357. Christmas

We came to Virginia's Friday night, late because they did some last minute shopping. Virginia slept with Grunty. Harry, Angie, AJ, Emma and Venus came over. Then Abuela and Abuelo, with Judy, Brian, Alba and Veronica. Then Victor and Janet. We had a nice meal, but William was tired, and I went to bed with him. He woke up later, and we found him crying on top of the stairs. Someone turned down the monitor. So William was awake for the festivities.

Somehow they got Tim to dress up as Santa Claus. We took pictures. Abuela wanted to talk about baby Jesus, but the kids went a little nuts with the presents, and she sat down. I think next year we should prepare the children, so she can say her piece.

AJ, Venus and Brian were mobbing the presents so much, there was yelling back and forth, it was a bit too much for me, when the presents were opened. William got a present he liked, shapes that go into a board. He's enjoyed that one when he was being evaluated. He got cars, and a semi truck that holds cars. William and Andrew got all kinds of clothes. His great grandparents gave them some nice clothes, one of the pajamas glows in the dark. Venus got a cell phone for emergencies, and she was very excited. Everyone enjoyed the ball pit that Josephine sent over. Everyone wanted to play with Andrew's lay on your back and swat at things toy. We couldn't get the kids to stop, so we finally took up Andrew and let them play with it, until they got tired of it.

William got an activity center, and a big truck. I gave him some books, one of which I can not find. I gave everyone a calendar with photos of William, Andrew, Virginia and Aida, the godmother. I forgot that Harry might not appreciate that, but after some jokes he was gracious. I gave the women English readers Barbara Lewis Marco's The Little Book of Courage, a sweet little book. I gave everyone at work that too. I've got some more to give out too. I gave Diana tickets to see Avenue Q on Broadway. Brian liked his Mets jersey, and light saber, but the kids were left wanting more, and kept hovering around the presents, looking for more. Someone said, "one present at a time," but that rule did not hold for one second. I got many nice things, of which I am very thankful for. We watched Serenity the next day, a DVD Diana got me, and we all enjoyed that, though Diana took William away when it got violent. I hope everyone is happy with their presents. I was mostly focused on William. I think Andrew liked being held, he's never been held so much, he's usually put down occasionally. Alba was holding him a lot.

So Christmas Day, was nice. Harry and his brood slept over. Later Aida and Natasia came over, and we had a second Christmas. Natasia has a special place in my heart, and it was good to see her and Aida. Kay La is down in Florida with her sister. Lots of presents left for the people who were not there.

I had to work the 26th, but it was a quick ride in, and we got off early. I got home, excited to see my boys, Diana, everyone, and they were out shopping. So I have some time to read the paper and blog.

I had a real swelling up of holiday spirit, very positive emotions this year. I called all my buddhist friends, and the godfathers. I'm in the process of calling family now. I had a very nice conversation with Grandma in Georgia. I feel very lucky, I have such a rich life. I wish everyone happy holidays.

The irony, is that the nearest Buddhist holiday is Bodhi Day on the 19th, celebrated by the Zen tradition. I enjoy other's positive emotions and happiness. Because it means so much to people, there is a great atmosphere, and being around Diana's family is very comfortable now, I enjoy their company. I think William and Andrew make this time special, having children. It's been a good weekend.

356. Seven new teeth!

Diana says she noticed 7 new teeth today in William. Pop.

William said "Daddy", trying to get him to talk to me on the phone, and he went to the door expectant. That's usually when she says "Daddy".

William says "more" for bubbles, the speech therapist taught him that, maybe. She suggests I have a little story book about going home, to help him with the transition. He's been throwing tantrums when he comes home.

We got a present from Celeste, Steve and Katie last night. Tonight we got ones from Zane and Bridget, Kathy and Rich, and Ginger. Yeeha! We're off to New Jersey when Diana and Virginia get back from shopping. William has temporarily fallen asleep, which gives me the freedom to write this.

Happy holidays to everyone! I'm very excited to share this holiday with my two fine boys. William did not tear apart a gift we opened, but he did help me to rip it. I think this is going to be a learning Christmas for him. It's not really my holiday but I'm happy for everyone else, and I get caught up in the positive emotions and giving.

355. Transit Strike

NYC has a transit strike. The thing I noticed on my commute was there was an odd back up at Northern Blvd., where there usually is not one. But the strike really hit home, when I called Alyssa to see if she wanted to meet for diner before sangha night, and she said, "are you crazy, sangha night is canceled." Opse. Harry and Angie are working more with the stike, so Emma, Venus and AJ we sent to Abuela and Abuelo's house to be taken care of. That put a wringer into my night, it's very stressful for me to be listening to Emma crying on top of William and Andrew. Aida and Natasia didn't come over to visit, as promised this week, probably because of the strike, and we still have the inflatable bed out for them, from when they slept over Sunday night. But I did get to meditate, and then went over to Abuela's. I brought William home, and he got angry coming in. Diana says he wants to spend more time outdoors in the cold weather, but we also get into fights about how much to protect him from the cold. I don't want to put the plastic thing over his stroller. He shook my gloves off, preferring bare hands. He's fallen asleep around 10 pm both nights, which has been wonderful. So while Diana and I were not really effected in our commute, the effects spilled over onto others, and that effected us.

I'm getting William 8 matchbox cars, and 5 books. I figure Andrew will get some benefit out of them, too. We got a package from Gretchen today. We got something from Di and Wes in New Mexico. Grandma and Grandpa Parks sent some presents. We're waiting to open thing up Christmas Eve. It's all very exciting.

I'm just starting to read Raising A Sensory Smart Child by Biel and Peske. which they recommended for us to read for William.

Andrew seems to be growing and growing. He's huge, so adorable. William seems to be losing the toddler baby looks, he's more of a little boy now. William is so sweet and wonderful. I love them both very much.

354. Family

It's been a tough two weeks, with Diana going back to work. Taking William over in the morning is an added difficulty, and I'm often taking them home. William cries as he's handed over, which is heart breaking, and he doesn't like coming home either, he fights that. Diana has been surviving on almost no sleep, and I've gotten sick with the cough that William has. Diana's work, cut her off from health insurance, in a mistake. They have made other mistakes, which to me indicate that the board of education is not family friendly. The principle of her school is not family friendly. Both of those statements sound bizarre, but they are true.

There was an article in the times about buying electronic gadgets for children under three, that has made me more anxious about all the time William spends watching DVDs. The evaluation made me feel ignorant, that I had not been more in tune with teaching my son commands and supporting his language development more. I suppose you live and learn. I'm a little negative due to lack of sleep. I'm not sure how Diana does it and keep a positive attitude.

As hard and impossible as it all is, William and Andrew are cute and lovely. And will coo at you for hours. William is saying more and more words, running, giving his brother toys to play with. Poor William has been under the weather a little bit lately. They asked me to work another day at work, and I turned them down. I'll work a little extra in the evening if needed, but weekends are sacred, they are for my family.

353. Evaluation

We met for the formal evaluation today. He's going to get some speech services, which can't hurt him, will teach us, and can help to monitor him for other developments and needs. They recommended some books on sensory integration, that I'll be reading soon. I'm hopeful and upbeat. They say they can't predict anything based on what they see now. Twice a week, for 30 minutes, in our home.

