the couch sucking on a popsicle. William has lots of energy. He likes to walk around as much as he can. He really likes Natasia.

The past two nights he has gotten up. Last night at 2:40, the night before at 3:30. The time I found him at 3:30 he was standing up in the crib. He sucks down some milk, and then goes to sleep. When I lay him down he reaches out, but falls asleep. I've been very tired in the morning.

209. Park

Odds and ends: William woke up around 1. I prefer Noggin of all the TV channels, until 6 p.m., when it goes adolescent. I like the music of Laurie Berkner, too. They don't have any commercials. When he's cranky, weepy, I think it can teething sometimes.

We took him to the park. He walked around in the snow, looking down at his feet. He did not like the swing. But he warmed up to the place, and seeing kids running around made him excited. He liked watching Diana swing. We took him food shopping and then came home. He hit the pot with a spoon for quite a while. Diana got him dressed up and took him to Alba's.

208. Diner

I woke up from my nap, and Diana went out to a movie. William was at his Abuela's, so I went over there, and brought him back. First time I used the new stroller, seems good. A little different than the last one, there's a sort of bar in front. So from 7-11, I played with William, walking him around, and watching him play, keeping him out of trouble. We haven't baby proofed the house yet, because there's always got to be someone with him right now, so one, it's hard to get it done, and two, there's always someone with him to baby proof.

Sometimes I would try to make him walk. Sometimes he would want to do it, and sometimes he would refuse by just sitting down.

I think he swallowed an ice cube, and that made him weepy for a while, and then after that he was sort of wilted, and he finally fell asleep in my arms around 11. I put him in the crib, and he woke up later around midnight, and I held him and read in bed. Diana came home from her movie and put him in bed.

He woke up around 6, and I fed him the bottle and he went back to sleep quickly. Diana let me sleep till 10, but she reports she got up with him around 8.

We took him out to a diner. He sat in the chair and ate strawberries for a little while, but quickly he wanted to walk around the place. It wasn't bad, and everyone was sweet. I think breakfast is the best meal for him, at a restaurant, unless there are more people, for a while.

Diana doesn't like "Deuce" as a fetus name. She prefers "baby".

William fell asleep in the car ride home. It's such a nice day, we wanted to take him to the park. Maybe when he wakes up.

207. 7 Steps

William took about 7 steps on his own last night. Diana deserved the rest last night, so when she laid in bed, I turned off the light, and shut the door. William walked around, pulled books off the shelves, played with this and that. He kept moving. I thought he was ready to go to sleep, and turned off the light, but he did not want to and somehow he was crying a lot. I felt like such a failure not to be able to stop his crying, and I get really tense when he cries a lot. Unfortunately Diana woke up. I got up in the morning with him, and Diana got up a couple of hours later. Diana is out now with William and her parents shopping. The plan tonight is that she's going to go out to see a chick flick.

Everyone has been so wonderful with the congratulations and joy, it's been really wonderful.

What do I do about the blog? What about Deuce? Create a second blog for Deuce? Create a new blog for both of them? Create a blog about an overwhelmed father?

206. 6 Weeks Along

Diana is pregnant. She's 6 weeks along. We're expecting at the end of September. Very exciting news.

We had William's pediatrician appointment today, after Diana's gynecological appointment. We had the other doctor in the practice, for the first time. Diana likes him better than the other one, she thought he had a better manner.

He said William should start to use a sippy cup soon. When I asked him about William not crawling, he said movement was the most important thing. William does move a lot, and in fact he took 2 independent steps, and showed off his ability to stand independently. The doctor took blood from him. He watched and did not cry for a while, but when he realized he could not squirm out of it, he began to cry. And then when it finally registered, he cried with the one shot he gave him. William will get his next visit and shots after his first birthday. His head was 47.5 inches, which is in the 90th %tile, height was 30 inches in the 90th %tile, weight was 24.5 lbs., which is 95 %tile. He's the weight of a 15 month old, and he's 9.5 months old. Doctor said about his fussiness, that he's probably teething. Doctor's favorite teething item is a frozen bagel bit.

So what do I call the new birth sack I see in the sonogram? Sparka? Diana wants to name a girl Carmen Augustina. Carmen? Somehow I feel it is a girl, but I'd be just as happy with a boy. The doctor said Diana can still breast feed William. The gynecologist said it's better to wait 2 years for a VBAC delivery, so it's probably going to be another C-Section birth. Schedule the birth day. She asked if Diana wanted her tubes tied. Diana said no. It's all very exciting. My eyes are stinging so much I'm so tired.

205. Three Steps

William took 3 unaided steps. He was excited to walk towards my waving hand, and he took 3 unaided steps. Without shoes, in his pj's. Diana had a look of "I don't want to scream and scare him, but I'm amazed!" and, "Did you see it, did you see it!" I just saw him move toward me, I did not know it was on his own power unassisted.

William went to bed around 11 and woke up at 4. He drank 2 oz of milk and slept, but awoke when I put him in the crib. I went to bed with him, and returned him to the crib around 5

William likes to kick. He likes to walk with assistance, and kick something. A ball, a car, anything that will roll.

William put his hands in the snow today. He was walking outside, and he gingerly touched the snow. I made 3 little snow balls for him, but then he was distracted and we walked away.

William likes the movie Muppets Take Manhattan.

I came home Monday night and William was a little weepy, clingy. His face looks older, somehow.

204. First word controversy

Diana's mom, Abuela to William, thinks his first word was "teta", meaning he wanted the bottle.

Diana believes William has wailed for his "mama", and has said "hi" to her.

I believe the first word was "no", as stated in a previous entry on this blog.

Is there anyone else?

203. Forward motion.

Diana let me go to bed early, and Virginia slept with William, so I got a lovely night of sleep. I've forgotten that usually it's not the wonderful thing I imagine it to be, I have all kinds of nightmares and wake up rather confused.

