My sons

William asked Andrew, "is today a cloudy day or a sunny day?" I ask William that.

Andrew has taken to cleaning with the baby wipes.

William had an hour of speech yesterday and he was very verbal in the evening, very intelligent. I was impressed.

I've been mulling over going to an institute to develop my skills as a psychotherapist. It would take me away from the family and from my spiritual friends. But I think I would be more responsible at work, I would be able to help more as a therapist. I suppose I feel like I've been floundering long enough, I need more.

It's going to be hard, because I put the boys to bed, and I wake up with them, and I don't have enough sleep. We're in a routine of getting into the bedroom, drinking milk at 9. But sometimes it draw out till later. Sometimes they take big naps in the day, or they're just not tired. They have been getting up at 7. Say 10-7, that's 9 hours, that's not enough for a 19 month, and a 3 year old. I worry about sleep and the boys.

William has been into his Thomas The Tank Engine tracks. He got some for his birthday. At Natasia's he says, "they're my tracks." He really likes the tracks. This morning he asked me to put them together, but I was so tired, I couldn't get into it, and I wanted him to do it.

I love those boys, I'm looking forward to the weekend.

Molars

Andrew has at least 3 new molars that I can see. He's been crying more than usual lately, and that's why, we think. He's a good eater.

My new job has later hours, thus I'm going to be with the boys more in the morning, and I'm going to be putting the boys to bed at night. That's a difficult transition for them. William got up really early this morning to get some mommie time.

Andrew has be more aggressive. He's hitting William, he clocked him with a car the other day that left a little mark. At times he won't share the window. But they have fun with each other too, they enjoy playing with each other.

William has a new dance, he's really physcially expressive with hunched shoulders to express disappointment.

This morning he said, "look at me Andrew," and then babbled. I have been asking for more eye contact. I've got to use more respectful language. Anything I say to them comes back to me five fold. Beautiful boys, I'm grateful.

Party!

So the party was wonderful. Virginia rented this bouncing castle thing the older kids played in all afternoon, until it was too dark and I turned off the air. William went in for a little while, but for a long time resisted it. He went in when I took a nap with Andrew.

They both looked cute in their matching track suits of Thomas The Tank Engine. They had had a fresh shower when I arrived after picking up Paquita, Jimmy, Judy and Brian. Some of Virginia's co-workers and friends came, with Hannah around William's age. Some of Diana's work friends came, Elaine was in a good mood. I finally got to meet Frankie, his mother and father. Natasia and Robyn are sweet cousins to William. There were some relatives from Ecuador visiting too. Jacky, her mother, Zsolt, his mother, Nichole and Christian came. Joseph came. Evan, Ava, Micheal and Josephine were there. It was chaos at times, we didn't end up playing pin the 1 on Thomas. We did do the cake and the pinata. I slept in Queens, so I want to write this and get over there before they open up all the presents. Paquita gave William a Thomas "laptop" which is really cute. His first laptop! We're really lucky to have Paquita in our lives. And Aida and Virginia, Abuela, Judy and Ebo were all slaving away. It's really quite an amazing thing the way the family pitches together. Well done!

Some things I forgot to mention yesterday: Andrew got his 8th tooth. We took them for haircuts. I put the boys to bed alone, without the boys protesting so much and Diana coming in. Easter went by. Next weekend is William's 3rd birthday. William does slow motion man sometimes. He's got the cute saying, "Join me daddy." I can't resist. Diana has had a 5 day weekend, after 4 days of inservice training.

William is 3! A great day!

Today we have a big party for William at Virginia's in Mahwah. He turns 3 years old. It's hard to believe. It's not long ago that I was handed by the nurse this little newborn bundle. I try to savor and appreciate the moments. They fly by swiftly. As Blake says, "kiss the joys as they pass." I have tried to kiss William as much as possible. But he's getting older, and while he'll hug and kiss you, he moves on to his interests--Lego, cars, trains, Spongebob Squarepants, playing with his lovely brother Andrew.

William has grown up quite a lot, and he looks like such a boy. He can be kind and focused, articulate and caring. Even when he's "difficult", I know it's just my difficulty, he's really doing OK for him, he's doing what he needs to do, at that time. I'm so grateful that he has entered my life. I am a very lucky man indeed. And as family and friends gather today to celebrate William's birthday, I am grateful for them too! William has drawn many people towards us, me, and I am grateful for that too. He's changed the world in dramatic and subtle ways, that I greatly appreciate. He has helped me to grow up and become more flexible and wise. I can't really express what an amazing adventure it has been. Welcome to the great adventure, as Lou Reed says.

I left teaching about 5 years ago, became a Buddhist and went to social work school to become a psychotherapist. I've gone through 2 internships and on Friday I left my first job, where I worked for 2 and a half years. It reminds me of breaking up with my first real girlfriend. She was great, but I was off to college, and wanted to enjoy the world. I'll miss my co-workers and patients greatly. The past 2 weeks I've gotten more praise than I've ever gotten in my life. It's been a funeral and a parade. I'll miss Jen, Natalie, Caroline, Nati, Nitza, Florine and Linda. But I've moved my cheese, and on Monday I embark on new job, another great challenge.

All this change makes me grateful. My parents and step parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents are the foundation. Teachers in school, sports coaches, others. It can be quite humbling to think about all the people who have influenced my life. And to think about that happening to William and Andrew makes me happy.

I was recently saddened by the death of Kurt Vonnegut. Someone was throwing out a box of books when I was a teenager. So I reached in and grabbed out one. I somehow picked Slaughterhouse Five, and while I've read books as a child, this was my first adult book that I choose voluntarily to read and really enjoyed. I was hooked, I've read all 14 of his novels. He ushered me into the lovely activity of reading. I don't read novels so much any more, and I don't read as much as I used to before the boys come along, but books too, I am grateful for, I'm grateful for Kurt Vonnegut.

My wife has been wonderful, steady throughout all this change, and keeps a pretty even keel despite her difficulties. Her family, which at first I thought was too enmeshed, is a real joy now. They are beyond generous. A precious gift.

It saddens me that none of my Buddhist friends are planning to come to the party today, but spiritual community, the sangha, and my mitra study group, are an invaluable resource to me. Sita, Alyssa, and the new New Yorker, Savanna are precious to me. Vajramati is my kalyana mitra, my spiritual friend writ large. I have others as well, and I really find that for me, Buddhism is a powerful positive catalyse for change. Meditation changes my life every day. I am lucky enough to study the dharma, taught by a buddha.

So today, on this day of celebration for William, is also a big transition for me. I too am growing up a little bit, and am hugely grateful to be having such a party to celebrate my son's first 3 years. I wish to give my all in making this a great day!