352. Ceremony

We had a wonderful naming ceremony. Vajramati presided again. I haven't seen Linda in a while. Cliff came, but Vava was busy and came later. Trebor came with Jen. Sita brought Carol, who is in town hawking Windhorse books. Nice to meet her, and that she would join in. Seth came; I was too tired to go to his party unfortunately. Jamie came! Haven't seen him in ages. Alyssa held Andrew/Santikara the most. Harry, Victor, Janet, AJ, Venus, Natasia, Emma, Aida, Virginia, Abuela were also there. Twenty people! Nice healthy grub afterwards. Cliff and Vava stayed a while to hang out. I'm so touched that so many people made it out. Sita, Cliff, Harry, Victor and Abuela came to both ceremonies. And Vajramati too, he presided well over the happenings. He has much merit. Trebor took some video, you can see it at:

http://ia300231.us.archive.org/0/items/santi_kara_naming_ceremony/VCLP0114.MP4

351. Santikara

http://www2.bremen.de/info/nepal/Gallery-2/Ngor/6-18/NM-118-1.htm

The link is for the mandala of Santikara, which is Andrew's Buddhist name, for tomorrow's ceremony.

350. Freakenomics

Diana took William off for a retest of his hearing, because he was sick last time. They say nothing is wrong with his hearing.

Poor Andrew has a fever from the shots last night, and has been crying a lot. Diana ended up taking him back to the doctor for antibiotics, he's had a bad reaction to his inoculations.

The doctor gave him antibiotics and he's doing OK. Diana left him with me, to go get William, and we had some good times together. He didn't have a bad night, he seems to be OK. Cute as ever.

Abuela has a doctor's appointment, so no afternoon off. Janet is going to come over and learn where we are, and learn the public transportation routes. She's been getting rides from Victor.

I'm enjoying reading Freakenomics (thank you aunt di!). It has a lot about parenting. Nagabodhi has suggested that I try and write a FWBO parenting book, which is quite daunting, but an interesting idea. I might take a run at it, but not sure it will come to complete fruition.

My back is feeling better. Figures it's my last day off. It's been a wonderful time with the boys. Can't say I've spent more time with Diana even though we've been in the same room. We need to get alone.

349. Janet

Andrew weighs 15 lbs, is 24 inches long, and his head is 42 cm. A wacky mixture of measuring units, right? The doctor gave him 4 shots, and he had a fitful night with fever. William's flu shot booster was not in stock, so we have to take him back. We got our flu shot though, he had 2 adult doses.

William's throwing away garbage and diapers is not so specific and he's been throwing away other things. I don't mind the crayons, we can fish them out or just buy some new ones, but I hope he doesn't throw away something valuable and we don't notice. He doesn't yet have the concept of "trash" but he does like the approval we give him when he throws away a diaper.

Diana said Janet did well. We're probably going to pay her $250 a week to work from noon till 5:30. Harry is going to kick in some money because Emma is there often. Janet is Victor's wife, and she's from Columbia. She's learning English so she can return to her profession as a dentist. She's passed the exam, she just needs to take an oral exam in English. Maybe William will be going to preschool next year.

Diana is going over again today to help them transition for next week. I'm going to take the precious time to clean, read and nap. My back has ruined my plans to take William to museums all week. I need to take my car in too, some trouble starting and maybe I need shocks. My back only feels slightly better than it did Monday. Ugh. I hate it.

348, Overwhelmed

In Georgia I raked the leaves. William got a walk every day, walked around, and got to play in the leaves. He liked all the toys his grandmother gave him. William liked it that there were people around to hold Andrew, so I could attend to him.

William throws away things for me now, in the garbage can, and gets my print out and brings it to me. But he's also throwing away anything, and we have to teach him what trash is.

Looks like William might get some speech pathology services in the home. He's not going to have to go to school.

Andrew seems to grow and grow. Gretchen asked what his name is. His name is Andres but I call him Andrew. We don't call William Guillermo, but I suppose we could.

Rich saw the pictures from Thanksgiving and asked about Braxton. He's a cut little boy, I hope he is well.

I gave Andrew a bath this morning, my first for him. Much easier to give a second first bath, though.

Diana tries to rev herself up to go back to work Monday. Diana is over meeting the (hopefully) new baby sitter helper for Abuela. Hope William gets along with her.

William ate strawberries, yogurt and chicken so far today.

347. OT

The OT evaluator came. She says he's fearless, when he jumped onto the ball. She says she's not going to recommend any OT services, he's normal to advanced in some areas. He stacked 7 blocks, he's only supposed to do 3 by now. She said he has good index finger use, his peripheral vision is great. He is willful, which is age appropriate. She says "no" doesn't mean anything until children are 21 months old (William is 19.5). Perfect grip of pen for his age. He's right handed! He has strong abdominal muscles. Good fine motor skills, organized. He relates well, with good eye contact. He fed the toy clown (he would not transfer play with the speech pathologist). He may be sensitive to noise. He dislikes the vacuums but not so much that he doesn't want to watch me shave. He could put the toys on a string and squares, triangles and circles in. He has a variety of sounds, and talks after he does something. She says, "he's telling you what he did." He doesn't like the swing, or bending his head back to get the shampoo out, but it's not significant, that would mean more if other things line up with that, but it doesn't. She thinks he's great. Maybe he could get some speech services to give him a boost, but from what she saw and her competence of OT, there was nothing wrong. Such a relief. Now we one more hearing test, and have the big formal evaluation.

346. Georgia

William can point to his mouth, nose, ears. Not yet his chin, cheek or eyes. The OT is coming tomorrow to evaluate.

We got home from Georgia last night. Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa for hosting us. Thanks to Zane for holding Andrew so much, and running around trying to make everyone happy. Thanks to Megan for her humor and driving Diana and Virginia. Thanks to Virginia for all her help. To go to my grandparents to help out her sister for 5 days is quite a lot. Thanks to Angie and Abuelo for driving us to the airport, and thanks to Abuelo, Jimmy and Angel for picking us up.

William liked Braxton. We got some good pictures of him. It was good to see David, Nancy, Jessica, Benjamin and to meet Molly.

345. Christening

My mother says I didn't really talk till I was 2. Michael's mother says they drained some water in his ears and then he started talking. William went to bed at 1 Wednesday night, and I got him to bed by 10 Thursday night.

One of our doulas had a baby. The other sends her warm regards.

My mother said when I was a teenager, I didn't like overhearing my mother talking about me. She brought that story out at the meal after the shower, in front of my friends, which was slightly embarrassing.

Emma got William back Friday, when he was under the weather some, for all his pushing and hitting.

The Christening was in Spanish, to our surprise. Supposedly they alternate language, and supposedly this week was English. So the many people who did not speak Spanish were in the dark. Cliff liked it, because he said it helped him to see other aspects of the ritual. I had a hard time with it, and I have a hard time being in the church. I still have many negative ideas about other religions even though I've finally found one myself.

Ray said, "you can't have any more kids, because you've run out of Catholic friends." Diana said, Michael, who is Josephine's husband.

The meal was good. I enjoyed having time with others.