William is his usually lovely self. Virginia had to move her photo screen into her study because William threatens to knock it over, break it. He took one photo out today, so it was moved. The further baby proofing of Virginia's house. Virginia is sweet, she has a nice place, which she had consulted an interior decorator, but she is very sweet and understanding about children. All it takes is a look in the drawers of the kids room, and you see all kinds of sizes of clothing, boys and girls.

William likes to take the long walks he can here. He's got a memory of it too, he keeps walking to the basement door and expects to go downstairs. He rushes to the fridge when it's open, he wants to examine the contents. Diana looks at the circulars and he wants to rip and wave them about. Virginia fixed us eggs for breakfast, and he wants to eat along, but we give him baby yogurt.

Virginia reports he woke up at 4, and she put the saline solution around his nose to unclear his nose, and then again at 7. Otherwise he slept through the night. Diana and I woke up and were down stairs when he came down around 8.

When we arrived last night, I came in. Virginia said, "where's my baby!" I like to see her excitement. Everyone gets tired of walking him, it hurts my back, but I do it a lot because he's so insistent. He turns towards you and put out his hand. It's so unbelievably cute, I can not resist most of the time.

When we leave him on the ground, he crawled some today. He puts one leg up like he's going to walk and uses that for leverage, so it's not the strict crawling with knees and alternating arms yet. But he can get forward motion, which he's lacked before. Before he would just roll and had side to side movement. He rolls over, and sits up. But sitting he is stuck, and calls for a pickup.

Last night he was eating the rice from the dinner Diana's mom cooked, that Virginia and I shared. He ate some cucumber that was in the salad Diana and I ate.

202. Third Tooth!

William is cutting his 3rd tooth, an upper one. Thursday morning Diana went to get William and he was already standing in his crib, that's the first time for that. Last night, William just wanted to walk around and around. He goes into his room and pulls all the books and makes a big mess. He ripped a page, and I brought him out and gave him a plane piece of paper to rip. Later I gave him one of the books that are not new nice ones, a weird one we somehow have, so he could rip that one, and he did not rip it. He goes to the bedroom and plays with the knobs on the drawers. He goes into the kitchen and grabs a magnet off the fridge, puts it in his mouth. I've got to wash some, they've almost all fallen on the floor and then we put them in a bowl to be washed. Diana got a balloon and he plays with that. He falls down sometimes, gives three sobs and then he's wiggling to get down. He can walk around in the living room. He get to the end, where there are no hand holds, and he turns to me, and holds his hand up, "come on daddy."

201. No!

William was fussy, to I offered him the bottle. He took a sip, and then when I tried to put it in again, he pushed it out with his tongue. I shook my head and said, "no?" He shook his head and said, "no." I think he really communicated with me. He's fussy because he's tired, not because he's hungry or needs a diaper change. William is 9 months and 13 days.

200. Hummus

Diana is trying to dress William while he is asleep. Time to take him over to Abuela's. Last night he ate hummus with me. I gave him some, and then he kept trying to get my bite, so I kept giving him some. Then he commandeered a bit of pita and sucked on that.

He can clap his hands, and he knows that is good, he looks for approval, recognition. He also knows about the buttons on the TV. He took some steps last night, Diana saw it.

199. Eye Sting

A weekend with Diana and William without anyone else. A little boy can wipe out two adults. We all took a long nap, which was blissful. Snowed in, we began to resort to phone calls as a way of getting out. Unfortunately he was difficult to get to bed. He took a nap, but woke up. Diana said she wanted to go to bed, so I said go. But of course William fell down and cried and cried until his mother woke up and came out. We put him in bed with us, and turned off the light, but that did not work. Diana ended up staying up late with him. I slept through his 4am awakening too.

William came home from his Abuela and Abuelo's juiced up, he was chattering away, and insistent in his explorations. He enjoys kicking things, I think he's going to be a soccer player.

I've got that eye stinging feeling, from fatigue. He's a sweet one. He fell down and cried, and Diana fed him and put him to sleep.

198. Blizzard

We are housebound with all the snow outside. Diana, William and I. William has all the energy in the world. Diana and I are two fading adults who have less energy, even though we take care of him in relays. He walks around, using things to hold him up, including his parents. He likes to go to the fridge and get a magnet and put it in his mouth. He likes to go to his walker, which he does not get in, but uses to help him walk. He plays a little with the things on it. Spins the mirrors, crinkles the crinkle thing. He walks to the TV. I turn it off when he's there. I'm not sure if it's really bad for you or not, but I get nervous. I turn it off. Diana gets him, and moves him away. Anything you try to get him away from, that increases his interest in it. In the bathroom he plays with his bath toys and drops them into the tub, where I can get them for him when he cries. He tries to open up the cabinet under the sink, and I think, “got to child proof this place.” He goes into his room, and I put him in the crib some, where he can easily hold himself up, but he is not stimulated enough for his desires. I hold him at the window and encourage him to look out. Sometimes I read books, we enjoy Todd Parr. Sometimes we read the small books, the touch and feel book, some of the books he got as presents. The Circus McGurkus from his Grandparents in California. A book about a spider who spins a web, that his Grandparents in Chicago sent him. He has some patience for reading, but he ultimately wants to manipulate things, move his hands, be in control.

He wakes up and his diaper is always full. He cries when the diaper is changed. He sips some formula. He likes the way Diana feeds him, he eats less for me. She also can use her breasts. I try hard, and can be very tender, sweet with him. This morning we gave him some of the bread Diana was eating and some of the oatmeal I was eating. He wants what we have. He had to try my green tea. I don't give him much, because I am unsure if it is bad for him or not. In his persistence I find it hard to refuse, but I know there will come times when I do refuse. Take a stand. This does not fell important in of itself. He was cold this morning, so I put some sweats and a fleece. When Diana woke up, she took the pajamas off. She rescued him, I was about to take him outside. I was trying to find some shoes to cover his feet.

197. Sweet Cheeks

Odds and ends: William took his first step at 9 months and 3 days. William was dancing to the rhythem of the printer Tuesday morning. Wednesday morning I ran over the stroller (no he wasn't in it) and destroyed it. I missed William Wednesday night because I went into the city. I look forward to seeing him tonight. Diana reports that William plays peek-a-boo now.

Friday night Diana came home and took a nap. I watched William until she woke up, and then I went to sleep. I woke up early with him, and watched him till she woke up, and then I went to my mitra meeting. Then when I got home, I watched him for a while, and then finally we began to share, as we both watched him. I took a bath with him. Sweet boy. Abuela came over and brought some diapers and formula, and played with William a little.

196. A Step!

William was free standing. He wanted to get to something. He reached, leaned forward, regained his balance. He did it a few times. Then he finally just took a step and reached what he was reaching for.

Diana cried, called Virginia, then her mom.

He was wearing his PJ's that Zane and Bridget got him, with a cute little bear and some Hebrew writing on a dreidle. Zane was slightly mortified to give religious PJ's. I don't care. Judaism is a fine ethnic religion.

I got out the camcorder. I taped him some walking, but the feat was not easily repeated.

195. Free Standing

William can stand, unaided. He took one adjustment step, but I don't think you could say he took his first step, it was more an act of desperation to stay afloat. Diana spent the whole day with William. She said it was good, but she is tired.

When I got home from work, I thought he was so cute. What is cuteness? I'm not sure. It seems to be a mixture of innocence and rapid growth. I think also there something about him being my son. Cuteness is in one sense just positive parental feelings.

I got a new mouse to replace the one he may have ruined by slobbering all over. Diana's cell phone also broke, probably from him slobbering all over it. He's been pulling out CD cases, and generally rearranging the house.

Diana had MLK Day off. The good part for me, was that I got up later, meditated, and left without the struggle of getting everything into the car. I'm also feeling better, I think the vestiges of my flu are gone, I'm only left with a cold which seems rather minor. I guess I can be easily overwhelmed, but that sounds like a judgment. What's the right amount one is able to shoulder? The more the better, of course, but who's to say what the exact amount one is supposed to shoulder. Some people cope pretty well. As a therapist to the stars, I teach Hollywood moguls how to cope. Just kidding. Better stop writing, William came into the living room.

194. Exuberance

William walked all around, got into everything, Saturday. He's only slowed by hunger and fatigue. He may bump his head or fall, and give a few sobs, but he's always more interested in restarting again, than wallowing. He likes to manipulate everything, food, boxes, newspapers, photos, containers, towels, anything. He's vocalizing more, but has yet to be more specific than an emotion. Usually the emotion is exuberance, so far as I can tell. We took a long nap together, and then went to bed around 8. He woke up around 1 and I fed him some milk because Diana said, "he's had both of my breasts," meaning he tapped her dry. But he drank and when we came to bed, he was pulling Diana's hair, while she slept. I thought he wanted just some comfort from her, but she went down and I found the bottle empty this morning, so he wanted to drink some more. I got up around 7 with him, and played with him until Virginia came down around 9. Then Robyn came down and Natasia. He loves those two and really wants to play with them. Natasia is really good at making him laugh. Robyn tries to compete with Natasia who has the age and experience with William advantage. Around 10 Diana woke up, and we had just began feeding him some yogurt. Looks like another exciting day.

193. One handed walker

William is a one handed walker now.

We picked up Aida and Robyn and drove to NJ. We ate at a diner, and came to Virginia's. Virginia came home later, because she had a work party. I went to bed. Virginia came into the room with William at some point, not sure when, but she could not rouse Diana, who was so exhausted. Soon, later, William's crying woke her up, and she got him, and he slept with us. I got up at 6:30.

William walked around, and felt the air coming out of the heating vent. He likes his little puppets. He could walk and explore all day, but I try to get him content sitting exploring his toys. We watched a little of a samurai movie and he fell asleep, just as everyone was waking up and coming downstairs.

192. Sicker

Virginia gave us a John Lennon CD with Beautiful Boy on it. The Celine Dion version was faithful. I liked the Lennon version, but I couldn't get off iTunes, so I listened to the Celine Dion version. Virginia also gave us the Celine Dion CD, full of children's songs.

It's happened. We're all sick. I'm coming off it. William is somewhere in the middle because he's got medication and will be getting better. Diana seems to have hit her sickeness full force, she feels cold.

It's been nice following him around. He walks straight to the outlet in his room. Yikes. He wants to get into everything. He would rip down the phone chord if I would let him. He's a handful.

191. Sick

William came home a little frantic Sunday night. He's a little over stimulated by these parties. They were calling him John Denver because of his hair cut. He liked playing with Emma's toys.

William spent Monday with Di Bell, his great aunt. He did not take a nap for her even though he's got a cold. I've taken a day off because I feel so sick. I shouldn't be writing but I actually have the time.

He continues to walk around a lot. He's enjoying playing with food. Abuela came and took William because I was feeling sick, bless her.

He's been sick too. He had 2 huge crying jags, and she was concerned about him. He's been a little more clingy, but he seems OK. KayLa came over to help out Diana. Diana found some high blood pressure cold medicine.

190. Breastmilk

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/01/09/magazine/09TOXIC.html has an interesting article on breast milk, and breast-feeding. I thought of one of my paranoid acquaintances.

Since I'm pasting in web links, the following is an interesting one on a replacement word for "jihad" because that word means spiritual journey, which is not what terrorists do: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4273847

I burned his little mouth. He gobbled up his breakfast, and I heated up some food, but it was hot, and I hurt him. Thank goodness he would eat some bananas from me later. Quickly trust was restored.

We put down the squares of numbers that Diana wanted, in William's room. I took some cool pictures of it.