344. Spider bites or mites

Spider bites or mites, but not Chicken Pox for William. The doctor gave him antibiotics and benadryl. He went to bed at 9 and woke up at 7.

Coming back from retreat, not seeing them for essentially 3 days, Andrew seemed huge. William's hair is laying down. It only stands up in the back.

William has had a fever, and has been cranky, but he's over. He's slept with us a little. I went to bed with him Tuesday night at 8, and got blissful sleep. Wednesday night he was more prone to crying. Seems OK today, though.

William is the process of being evaluated for speech and language. I've hesitated to write about it, we're worried. He's doing OK, but he's not speaking so much. We haven't met with the people yet. I had a bad day where I imagined disaster scenarios. But I'm going to hope for the best now.

Saturday Kathy (Glamma) and Rich are coming in, for the christening of Andrew. Ray is going to be the godfather, and Aida is the godmother.

Diana says she can now distinguish between my, William and Andrew's farts.

343. Boo!

William slept for a while. I took a shower, and when I came out, they were all awake. I took William for a walk outside. I took him to the flea market, but he was clingy and wanted to be held instead of ride in the stroller.

Diana reports William has watched the Backyardigans, and there's one about being a ghost, and saying "boo!" Diana says it to him occasionally to get him to play, but he doesn't respond. Today he went to her and went "boo!"

I was reading him one of his books, and the word "hug" came up an he hugged me.

Abuelo and Abuela came over, and he gets very afraid of Abuela because in the past she meant that I was dropping him off, saying goodbye. He pushed her.

He's eaten well today. Strawberries, tomatoes, beans, carrots, broccoli, eggs, lasagna.

342. Drawing

Friday morning I took Andrew over to his grandmother's. Diana went over around 2. He got to play with Emma, AJ and Venus. William spent some time with Steven upstairs. Steven lent him a car to play with.

They put up the child guards, finally, and fixed the AC so it's flush in the window so there's no draft.

Saturday morning I took Andrew out for a little walk to buy picture frames. Then I took William to the park. He fell asleep, and I brought him home.

William likes to draw. He sits and he gets a crayon and paper. And he draws. We're trying to limit him to the paper, not to draw on other things.

341. Elmo

William woke up again in the night, for the second night in a row, Wednesday. When I came home he was asleep. He was hot, they turned the heat on. Andrew has slept a lot. Aminta and Steven came over. Then Aida and Natasia.

Thursday he was walking fast back and forth to the bedroom. Diana decided to watch TV unhindered by William's DVDs in the room. William was very torn where to go. Watch the DVD and his father read, or go into the room with his mother on the bed, with Andrew. His nose is running like crazy and he's fussy.

We swear he said "Elmo" and something else, I forget. But he doesn't repeat. I think he's teasing us.

340. Halloween

Tuesday morning William woke up and gave him a bottle. I fell asleep on the couch, but woke up later and put him to bed. He woke up early, so it doesn't look like I can meditate, unless Diana gets up, and I'm reluctant to ask her to get up. Only if she's breast feeding. When I meditate in the morning it changes the quality of my day, but it's not a panacea. Just something that enhances life for the better. Additionally, it's a spiritual practice for me. It's the last thing I cut out, but even that gets cut out at times. But today I get to meditate, Andrew is going to be fed.

Monday night, I told William that I loved him, and he put out his cheek for me to kiss.

William was Mickey Mouse, and Emma was Minnie Mouse. AJ was Human Torch. Steven was the Wizzard. Venus was a genie and Natasia was Pocahontus. Andrew was a pea in a pod. We went trick or treating for 45 minutes and had a good time.

339. Thirty Pounds!

William was happy to see me when I came home Tuesday. Diana way playing Mulan, but he wasn't into it and eventually put in a Teletubies DVD which he has been watching a lot all day.

Cliff called. He's on vacation and wants to read more blog. I tried to update him. Andrew cheesed on me, and I had to go after a while, but we got to talk a little.

Wednesday night I took William to Barnes and Noble to get some more books. He fell asleep, and did not wake up after quite a while at the book store. So I got the books I picked out and took him home. He woke up 2 blocks from home. It's like he never went there. But he's got some cool new books.

Diana took William to the doctor Thursday. William weighs 30 lbs, and is 33 inches long (which is in the 75th percentile). Since he doesn't have 10 words nor can he name body parts, the doctor referred him to a speech pathologist, just to rule out problems. Cliff says it's not a real red flag, when children begin to speak, there is variation.

At first I felt very upset. But it's just ruling out, and Cliff said many children speak later, with no ill effects. A woman in the pediatrician's office said that her son who took longer to talk seemed smarter. The doctor denied a bilingual delay effect, but I've seen studies that show that. I'm sure everything will be OK, and being assessed will not be problematic, he might enjoy it.

338. Father and sons.

I had a nightmare where William fell, and hurt himself. I've heard the sickening thud twice, when he's hit the wood floor from a distance. My dream was an anxiety dream about it, but it's also suppressed negative thoughts, I think to be overly anxious. I have negative thoughts that are unacceptable, but they rattle around in my subterranean mind, and what is spit out is acceptable, worry about William, but it's worry about my negative thoughts that are unacceptable. Diana even agree to that interpretation. It's not experience near, which I prefer, but it sounds true.

Driving back to NYC last night, William was awake in the car. Gone are the days when he automatically falls asleep in the car.

I don't know how Diana does it. I fall asleep, but she keeps on going.

The older kids at Ava's party were nice to William, playing with him.

Andrew's doctor appointment, yielded the fact that he's 11 lbs, 4 oz. He's gained more than 2 pounds since the last doctor appointment. He's 22 inches long. The doctor says the constipation is not a problem. Only when it goes for 3 days, and he's only gone a day. The doctor says he has a gassy stomach, but that that's OK. It's probably from the thrush that Andrew has on his tongue, and Diana probably has on her nipples. She got medication for both.

Diana went out for 2 hours, to get the medication and drop off paperwork at her friend's house. I can't believe you have to do all this annoying paperwork to be pregnant and get 12 weeks off from work. It's stupid. It went smoothly, but I over-fed Andrew, in my efforts to quiet him, which I was trying to juggle him and William, and he threw up. That was the tipping point for me feeling overwhelmed. Of course the second Diana got home, he fell asleep. William get so sad sometimes when he's not got the ability to play with the adult, the adult is only in the background, supervising, but more connected to Andrew. He gave me the look he gives Diana.

337. Ava

Wewent to Ava Olivia's first birthday party Saturday. Andrew was he youngest there. Today he is a month old. The party had older kids. William got a little tussled in the rough housing. We came to Virginia's to sleep. William slept with Virginia last night. I've been running up and downstairs all day.

336. Christian is born

Jacky had her son, Christian. Thursday/Friday night was a rough night. It's the end of the week, and we're tired, and the boys decided to wake up a lot in the night. William woke up at 6:45 am.

Aida and Natasia watched William and Andrew so Diana and I could go out for dinner. We went to a new Japanese and Thai place, that was good, though Diana likes Narita in Forest Hills better. The web site for the Kyoto is:

http://www.kyotosushinyc.com/

Instantly our favorite restaurant to walk to. I want to go out

On Thursday Andrew did a poop squirt at Diana. The mailman delivered a package of DVDs I ordered, and Diana had quite a trial with Andrew, William and Emma, to get the package.