William bumps his head, cries about 3-4 sobs and then is already wiggling to get down and get going again.

Diana said, now that he's standing we should start to measure his height. He will be 9 months soon.

189. Backpack

And Alex gave William a wonderful coat. He has 3 now. One that is a snow suit and fits, and 2 larger ones for the future. So generous.

Saw some pictures of Morris' precious one on Snapfish. What a cuttie! I put one in a frame for display. I need to upload some photos and order some (and send some to people).

I finally got a hair cut last night, my hair was the longest it's been in a while. I just cut my nails. Personal hygiene has never been my strong suit, but it's getting more and more challenging.

Can't believe how much William has been sleeping. I wonder if the combination of no naps and more hearty food has him sleeping longer. Maybe it is the white noise of the cold humidifier.

William went to Chucky Cheese for Robyn's birthday party. I took advantage of the situation to have some private time. They they went out to dinner late. I had a lot of time, but I got into a foul mood with negative thoughts about work.

William slept through the night again. He woke at 7, and I fed him, and then woke up at 9. I put him in the backpack and he's been on my back while I do dishes and write now.

188. Second Tooth

I got my first actual message from my blog, thank you Zane. I was anxious, I was just trying to own it.

William was a little weepy after Zane and Bridget left, he gets attached after 5+ days. Us too.

He's got another tooth coming in on the bottom. He is eating more things: orange juice, rice and beans. Diana's mother reports he is eating very well. He ate some rice I gave him last night.

He can stand for about 30 seconds on his own, when he is wearing his shoes. He's so curious and interested in everything.

He's slept through the night the past 2 nights. Friday morning he woke up at 5:30, which was difficult because when ever I wake up that early, I hope to get in a meditation. He slept from 7-8, and woke up sweetly, not fighting to get into his coat, or complaining. He goes to bed around 9-10, but it's a light sleep, and if you put him in the crib, he wakes up. He had a cold on Wednesday, but it's gone, now Diana and I have the cold, and we're kind of wiped out by it.

The same old paradox of personal writing. Not enough time to write, lots to write about.

Alex gave William a nice little bear that says over 200 different things. It's like the one Bob Grabowsky lent me for my office at my internship at Addabbo. Thanks again Alex.

187. Personnel change

William went from 10 days with his mother, 5+ days with his California grandparents, a weekend with me, to a day with Abuela and Abuelo, Diana being scant because of work, and seeing KayLa and Virginia. I picked Virginia up at the airport and she visited for a little while, before she went back home. She took KayLa home, which was much appreciated. I read in bed, and Diana played with William and watched TV. Except William kept walking in to see me, and I'd pick him up and play with him, until he cried for her, and then she'd come back, and repeat the process.

I can't be on the computer when he's around, or he wants to wail on the keyboard, or cries because he can not. Abuela said he was good during the day yesterday. Diana said he chowed down a lot when I went to get Virginia. He ate a bottle of food, and a bottle of fruit. I've never seen that. I think he's going through a growth spurt. He woke up for Diana, and I got up at 4:30 and fed him. Five o'clock is my opportunity to blog, I'm not sure I'm that committed to the blog.

William was chewing on my pizza crust. I thought it was harmless, it was pretty tough, and big. But he got a big piece off, and was choking on it. Opse. I brought home salads from Wendy's, after picking up Virginia. And he insisted on food. I gave him a slice of cucumber, which he chewed on for quite a while.

186. Happy New Year!

Just dropped Zane and Bridget off at the airport, with William sleeping in the car. And then I took William to his Abuela, who he's not seen much this last week. Zane and Bridget came in Wednesday night, and I think between Wednesday and Monday morning here, Zane walked William so much, fingers for support, bent over, he might have back troubles. I hope he does not.

We stayed at Virginia's in North Haledon New Jersey until Saturday night. Virginia is kind to share her housing with us. I hope she had a really good time in the Dominican Republic, we missed her.

Thursday they hung around the house, and we went out to eat at a good restaurant near Virginia's. William got some good experiences eating out while Zane and Bridget were here, including Tavern on the Green on Sunday. I got so tired, we canceled the reservation at Mesa Grill for Sunday evening. I was very tired, and I think I'm OK for work this Monday morning. But the dining was very good with Zane and Bridget here, and their generosity. William seemed pretty good with it all.

Friday I drove to work and Bridget took the car from there. They took Diana shopping and bought William a bunch of good stuff, on top of all their wonderful holiday presents. They got him shoes, which breaks my heart, he's looking really grown up walking around in shoes.

New Years Eve, William fell asleep before midnight. I was pretty tired and went to bed soon there after too. Bridget made the enchiladas, we had some fine wine, watched an Elvis concert and played Screen It, or something like that, a trivia game with a DVD, and then champaign when it was new years.

New Years Day we watched some Bowl games. Gretchen's Georgia beat my alma mater Wisconsin. Gretchen called to rub it in, and we also talked to Megan. Iowa had an amazing comeback to win, on the last play of the game. Michael, Josephine, Evan and Ava came over and Michael's Michigan lost to Texas. I got to hold Ava for a while and feed her. Evan liked playing with Virginia's train set. Virginia has some good toys for children.

Saturday night we came to our place in Flushing, and packed us all in. Zane and Bridget did not complain about the cramped quarters, they didn't complain about anything. I was very anxious at times, about them being comfortable and having a good time. I think I hindered it by worrying so much. They seemed to have a good time, and I hope they get back to California OK today, get some relaxation, and are able to work tomorrow. Virginia comes back today.

Saturday we rushed out for a brunch at Tavern on the Green. Wonderful place. Then we went downtown and rode the Staten Island Ferry. William's first boat ride. I was starting to flag, and everyone agreed to come home. We watched the Jets lose, and I took a nap. Zane squeezed in his last time with Sparky. It made me so happy to see Zane enjoying Sparky and caring so much about him. And Bridget too. She was reaching for them both by the time they left. Sparky got very accustomed to them, enjoyed their company.