Friday morning Nora Jones was on Sesame Street 4098. She sang a song called, "Don't know why, Y didn't come." The new DVDs I got were not as good as the other ones. I was hoping Big Bird Goes to China, and Big Bird Goes to Japan would be more interesting. They are kind of weird. The new numbers one is good. Diana doesn't like Alphabet Jungle. Diana shops at Target and I shop at Amazon. He has a stack of DVDs. I guess it's also for Andrew when he grows older. Our little Grunty.

Friday morning when I left, a maintenance worker informed us we can't store our strollers in the well below the stairs. That evoked anger in me. Diana wants to follow the rule, but she hasn't done anything. I don't want to follow the rule and want to petition the board. Maybe run to be on the board.

Thursday night I completely space therapy. I'm so tired. William took to throwing blocks at Andrew. He's displaying lots of anger and aggression towards Andrew. We have to watch him carefully. When my mother told me she tried to kill Celeste, when she was little, I thought that was an aberration. Now I think it's normal.

335. Diana's Grace

I left before William woke up on Monday. He was happy to see me when I came home from work. I took him to the park. No kids were there, rather only adolescents were there. We found a ball though, which William liked.

Tuesday Diana and Abuela gave Andrew a bath. He's got the crazy hair to prove it. I spent a lot of time with Andrew that night, I felt more bonded to him after that. Diana went out food shopping and I fed him a bottle and he did not throw up. I spent a lot of time with him in my arms. He's a sweety.

Wednesday William threw a tantrum because Diana would not let him drink the hot dog juice.

Natasia spent the day with Emma and William because she twisted her ankle. Then Angie went to the emergency room with a rash, so she dropped off AJ and Venus. Diana handled it well, I was not so graceful.

334. Rugby

Very tired Friday night. I was going to commit to staying up with William to 3, but Diana let me go to bed. William is a little tired of home, but it continues to rain.

I think the week off has helped for the responsibilities and what I've gotten myself into, to really sink in. It's quite a big project to have two little children. It gives me a greater appreciation for Diana and all her hard work.

Andrew took two doses of baby formula Friday night and did not puke. This is very good news. Same with Saturday night. But he's not gone to the bathroom. Number two.

Saturday William, aunt Di and I, went to poughkeepsie to see Will play rugby. It was a beautiful drive up, the leaves are just beginning to turn. Vassar seems like a lovely college. William got to go into his first dorm room. Will seemed very good at rugby, I don't doubt he will be moved up to the A team soon. It's an interesting game. I've seen a lot of rugby when I lived in England, but never fully understood the game. Will got a tries? A try? A goal? What ever, he took the ball past the goal and put it down (which completes the scoring). One person, I overheard say, "I love Will!" because he's quite tenacious, active. Di overheard someone say, "I call Will bat shit, because he's plays like a bat out of hell." The other person said, "I hope his mother doesn't hear that, they'll make him leave Vassar." Di piped up and said, "I'm his mother, and I'm not too bothered by it, Will is tough." He later came over and apologized, "I meant no disrespect." The Vassar web site wrote, "Will Thanhauser ran well in support for his score and he was also in the build-up to John Scotts try."

William played on the bleachers and in a puddle. He charmed one of the women, who picked him up. She said, "he's wet." I said, "don't worry, that's puddle water, not urine."

William got to pet dogs, handle the rugby ball, be in the great outdoors. He generally charmed the woman and worried his dad.

He slept on the way up and the way down. Will came back with us, and we dropped him off in the city. Will is a good guy and I like him very much. He's on fall break now, he has a week off from classes, though he has a paper due when he gets back. Sounds like he's got interesting classes, and has adjusted well to college life.

333. Milestones

Willliam is officially one and a half years old today. Andrew is three weeks old today (a fortnight and a half).

William has begun to use his voice, yelling. He's woken up Andrew. It's been the rainiest October in NYC history. It's rained for 8 days.

The two doulas came over. They have a web site:
http://coasttocoastdoulas.bravehost.com/
I'll put the doula's birth story on if she sends it to me. Anyway, I recommend the doulas and you can get their numbers if you need a doula.

I took William to the store. He pulled the rain cover off, and I held the umbrella, but it was difficult. It always seems like such a struggle to get home and put all the food away.

332. Groundhog day

Emma came over William fell asleep Wednesday night. Emma plays by herself pretty well. She's into the baby. She keeps saying "baby". Angie picked up Emma eventually. She had to change her shift because Harry went off for a week of training. I fell asleep when it got late. Diana ended up staying up till 3.

Thursday I took William out into the rain. It's not as fun if you've got the rain thing over the stroller, it cuts down the visibility. William fought me every time I put him back into the stroller. I got Indian food for me, and pizza for Diana.

Diana's mom brought Emma back. Groundhog day here with the rain and the children.

Bill's Suzanne is 4cm dilated and 70% effaced, getting close to pop.

I ordered some more DVDs.

331. Breastfeeding

Andrew threw up Tuesday, even with the new milk we got him from the pediatrician. It's got to be over feeding, but he's not been given that much.

William has been wild at times in the house. Emma came over Tuesday, and she fell asleep. He woke her up with his noises. Those two fight over things, but I know William likes her around.

When ever I get to the end of my rope, Diana's right there telling me, "imagine what it's like if you're alone," or, "you're overwhelmed?!" as if to say, "don't even think it." I wonder sometimes if my presence here is even helpful, there's so much need.

I watched Robots. William isn't into a feature length films.

From 8am to 11pm, with one small nap, and William was up, and I was at the end of my rope. I fell asleep, Diana stayed up with them. William didn't stay up much longer, but Diana reports little grunty did stay up. William woke up a paragraph into my morning reading. I doggedly kept reading after I brought him into bed, with the unfortunate consequence that Diana woke up.

It's raining like the dickens here. I went out and got Diana some more breast milk helping tea. I went to get a bagel, but forgot it was Yom Kippur, and the bagel store was packed. William has been fussy, perhaps he's teething, or sleep deprived.

Been reading up on putting the baby on a schedule. There seems to be information on both sides. I don't think it's cruel to put Andrew on a schedule, and it will help me to interact more with him. But we're also not very strict disciplinarians, so we're not going to go to that extreme. Diana feels like feeding him when he's hungry and can't stand it when he's crying.

The doctor says to give him more time, on the new formula. It will take a while for the other formulas to get out of his system. Diana needs a break, I hope that works.

330. Indigenous Peoples Day

Saturday morning, I played with William a little bit before I went off to meet with my friends in Bay Ridge. I spent a lot of time there, and did not see William until the late afternoon. Then we went to Jacky's baby shower, which turned out to be an adult party with children and presents for the son in her very large belly. William got to play with some kids, but he also got his hand caught in a door, which greatly upset us. I told Zsolt having two little children is easy. Jacky has scheduled her c-section, she doesn't want to try for a V-Bac. Jacky is going to have a son and they're naming him Christian.

I'm not sure where the next child is coming from after that. Maybe Harry will make sergeant and Angie will want another one. My Buddhist friends suggest I get fixed, and Virginia said, "strap one on," indicating she thought we should wait. I go back and forth, and unfortunately give Diana mixed messages at time. I guess I'm torn between 2 and 3 really. A woman at work has 10, and another there has 9. The woman who has 10 is always talking about limits. Here's a limit for you, don't have twelve. I don't say that to her though, it's just a joke. She's really good at figuring out the heart of a problem, asses what she can do, and does it quickly. It's really quite amazing to watch. My grandma says my cousin Benjamin is shopping for a ring, so maybe he's going to get married soon, maybe he will have children. Or Morris could have another one. My friend Bill and his wife Suzanne are due any minute. I want to call him, Paul gave me their new number.

It took us a long time to get home in the rain that night, and William was asleep when we got home. He woke up a lot in the night, and Virginia gave him to me, while I was meditating. She's so generous. She was apologetic for interrupting my meditation, but it was as long as I've been able to meditate recently.

Sunday I went into the city and met Bart at the Ruben Museum of Himalayan Art. Bart says Charles knows Mr. Ruben. He was impressed with the artwork and Buddhism. Faye's daughter is taking a Buddhism class, and she's really grooving to read the stuff, that her mother practices. I wonder if Bart will every have the time to study some Buddhism. Anyway, it was free, they were having some promotion in NYC, "open house NYC" or something like that so it was free. I ran into Vajramti and Barbara. William took a shine to Barbara after a while, she was very sweet with him. Her son has just gone off to Syracuse, near by where Bart goes to school at Cornell.

Bart suggested a Cuban place, and we had some lunch. I got to see where Charles lives, and the boys, and I met Bart's girlfriend, Leah. She seems sweet and intelligent. William was shocked by a loud bark from Etta, and cried, but otherwise he was OK there. He hugged Leah, which was sweet. William is a real flirt and a lady's man.

William slept on the way into Manhattan and on the way back. He napped a little when we got to Gigi's, and woke up clapping, which I thought was cut and funny. By the time Diana et al came home, I was pretty tired, but I lugged the stuff Virginia is graciously letting us store up to our room, and into the basement. My back is killing me today, and every time I pick up William it pains me.

William like to walk on the pool table. Gigi really has a sweet house, inviting to youngesters. My bicepts are sore, and my back is out. But I've gotten some good sleep while here (crazy dreams too, I should have written them down). Natasia is playing with him now, giving me time to write. Last night Diana said, "you got exhausted with only one?!" I guess she takes 2 sometimes, and is very exhausted. I hope to let her get some sleep time today.

I've been so chatty since Andrew was born. I talked to, or called so many people over the weekend. I love unlimited calling on weekends.

329. Umbilical by a thread

Virginia is the last to have her naming ceremony thread come off.

I came home Wednesday evening and Emma, AJ and Venus were here. The house was in disarray, William was a little wild. Diana think I wish they were not here, but I'm just stressed out, everything overwhelms me at the time. I wish it were not so.  It's a readjustment for us all. I vacuumed. I must have been craving order. I see now why parents are so uptight about keeping things clean.

Diana report William threw up this morning. He's been drinking juice all day, but he's just switched to milk. Andrew is gassy too, he lets these loud ones rip.

Andrew is a fortnight old tomorrow at 5:54pm. (William was born at 2:46pm.) I got home Thursday, and thought Andrew looked more like William when he was a baby. Diana took him to the doctor because he throws up the formula, and he gave her some samples of a soy one. My son is going to be a vegan, I'm so proud. Well, maybe just lactose intolerant. Diana enjoyed being out and about with him in the snuggly.

I see the finish line up ahead. Friday at 5 begins my week off from work. I am looking forward to it. I'm so tired. I don't expect to get rest, but at least I'll be around my wonderful sons and wife. We're heading off to NJ now. Virginia has just one meeting in New Jersey tomorrow, so she's going to be able to spend much of the day with Diana. We haven't been out there since Andrew was born, and some weeks before that.

William said, "ball" and "dada" and "baby" yesterday. He spent the day with his cousins at his abuela's.

Diana just told me Andrew's umbilical remains are hanging by a thread.

328. Frazzled father

Our nickname for Andrew is Grunty. He doesn't cry, but he grunts a lot. Diana said once that he's a noisy baby. Not so much when he sleeps on you. Andrew wakes up three times in the night. He generally pukes up the formula, so there's not much incentive for me to get up and feed him.

I think William is getting some more teeth. I think I saw a tooth under the skin when he was howling yesterday. He feel down and scraped his knee on the way to the park yesterday. He wants to be held more, and he's crawling more at the park. Last night the park was as crowded as I've seen it. He likes to walk back and forth across the bridge, which is pretty firm and does not give much. A little fellow was made to share his ball by his mother. There was this impossibly thin woman that disturbed me. I could not imagine she didn't have anorexia, but then again, she could just be really thin. Perhaps she was just the baby sitter of the little fellow she had going down the slide. The cacophony of languages is wonderful.

My aunt Celeste sent a piggy bank for Andrew, which is very sweet. When I came home on Tuesday, he didn't hear me, and was wrapped in the TV. I felt a loss, something was taking his attention from me. Then he saw me, and got very excited. I live for those looks when I come home. Then he didn't seem so concerned about going to the park, and he went to bed early. But he woke up, and my dreams of a relatively free night were dashed. I love these guys so much, but my exhaustion is palpable, a 5th member of the family. And yet last night, I read a little, and I've woken up early today.

I am very much looking forward to getting off next week, to spend time with the boys and my strong devoted wife. I want to get up in the night. I would be useless at work, I know that, if I get up too much at night. I'm giving my wife and my job everything I have, and what's left over, I'm giving to the buddha, the dharma and the sangha.

I was telling my boss last night, I can't take it up a notch to spoil William through this time. There's no higher gear to shift into. I was giving him everything, and now it's been divided. Diana more so. You hear these horrible stories, a 4 year old was found on the street the other day. Turns out the boyfriend of the mother, put her there, to save her life, because he killed the mother. How horrible. Everyone at work comments on my anger, they see me as an angry man. I think a lot of it is crankiness, not enough sleep, and still giving it my all. There's bound to be cracks in the facade under those circumstances. And my insurance company is cutting off therapy, they say I don't need it now. I wonder if I'm regressing to try and keep my therapist. I'm not consciously doing it. My good friend Alyssa is teaching anger management. She says she feeds off the group's energy, she is really enjoying it. Anger and anxiety are energy giving emotions, I think that is part of it, I need energy. Although not from food, I seem to be gaining a little weight. Maybe I'll take William for a run tonight. Maybe I need to go back on my SSRI, which I've been off for about a month. Maybe a week off will help.

327. Busy Weekend

Andrew was awake when I got home at 2am. I left the party at 12:30, which was much later than I wanted to say, but there was such good conversation. So I ended up giving Amaradeva a ride to where he's staying, and then there was a traffic jam on the 59th street bridge. Andrew makes a lot of noise, and Diana was sleeping, so I fed him. William woke up later and so did Andrew, so it was a difficult night.

Diana let me sleep late. I took William and Natasia to the park. Harry came over and got Natasia. I took William back to the park later when he got up from his long nap. He went to the door. That's his signal to go out, but he doesn't like to get dressed, so it's a bit traumatic. When we got back, he wanted to go out again, so I went to get a Curry. William was fussy, and it was difficult waiting for the food.