183. Boxing Day

William awoke again at 7:30 while I was 9 minutes into my meditation. I let him sleep on my chest while I read Neurotic Styles by Shapiro. I got tired, and snoozed some, then went into the bed. He snuggled with Diana till 9. They both essentially slept 11 hours. Diana feels caught up with her sleep, refreshed. I went to bed, and slept till noon, which made me feel like I lost the day. I've got the post holiday excitement lassitude. Zane and Bridget are coming on Wednesday, so that's something to look forward to. I played with him on the ground, and Diana came in and out. She fed him egg yokes (he can't eat egg whites until 1 year) which he was not into. He wanted what I was eating. We put on the Celine Dion CD that celebrates child birth. I think Beautiful Boy is the best song, and that shines through despite her singing it. It's like Mel Gibson can't ruin Hamlet, because the Bard's work is so strong, it's got to leak through sometimes. I apologize to all Celine fans, I hope you enjoy her. William fell asleep, and Diana decided not to go shopping, and just stay at home and relax. We got to talk a little bit. I get an update on all the dramas of yesterday that I was not privy to.

182. Toys!

William got a toy that you hammer balls down and they go back and forth. He got some cars that you can rev up and they go. He got some clothes and a big kind of thing he can ride or walk with. He got a coat he's going to be able to wear at least till next year. Virginia, among other things, gave us a new diaper bag, and we were surprised to find it full of little goodies. Harry gave him a drum because I said I was afraid of the noise making drum. They also gave him some cool clothes and a roll thing, that he can play with and use to crawl and walk. And some great clothes. Great Grandma and Grandpa Parks gave him a great outfit. Celeste, Steve and Kattie gave him a great guy on strings and a children's spoons and fork. Many great gifts, they're hard to remember them all. We still need to pick some packages up from the post office.

At Abuela's place this morning, Harry, Angie, AJ and Emma were there. Harry had to go off to work. AJ was struggling to share his toys, he's 4 years old. Emma sat on my lap for a good long time, playing. I came home to take a nap. When I went back, Aida and Natasia were there. At first Aida was just in the bedroom, but she came out into the room Angie was in. They would not refer to each other, but they stayed in the same room for a long time. Poor Aida has a cold. I went home for another nap, and then took Aida and Natasia home. Paquita, Jimmy, Checho, Angle, and Jessica were there when I came back. Checho keeps asking me for photos, but I can never get her address. I gave her a sheet of paper, and said, "write down your address," and she never gave it back to me. Then later, Diana's godparents came over, Hector's parents, Senora Jenny and Senor Ugo. Diana's parents got dressed up and went out to a party.

There was a party downstairs, you could hear the karaoke machine and the people singing. I said, "should I go down and tell them we have a baby sleeping?" Diana said, "it's not bothering him." William fell asleep with Diana on the couch, while I was watching The Life and Death of Peter Sellers. An interesting, well done movie, but I only had patience for an hour of it. Diana moved into the bedroom, and I took William into his crib. Diana slept in her clothes.

She just woke up briefly and said, "I'm sleeping in my clothes!" and fell back asleep. William woke up at 6. I just woke up from an intense dream, too disorganized to clearly convey here. I fed him a bottle, changed his diaper, gave him a little more bottle, and then slept with him on my chest. When I put him in the crib, that's when Diana woke up briefly.

181. Christmas Eve

I heard a yelp, and movement. I went into the bedroom, and I found William hanging face down off the bed, and Diana holding onto his feet. Turns out she put him in the middle of the bed, and she bent down to get something. When she looked up, she saw William leaping for the edge. Diana got very upset, and I took William away, and brought him back when she was better. She was very frightened about what might have happened. I thought it was funny once I knew he was safe.

Thursday night we went to New Jersey. William started crying hard when we were almost there. I got to go to bed, and I hated to run to work, and say goodbye to my sonny boy, sweet cheeks. Diana was out shopping all day Friday.

I got home Friday night and took a 4 hour nap. I was so tired. Diana called me to help transport Aida to the Bronx, but I declined. I had to get some sleep.

Christmas eve this year was with Robyn and Victor, Virginia, Abuela and Abuelo, Diana, William and me. I haven't seen Robyn in ages. Today we opened some presents and we're going over to Diana's parents. I'm going to take Virginia to the airport now. She's going to the Dominican Republic.

180. Sweet Cheeks

Yesterday was winter solstice. William had a long and exciting day. He came home from his grandmother's very excited, alive. I gave him a bath, which was rough because he's outgrown our little tub in the kitchen routine, and he was full of energy, splashing all over the place. Diana went out holiday shopping. I spent some quality time with William, no distractions, no TV, no radio. He was a bit manic for a while, but he calmed down and almost fell asleep, but the bottle ran out, and he woke up. I video taped him some, and let him move around me. I like putting him on my chest and him trying to find his balance to stand without holding. He's getting so big. He pooped for me. He enjoys opening and closing things, like my armoire and the freezer. I'm not sure what kind of mojo Abuelo and Abuela give him, but it was good stuff, and it was good to see William thrashing and crashing around. We watched a little ballet on TV when I got tired, and luckily Diana was not too late, and I got to bed. I slept past my meditation window. Now I have to wake him up, change his diaper, feed him a little, and take him to Abuela's. Wish I had a week off like Diana, and could spend that time with Sweet Cheeks.

There was an interesting article in the Times on 12/22/04 about stay at home fathers. It's pretty rare, but in America that means there's 1.7 million of them. Unfortunately I only had 6 months as a stay at home father, but put another way, I was quite lucky to have William and time for 6 months. I will always treasure that time.