When we got home Abuela and Abuelo were there. I took my chance, and went to bed.

When I got home Sunday from my meditation day and Seth mitra ceremony, and held Andrew, it seemed like he'd grown a lot.

William went to the fridge and got some leftover chinese noodles last night. He likes to play in the refrigerator, but getting food is something else.

We had many visitors yesterday: Alba, Veronica, Aida, Natasia, Venus, Emma, AJ, Harry, Josephine Michael, Evan, Ava, Virginia. William had lots of fun. I took a zillion pictures.

226. A new cry

William said, "duck" after he heard it on the TV yesterday. We hugged him and jumped around. I'm trying specially hard to give him attention and support through this difficult transition. So is Diana, but he's more angry with her. He's shown his anger, and regressed, and my heart goes out to him. He slept from 1-7 two nights ago, and was cranky, but slept during the day. I collapsed last night, I can't say when they went to bed. Diana hopes to sleep early tonight, with Virginia coming over.

On Tuesday when Andrew came home, I was holding him. I beckoned for William to come over. He walked backwards towards me, he could not look at me when I was holding the baby. He has a new anguished cry. He used to just have three cries. A light pain, a high pain, and a pleading pain. Now he has an anguished pain one, that breaks my heart.

Last night when we came home from Andrew's appointment, William wanted to go upstairs with Aminta and Steve. He would not go to his mother, but he went to me. I can only imagine how bad Diana feels, but she's doing her best considering the different demands.

325. A's Dr. Visit

Dr. Reischer says that Andrew has no evidence of Erb's Palsy, which is the name the call permanent nerve damage from shoulder dystocia. He's not ever going to refer us to a physical therapist, he sees it as unnecessary. We might ask to go to a pediatric neurologist just to make sure. His reflexes were normal.

Andrew weighs 9 lbs. 3 oz. He's gained 2 ounces in what has been 6 days outside the womb. He's still the same height.

We saw in the paperwork that his billyrubens peaked at 13.7 on the 3rd day. Dr. Reischer said he's seen them in the 20's with out any problems, and he thinks the dangers are over exaggerated.

He gave him his hepatitis B inoculation.

I also gave him Diana's family of thyroid problems: Diana's mother, sister and aunt have all had surgery to varying degrees. He said that tends to bother men less somehow.

I've noticed his cone head is going away, his skull is reforming after it's trip through the narrow birth canal.

I haven't mentioned it, but he has the werewolf ears that William had when he was born. Harry ears. It goes away, but is hardly noticeable.

So everything is fine, we return in 2 weeks.

We had a nice conversation with a woman who is about 6 months behind us in the project to have 2 babies close together, in the waiting room. She seemed so curious about our experience.

324. Home

Andres/Andrew came home today! Harry helped to get him home. I came home for lunch. Work sent us a wonderful flower and plant, plus a teddy bear. I went home for lunch, but it turns out they had planned to celebrate my fatherhood and got a cake.

I was holding Andrew, and asked William to come over to me. He walked backwards, he could not handle my holding Andrew. He's more fussy, quick to cry and demand attention.

I took him to the park after I got home. He can't really join in with others, but he did interact with Pedro a little bit. The park is always different. Today it seemed more Hispanic, not as Indian/Bangladeshi/Pakistan or Jewish as it sometimes can be. Sometimes it's more diverse. Sometimes it's dominated by one group. Or also age groups. There were middle schooler types today. One little girl said, "I hate Russian."

Aminta and Steven were visiting when I got home. Aminta held Andrew. Aminta wants Steven to play with William.

323. Billyrubens down

There's an article in the Times on doulas. There's going to be a documentary on PBS this month. The link for the Times article is:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/25/national/25doula.html?incamp=article_popular

William has gotten into his Elmo DVD. And his Teletubbies DVD. And his Sesame Street video. I ordered a bunch more Sesame Street DVDs, since he's into it.

His dystocia seems to be going away. Not completely yet, but there's been improvements and there's no reason to think he won't continue to progress

Diana called me at work, the first day back at work, to inform me that his billyrubens were still to high and they wanted to put him under the light for one more day. Diana called last night and his billyrubens are down. We're supposed to call today at 8. Most likely, though I don't want to get my hopes up too hight to be crushed, he will come home today.

William is as cute as ever. Cliff wants to teach him mammography because it's very hard to learn for a radiologist because the level of pattern recognition is very complex, and you either call for a biopsy, and there's nothing, which is a scary painful hassle, or you miss it, and it comes back to you that you missed it. He thinks if we start William now on mammography, he has a good chance of being good at it.

Hopefully Andrew comes home today while I'm at work. Diana's brother Harry will drive Diana to the hospital. We found the little book about being a big brother for William, so we can read that to him. I've gotten some good nights sleep, which has been the only positive thing I can think about Andrew staying in the hospital so long, except tonight. William woke up just before dawn, and somehow I woke up. Thought I'd do something useful and blog it.

322. Setback

I went over to Abuela's to get Diana and take her and William to the hospital. We went there and he had not urinated, which he needs to do to leave the hospital, and it took a while for the physical therapy people to come. Diana breast fed, and then she fed him the bottle hoping he would urinate, so we could take him home. He puked all over the place. We're back to burping and trying to be in tune with the baby so we don't over feed him.

I took William outside for some lunch, and then Diana took him for some lunch. That was a little preview of the juggling act we're going to have to have.

Andrew's billyrubens were too high (12), he's getting jaundice. So we decided to be safe and keep him in the hospital. If untreated and it goes up, he could have hearing problems and learning disabilities. If they go up, then he'll need the light for 12 hours, that breaks them down, and they will test him more, monitor him more closely. Otherwise it will go down or stay the same, in which case, being older by a day, his liver will be able to handle it. We were very disappointed. I got a chance to meditate, so I had more resources to handle this setback. And it's not serious, it's just a matter of taking time.

The physcial therapist gave us some exercise for Andy's dystocia in his left shoulder. The following link is a informative site about dystocia. Seems it's rare, and most of the time the nerves regenerate.

http://shoulderdystociainfo.com/

No photos today, but I took the video camera.

We watched Land Before Time, and then William wanted a Sesame Street DVD. I'm going to choose the Spanish language option in the future for DVDs. I think he's going to learn English, that will be the dominant language. But I want him to be exposed to Spanish as much as possible to give him a chance to be bilingual. We got an extra DVD for Emma.

321. Uterus Contractions

Diana had a hard time leaving Andres last night. She went to visit him at the nursery, where the hospital insists he remain.

William fell asleep at his Abuela's, so Diana left him there. We had a good night sleep, and Abuela called up saying William was crying for his mother, so she rushed over, after a leisurely wake up. I'm going to be up against it starting tonight. I look forward to the challenge.

Diana says Andy passed his hearing test. Diana is doing well, but she's getting uterus contractions, as her uterus tries to shrink back to it's regular size.

I thank Virginia, Abuela, Aida and Abuelo for all the support they have given. I can't imagine getting through these past days without them. Extremely generous.

I thank everyone for their well wishes.

I called up the nursery at 9:30, and the circumcision had not been performed, nor had the physical therapist doctor come. Surely tonight he will come home, and we'll have the whole family together in our home tonight.

320. Andres not Andrew

Andrew turns out to be named Andres. I saw the birth certificate and she wrote "Andres Wyatt Bell". Turns out she wanted Andres all along. I couldn't convince her the other way.

I'm going to call him Andrew. Andrew has a shoulder dystocia. As he was coming out of Diana, his left shoulder got caught on Diana's pelvis. There might be nerve damage. Because North Shore at Forest Hills Hospital doesn't have a pediatrics clinic, we can't check out and come back tomorrow. Once you're discharged, you can't come back. Thanks so much. Paperwork rules mean we can't have Andrew home today.

And the gynecologist who was going to do the circumcision heard this, and postponed her work, so we couldn't take him out and bring him home, and go somewhere else later. She never asked us what we wanted, like her brief work in the labor room, when she came in to break her water, without even discussing it. She was offended when, counter to the patient's bill of rights, we asked her to explain what she wanted to do and why. I think she's the main directly unpleasing person. The others are insurance and administrators who make rules.

Anyway, I'm looking into the dystocia to learn more about it. I think it's all right, but he might not be a referee in the NFL because he can't get his left hand up all the way, right now. They say it will probably go away. I was lifting it up and rotating it today.

The first doula called Diana to tell her that her story is the talk of the doulas. To be such a trooper, to stick it out and have a V-Bac.

Diana checked out reluctantly, and I stayed with Andrew and watched the Jets game. He guzzled down some formula, and then puked. I gave him less, and burped him successfully later, and he kept it down. I took some photos. I've taken almost 200 photos over the past few days, I think I need to cool my jets.

Virginia, Aida, Natasia and her father are fixing up the place, getting it ready for Andrew. William probably thinks Andrew was nothing but a bad dream. I wonder how he's going to take it tomorrow when Andrew comes home. He's had a few tastes, and has done quite well.

319. Abusive Hospitals

The anger I feel is large. The physical therapist does not work on Sunday, so they want Andrew to stay in the hospital another day. Because of this, without consulting us, Andrew's circumcision is delayed another day as well. Diana can come home today, but she doesn't want to. She wants to spend the time with Andrew. Her breasts have begun to produce milk.

They tell us. They don't give us options. They don't say, "If you take your child, then it will be complicated to get an appointment and follow through, we would just like you to stay another day. And if you take your child home, it makes it more difficult for us to see the baby when it's convenient for us. Plus it might be harder to bill for us." I am considering just taking him out of the hospital.

I find hospitals abuse the trust that we give them. From the nurses who kept opening Diana's labor room door when she wished otherwise, to the doctors who did not wish to discuss the procedures. One doctor said to me, "You want to have the baby in a hospital? This is what we do." Which is counter to the patients rights posted on a wall, where doctors must give complete disclosure. Also, an aspect of the patient's bill of rights is not to fear reprisals for being assertive. Ah, but I do. When Diana refused to take antibiotics before her water was broken, they woke her up to get her to sign a sheet. And then they stayed away from her. Later when we wanted the antibiotics, they were nowhere to be found. Once the sheet was signed, they washed their hands, as if that was it.

And in the end it's all about inconvenience. It's Sunday. Of course we can't take our baby home. I feel so angry.

318. Siblings

We survived the ordeal of birth, a long run up to labor. Diana did wonderfully. Andrew is amazing. I went to take William to see them, finally. William had not seen Diana for several days. He has slept over at his Abuela's, but after he fell asleep, and she went to him in the morning. I've been out of town for the weekend, but he's not been away from Diana so long in his 17 months. Today he is 17 months and 10 days.

When I put him on Diana's lap, he held his head, like it was going to burst. He was troubled, upset at her, angry. He wanted me to hold him. But he finally went to her, seemed to make up. He touched Andrew fairly gently, seemed interested. But again, he was highly upset when Andrew was breast feeding. Actually, Diana's milk does not come for 2 days, but it's stimulating to have the baby suck. William went into the corner and would not allow me to console him. It occurs to me now maybe I should have tried harder. The later, he tried to take Diana's breast out of Andrew's mouth.

Abuelo, Abuela, Virginia, Cliff, Vava, Harry, AJ, Emma, Jimmy, Paquita, Zsolt, Jacky, Nicole, Jessica, Ebo, Joseph came to Visit Diana. It really touched Diana to have so many visitors. William would not come to me when I had Andrew for a while, but we're slowly working him up to it. It makes me think of a book by Winnicott called The Piggle. The girl calls her little sister "sush baby". He's going to have to be gentle and tolerant of the baby. I want to encourage the feelings, they seem only natural. But I also want him to have a large spirit, for them to be allies and friends. He seems to show signs of that, I'm going to encourage that.

A mother of 10 told me that William will regress. I thought, how far back can he go. Well, today when I took him home, he was very clingy, insisting on being held. I woke him up by taking him out of the hospital room, we had to take the group into the family lobby, so as not to disturb the woman that shares Diana's room. He kept sitting in my lap like a baby for a long time.

Diana is glowing. I'm really glad she waited and did not ask for a c-section. And the time we spent before is saved after. She had been in a very good mood. She seems to be so happy.

Andrew is so sweet. He is opening his eyes more, looking around. They say he looks like William, and of course he looks more like him than anyone else, but I think he looks different. Virginia asked, "how?" I can not quantify it, define it, describe it. He's just a different person. They say he has blond highlights, he will be blond like William. I see William as having brown hair with some red highlights in certain light. Zane says there's a trace of red on his side of the family sometimes. He's so sweet. I can't wait till he comes. Better get some sleep so I can function tomorrow. It's a big day. I already communicated more effectively to the nurse, I'm hoping the doctor will do the circumcision early and Andrew will urinate so we can go home close to the 11 a.m. discharge time.

317. Phone number

diana is in the hospital till tomorrow. her phone at the hosp is 718 830 2020

316. Andrew is born!

Andrew Wyatt Bell was born at 5:54pm on September 23. He weighs 9 pounds 1 ounce. He was born by V-Bac, no forceps, no suction, no tears. He looks like William except going through the birth canal, his head is cone shaped for the moment. Because he got a little stuck, his left arm is a little weak, the doctors say that will go away, temporary nerve damage. We're proud happy new parents. I'm too exhausted to write more, I'll try later, if the high waters of fatherhood do not swamp me. Diana is fine, elated.

315. Waiting...

I came home to get some warmer clothes, the hospital is very cold. They put her on drips that get her going. The doula we originally had, had another woman go into labor, so we got her backup, Maria. They're already giving her trouble about going to the bathroom, they said she can't get out of bed any more, it's inconvenient. If Diana did not feel comfortable with a hospital birth, I would say lets get a home birth midwife. I feel very angry at how the medical establishment makes rules and says things like, "you can't go to the bathroom any more," or, "only so many people in the room." I've seen Diana sign so many things, answer the same questions over and over again. She's happy through it all, so I'm trying not to suck her down with my negative energy. She think I'm paranoid when I say that I think a nurse unplugged the phone so we wouldn't use it. Anyway, there's chemicals dripping into her to ripen her. Diana's mother and Joselo went in to see her when I left. I left when Virginia got there. It's cold cold cold, and I need warmer clothing to stand the experience. I'm so tired, I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the night and morning. I know it's not all about me, but it's a trial for me, with my wimpy ways. I suppose I need to suck it up and be strong for Diana, so I can support her as best I can. Nothing to report yet. Will update as soon as possible, but I'm off back to the hospital.