179. Took in a show

I've seen little of my boy. Last night I came home wiped out. KayLa was here and she watched William while Diana napped and I read and did dishes. I drove her home and then William was asleep. I got up meditated, and drove Diana to work, and then dropped William off at his Abuela's. He slept mostly in the car. And now I'm home and Diana is not home yet from her parents. Abuela says she saw him crawling, that he has another tooth coming in, and that at Natasia's recital today, he was clapping, and got very excited when he saw her on stage. Apparently he likes to play with boys. He's going to be a boy's boy, I think. He was so cute today, I hated handing him over to Abuela. I'm glad she took him out, sounds like he had a good day. Diana said they indulge him, he's been wrecking their house and they and he love it, turning over plates of rice, and whatnot. I bet he sleeps well tonight, with all the excitement. I really wish him to have a rich life.

178. Tree

I got a Christmas tree. It's so cold out here in NYC, especially when the sun is down. Tomorrow is winter solstice. Days get longer after tomorrow, but for some reason the weather gets worse for a while, there's more to it than the sun. We got a little snow yesterday, but William is not yet old enough to enjoy it. All my clients stay inside, I can't really blame them. Somehow we found time in the evening to put the tree up, but not yet decorate it.

I asked Diana, "you want to go to bed?" She said, "no, you go to bed." So I went to bed. I was awoken at 1:30 by his cries. Diana was sleeping next to me. I got up, gave him a bottle. He fell asleep. I put him in the crib and he slept.

This morning, Diana says she put him to bed at 1:30, and he slept for 5 minutes and then woke up. By then she was long gone to sleep. Poor dear, she's only had 5 hours sleep.

Sunday was really nice with William. Saturday I'm a bit conflicted with him, I'm thinking, "I've got him all Sunday." But when Sunday rolled around, he slept late and took a long nap. I think one key is getting a break, not always being on. Diana let me go to bed early. I said, "don't you want me to help you?" She said to me laying in bed, "like you are now..." William got up at 3:30, and was up till 4:15. I let him sleep on my chest, and then I rolled him onto his side and back, and he woke up at 4:30. Diana got up with him despite my protests. I really think she should take the day off, or at least go in late. I can't take a day off till February, and as it is, I'm yawning like crazy with the clients, which is bad technique, but they say that they don't mind, they understand.

It's no exaggeration to say we look forward to the days when he goes to bed at a reasonable time, and does not wake up in the night.

177. Pastina

Diana read the blog. She says her carpool friends bought her Pastina not Furina, little pasta.

William took a nap on me while I watched The Big Lebowsky. He's been a bit cranky, well fed and changed, but fussy.

176. Bread Puke

William just upchucked the bread he was sucking on. He fusses until you give him something, when we're eating. He's very oral, he wants to mash things in his hands, and sample them in his mouth. But maybe he ate too much, or he's not ready yet for bread that way, and he puked it on my sweater.

Virginia slept with William last night. I told Diana to go to bed, and she actually took my offer. Virginia got home from her office party around midnight. William stayed up till 1. Virginia reports William woke up at 5, and drank the bottle, and got a diaper change at 7:30. I picked him up around 9, and gave him to Diana to breast feed.

Last night he was a bit hypomanic in the night. When we first got here, he rolled around a lot, maybe 5 feet in distance. When Virginia got home, he was more clingy, but flappy and vocal. She's impressed by how active and mobile he is.

175. Tooth!

I felt William's tooth on the bottom. He's cut his first tooth. Diana said, "maybe that's why he wakes up in the night." Diana said she felt it yesterday. Her mother felt one on the top the other day, but I don't feel one up there.

He seems to be very cute, but he threw a fit when I moved him away from the computer to take a bath. Diana is exhausted, she's the one who got up in the night with him last night. I felt good today, I awoke in a good mood. I wondered why. Because I got a good night sleep. Sleep really does make difference in how your day goes, I will henceforth have more sympathy for people with insomnia.

It is a blessing that the women's car pool includes Diana, driving her home. They found some Farina that doesn't have any eggs in it, because he can't have the whites till 1 year old.

He has a tooth, he has a tooth!

174. 8 Months!

The Monday crunch occurred again. Diana has to stay at school till 4:30, and Diana's mother has to go to work at 4. So we called up Veronica, who is a cousin of Diana's. She's an accounting student, who is hard working and sweet. She's going to come over and take care of William. Hooray Veronica.

I had a lovely morning with William, reading and playing in bed when he woke up. Getting out of the house with everything proved to be more difficult.

He's got such a lovely smile for me when I come home. He wants to look at me, and won't finish breast feeding. We played on the carpet for a while, and Diana joined us. She fed William. Now she's showering with him. He was afraid because Diana was towering over him. When he was done, I rubbed lotion on him, and began to dress him. Diana put him in the crib and he stood up on his own and hung onto the side. I got the video camera and he did it again. He fell asleep during Everybody Loves Raymond, while she breast fed him, and Diana clipped his nails.

Great Grandma and Grandpa Parks sent William some presents. Now we need to get a tree so we can put them under.

Tuesday KayLa was mother's little helper. Diana went out to get stuff for an experiment tomorrow.

173. Out

William woke up and was cranky. His clogged nose was bothering him. Diana extracted a huge booger. I dropped Diana off at her class, and took William to Cliff and Vava's. I hung out there with William till about 3. We looked at Cliff's cool computer program that has satellite pictures of the world, looking at Bittersweet Place, Virginia's place was not up yet in NJ, Chicago... William wanted to join in, but was distracted by a keyboard Cliff brought over. Cliff gets very nervous about potential dangers of things. He also played my blog in a robot voice. We listen to Steely Dan, Bjork and Janis Joplin. Vava did some work. When William fell asleep, we played chess. It was good to see them, and I'll probably go over there next week for the last day of class for Diana.

Then it was off to Aida, KayLa and Natasia's. I promised Natasia I would bring him over, she was upset to only have him at the mall last night, and not at home. Diana was there too, she'd gone from class early, sick. Might have been the old salsa I gave her last night. Opse. I took a wee nap. Diana woke me up because she wanted to get to her mother's.

Then it was off to Abuela and Abuelo's, where Senora Jenny and Senor Zambrano were. Also Victor and his girlfriend Veronica (they're back together!). Virginia got there just when we got there. She was trying to drag in his play pen, which Abuela is going to use. I watched the demise of the Jets against Blitzburg, and came home to read and write the blog.

171. Stomach again

Friday night, Diana and William took a nap. William woke up. I hung out with him. I snacked on some chicken. He cried till I gave him some to chew on. He didn't eat any, but he chewed on it. Same when I had some pita and hummus. I gave him pita. He insists on partaking with what ever I eat. I don't think it's bad for him, because he just chews on whatever for a while, mashes it, and gradually he loses it. It's messy, but I think it's OK. Diana worries about the oil it's cooked in.

William went to bed at 1 after a few false starts. He woke up at 4, and not drink much milk, but I think appreciated the change of a soaked diaper. He woke again at 8:25, and we hung out a little. I was getting a tissue from the room to blow my nose, and that woke Diana up. William was finishing up playing with his breakfast oatmeal.

I offered to make Diana breakfast. I want to try and spoil her today, because she's got a paper to write, and that's going to be difficult for her. But the eggs said, "best by Oct. 21" So we loaded William into the backpack, and I took him grocery shopping with me. He likes getting out, and it's easy to put him in the backpack now. I'm not so worried about him breaking too.

We put William on the ground, and he was dancing when I put some music on. He rocks back and forth. I used to dance a lot in front of him, when he was little, because he liked it.

Aida came over, and they all went out to look at places. It would be a blessing if they lived close, but Aida didn't like the price for the places. I took a long deep nap, and when I woke up they were packing up to go to the mall. They took William, and I just picked them up. William is knocked out, he was stimulated by all the excitement but now he's knocked out. Aida offered to take him over night, but I wanted William near.

170. Stomach

My meditation on Tuesday morning was "ruined" by fantasies of writing a book on parenting for Buddhist. Diana staggered to bed at 10:30, and said, "I need to go to bed." I watched him and enjoyed him, then got very sleep and wished very much for him to go to sleep. He got fussy, perhaps picking up on my discontent. His fussing woke his mother up, and she put him to sleep at midnight. Sweet Diana said, "at least I got an hours sleep." But in the morning she reported she was very tired. While Alex scrubbed away in the kitchen, I secretly wished she would say, "Let me take him," but she was into her scrubbing, and I did not bring up the topic myself. William slept late, and I had to wake him up and taking him to Abuela's.

William was excited as always to see me when I came home. The house was immaculate, Alex went to town on the other parts of the apartment. It's really a blessing for her to help us out this way and really clean up the apartment. And it's spurred me to keep the place cleaner, it give me hope.

I gave William a bath Tuesday night. It was sweet. I love giving him a bath. He loves splashing the water. He doesn't cry when you get water in his eyes. He's such a sweaty. It's hard not to do this vague gushing when writing about him. I know it might seem a bit boring to read, but I'm struggling to write about it in a way that conveys what happens.

William had taken to trying to ingest me. He chews on Diana's and Virginia's chin, maybe others. But he's stayed way from mine. Too much stubble. But he does it anyway, which I am flattered by, he wants to ingest me, internalize me.

We found William sleeping on his stomach in the morning. He's also shrugging his shoulders at times. He can walk with help! He's quite amazing.

Wednesday I took William over to Trebor's. Trebor was very good with William and he was kind about the mess William made during dinner. He ate some pasta and bread. When I say "ate" I think gnawed, or gummed. Vajramati thought he really grew up. I'm glad he's getting experience with my Buddhist friends. William profits much by his time with Trebor and Vajramati

Thursday morning William read the paper with me in bed. He's been doing that all week. We get into bed. I give him the section he wants (the ones I won't read) and he plays. He plays pretty well. I like our little routine.

I arrived home to find Diana, William, LayLa and Alex. It promises to be an interesting evening. Diana's mom says William is doing more and more different things.

169. Clean!

William scratched up his face a little last night. He went to bed at midnight and slept through the night. He woke up, sucked down a bottle, and I changed his soaked diaper. We played a little, and at 8 I took him over to Abuela's.

Alex slept over, she wants to clean the house to make some money because she's had trouble finding work, and we could use some cleaning. She's attacked the kitchen today, it's amazing.

William shrugs his shoulders. He's so cute. Every little thing he does is so cute. I guess other people don't think it's cute, or are not so interested in William.

Paul asked me the question, "would you be willing to learn to drive more safely?" I wanted to say no, but I had to say yes. I don't think I drive very safely, but I do drive quickly. With William in the car, I do drive safely.

Elizabeth said, "William will have the best traits of both of you." My mind went spinning, what would they be? I hope he picks up the best from us.

William ripped into the corner of his eye, right of the nose. He cries when you wipe his nose, it's sore from his cold. Diana's mother said he was clingy today, she couldn't cook, so she brought him to Alex, and she cleaned with him in the backpack. He pulled her head to the side, by pulling her hair, so he could see what she was doing.

168. Steps

William took steps when you walked him as an infant, in the doctor's office. He said it's a primitive instinct. But he's been standing, holding onto things, but not moving his legs. Diana's said she's seen a step or two. But last night while Virginia was guiding him, he took steps. It was quite amazing.

He's also sleeping on his side sometimes, he doesn't just sleep on his back all splayed out. Last night I went to bed, I couldn't finish watching Shrek 2. I woke up to see Diana put William in bed. Then she came to bed shortly. And then Virginia came in and took William. She said he woke up once in the night because he couldn't breath with all the mucus on his nose.

We were not organized enough to pack up and go home, dropping Diana off at her class, where she has a test today. So I just took Diana in, and we left William. I got back here by 9, and William was up.

Diana was studying last night, while I took care of him and watched The Last samurai. The samurai is a weird combination of some elements of Buddhism, discipline and violence, practicality. From a Buddhist point of view, you harm people. It's much better to be harmed than to harm someone else, though you should try to avoid being harmed. The last samurai could have just retired and gone off, but he chose not to. In the Korean Buddhist movie that came out recently, there's wacky seen where the "Buddhist" does a bunch of karate moves. I think "martial arts" have nothing to do with Buddhism, in my opinion. Martial arts uses meditation and is inspired by mindfulness and influenced by Buddhism, but I think it gets one point wrong--that violence is the solution, even if it's self defense. Self defense could be way before violence.

Last night, overhearing Diana talk to Alex, she said she'd caved into to all the opinions, everyone thought he should get a hair cut, and that she regrets letting us get the hair cut. I felt guilty, at railroading her. I was so caught up in my idea that he should not have hair in his eyes, that I did not see how important this is for Diana. I think William is cute, but I don't want to make his mother unhappy.

Eating has been difficult lately. Last night he flailed with his harms, hitting the spoon and the saucer the food was in, twice, making a mess. This morning I think I got more oatmeal on my shirt than I got into his mouth. He really wants to feed himself, but I'm afraid he's not coordinated enough yet to even attempt. But that's coming up close, he clearly wants to do it, and he's pretty insistent, which I do like.

His crawling is getting closer. I'm putting things out of his reach to create the tension to get to it. He moves forward, but one leg is still under him, not behind him. Sometimes he falls over on his face. He's still unstable, but he's really interested. I think his arms are strong enough, but he's having trouble coordinating his legs. His legs are strong for standing, but not so much at the angles of crawling.

He's more vocal. I know I've said it's more and more complex, but I see even more complexity, volume, and control. No words yet, but I see him getting close. He puts everything in his mouth, he slobbers over everything. I read in the What To Expect The First Year book that you need to worry more about the chemical cleaning agents on things, than things being dirty. He has had a runny nose that goes back and forth, since we've come back from Chicago.

Everything seems on the brink now, he's getting close to doing a lot more, functioning in way he hasn't yet, and that will change his consciousness drastically. He seems to be in between all this stuff, and the baby that he once was. It's gradual, these things are stages in my head, but I don't think they really exist.

167. Haircut!

Diana finally let William get a hair cut. His hair was below his nose, it was getting in his eyes. She was very conflicted, but Virginia said to do it, so she followed Virginia's advice. We went to a cute little place, and they did a good job. Diana cried and cried, and then was angry at me for a while, but she recovered by the time we'd done some shopping at Babies 'R Us. He looks different, and you can see his face. I go to put the hair out of his eyes, but there's none in his eyes. Even with the hair cut, a woman said, "how old is she?" and I had to admit to Diana that it wasn't only the hair that was throwing people off, as I maintained, but that also people are just stupid, which is what she maintained. We went to Red Lobster for lunch, and William fell asleep. We came home, and he's still sleeping. Virginia went out shopping.

Virginia helped us last night. I snuck off to bed, and got a good night sleep. Virginia went to bed, but Diana put him in bed with her, when she went to sleep. I really appreciate the one night of sleep, without worries. Virginia is very kind, and Diana is very kind for not waking me up, because she said William went to bed at 12:30. I got up and read the paper for a while, before everyone woke up, a nice treat. Maybe rested and relaxed, taken care of by Virginia, Diana had the strength to let William get a hair cut today. I really like him with shorter hair.

166 Gigi to the rescue

We're in NJ in the warm comfort of Virginia's company. We were all very glad to see her back, we missed her. Diana's mother takes care of William during the day, and it's so huge, it's hard to imagine. But it's easier to imagine that Virginia will sleep with William tonight and give us some rest. Increase our margin for error, which has shrunken to quite small. We need all the help we can get, but sleep is my favorite help. Virginia is very helpful in many other ways, but I dearly dearly miss sleep. There's a new study out on life contentment, and I think sleep was the most important thing.

We drove out, even though I need a new clutch. I'll try and get one Sunday, and will probably not get one till Monday. William and Diana slept in the car. We got here before Virginia. Surprise. She said call before we come out, but we just came out. We're so keen to be here.

Gigi thinks William has grown, she's getting all caught up on his new developments. I'm very glad she is so devoted to him.

I've just downloaded the photos from her trip onto her computer, so I can take pictures of William. She's got a good camera, and it's easier to load up from her computer, the software is better for Windows, for Snapfish. On my Mac I need to choose every picture, and on hers I can just upload what I've just downloaded onto her computer from the camera. Saves time, and her camera is better. Don't tell Diana I said that, she gets touchy, because she bought my camera, which I do love.

165. Attachment

William went to bed at 11:30 Monday night. He woke up at 3. He gave a semi-confused smile to Abuela after not seeing her for a long time. But I'm sure he remembered quickly. When I got back over there at night, William was not interested in me, he wanted to see Natasia. He prefers young children already, not his father. I was a bit taken aback by his lack of interest in me, but I have to accept what is.

I took advantage of the situation to come home and read. I read walking your child outdoors in the early months helps them to get the night day cycle. Wish I would have known that. William tends to nap from 7-8, and then stay up late. He's going to be exhausted tonight with all the hubbub.

Diana says she breast fed him at 10:30 and he konked out. When she went to put him in his snow suit, he started wailing. He slept through the night, Diana fed him at 5. I got up at 6, meditated, and drove them to work. William was happy that I held him before I left. He got upset when I left. I felt terrible. I came and visited at lunch time. He's got a cold and he keeps putting his tongue out to lick his snot. When I got home in the evening he napped, and then was weepy, wouldn't let me put him down. He's OK now. He's got a cold, seems to have gotten it after the flight home from Chicago.