314. Heading to the hospital soon

Here is the web site for the hospital we are going to:

http://www.northshorelij.com/body.cfm?id=61

We're supposed to be there in almost 2 hours for the induction. I'm guessing he's not coming till the morning, he will be born on the first day of autumn. William will be an only child for a little while longer. I worry so much about his adjustment, but I know he will be OK and adjust, he's young and he's strong. I had insomnia last night.

William is as cute as ever. He seems to be saying "baby," as if a premonition of what must be beyond his imagination: a baby brother. I know he will resent the bonding between Diana and Andrew. I'm not sure what his regression will look like, perhaps more clingy. I'm committed to doing my level best to try and smooth the transition and adjustment.

Diana was a good girl and walked a lot yesterday and today, to help the baby come down, to ripen, so to speak. William has slept over at his grandparents before, but they will be with him. I thank them.

I'm grateful for all the well wishing.

313. Pina para nino

William slept through the night for the 5th time. Virginia christened our couch for people sleeping over. She likes this one better, the space between the cushions does not hurt her back like the old couch did. Diana say it's not wide enough for her to sleep on. I haven't fallen asleep on it either.

I gave him a bottle, then he woke up Virginia and she let me meditate. After meditating, I took William to get breakfast at the bagel place. He was shouting for a while in exuberance. I thought of Whitman's barbaric yawp. He wore my Mets hat for a little while. He likes to be in my arms when we get there, so I have to take him out of the stroller. I bought some cut up fruit, and he at some pineapple. I said to myself, "pina para nina," like the waiters did one to our rafting guide when her ordered pineapple juice, when we were in Ecuador, to mess with him.

In my absences some wholesale reorganizing was done, getting stuff out of William's room. Virginia is helping us to store and keep stuff that doesn't fit into our apartment. If she moves that's going to be scary. They have gone off to baby 'r us and target to do some shopping. I got in another meditation, organized, cleaned and read. And sat at the computer.

312. Virginia

William has slept through the night the past 4 nights, which we greatly appreciate. I skipped my mitra meeting to let Diana get some sleep. I took William to the park. Steven was there with his father and grandfather, but his soccer game did not happen, perhaps because it was threatening rain. It did rain later in the evening. Virginia came over with some breakfast. First AJ was there, then Emma after Virginia went and got her. She also drove Venus to her father's.

William hugged Emma and we all cooed. They fight over toys and seats and attention. Emma looks at her father the way Angie does sometimes. She gives me the look sometimes too.

Diana and Virginia took them to the park, Diana thought there was some children thing. But it turns out there wasn't, but they had fun at the park anyway. I watched part of movie and then slept. They came back hot and tired. One time Emma and William were holding hands, and everyone cooed. Emma says some words, which is exciting. Harry had joined them at the park, and also Aida and Natasia, and then joined us back at the house. He worked all night, ran a 5K, and then hung out with everyone today. Angie came over, when she got off work. She had some nice pictures of AJ's first day of school. Harry and Angie read the birth plan. Angie said, "good luck getting them to read this," or something to that effect.

Harry and Angie took their brood home (Venus is with her father). The word is that Harry is going to ask Angie to marry him when they are on vacation in Jamaica in October. Diana has relaxed about Angie, and has reconciled that Harry has left Aida and won't be coming back. Since we baby sit them all so much, we're getting closer. I wish everyone well.

Virginia went out and got us dinner (bless her). Judy and Brian (age 8) came over. Brian, who is smart, is having trouble with his school because he has a diaper, and the school doesn't want to bother with the problem. Also they pull him out of class for some of his services, he was born with spina bifida. They're filling out a form so he can get those services at home. The board of education has to be pushed to act in the best interest of children. I'm glad Judy uses Diana and Aida as a resource on how to negotiate the system. Brain said, "William is not as aggressive as Nicole," his cousin who is 3 months younger. He is very sweet with William. Virginia drove Judy home. She's been running around Queens all day, uniting and separating the family all day. She's driving Judy over to Alba's, she's going to visit them.

311. Birth Plan for Andrew

Our wishes for Childbirth
Diana Katherine Parks & Steve Bell
Due Date: September 29th
Patient of Dr. Claudia Ravins
Scheduled to deliver at North Shore at Forest Hills.
9/17/05

Birth Plan

This will be our second child, our second son. This birth plan is intended to express the preferances and desires for us for the birth. We fully realize that situations might arise such that our plan could not and should not be followed. However we hope all staff to discuss all proceedures with us, with the mother and partners before they are performed.

Sincerely,
Diana Parks & Steve Bell

Labor
I would prefer to avoid an enema and/or shaving of pubic hair.
I would like to be free to walk around during labor.
I wish to be able to move around and change position at will throughout labor.
I would like to be able to have fluids by mouth throughout the first stage of labor.
I will be bringing my own music to play during labor.
I would prefer to keep the number of vaginal exams to a minimum.
I do not want an IV unless I become dehydrated.

Monitoring
I do not wish to have continuous fetal monitoring unless it is required by the condition of Andrew.
I do not want an internal monitor unless Andrew has shown some sign of distress.

Labor Augmentation/Induction
I do not wish to have the amniotic membrane ruptured artificially unless signs of fetal distress require internal monitoring.

Anesthesia/Pain Medication
I realize that many pain medications exist — I'll ask for them if I need them.

Cesarean
Unless absolutely necessary, I would like to avoid a Cesarean.
If a Cesarean delivery is indicated, I would like to be fully informed and to participate in the decision-making process.
I would like my husband and sister present at all times if Andrew requires a Cesarean delivery.
I wish to have an epidural for anesthesia
So I can view the birth, I would like the screen lowered just before delivery of Andrew.
If Andrew is not in distress, Andrew should be given to my husband immediately after birth.

Episiotomy
I would prefer not to have an episiotomy unless absolutely required for the baby's safety.
I would appreciate guidance in when to push and when to stop pushing so the perineum can stretch.
I would prefer an episiotomy rather than a tear.
I would like a local anesthetic to repair a tear or an episiotomy.

Delivery
I would like to be allowed to choose the position in which I give birth, including squatting.
I would like My husband and sister and/or nurses to support me and my legs as necessary during the pushing stage.
I would like a mirror available so I can see Andrew's head when it crowns.
I would like the chance to touch Andrew's head when it crowns.
Even if I am fully dilated, and assuming Andrew is not in distress, I would like to try to wait until I feel the urge to push before beginning the pushing phase.
I would like to have Andrew placed on my stomach/chest immediately after delivery.

Immediately After Delivery
I would like to have My husband or sister cut the cord.
I would like to hold Andrew while I deliver the placenta and any tissue repairs are made.
I would like to have Andrew evaluated and bathed in my presence.
I plan to keep Andrew near me following birth and would appreciate if the evaluation of Andrew can be done with Andrew on my abdomen, with both of us covered by a warm blanket, unless there is an unusual situation.
If Andrew must be taken from me to receive medical treatment, My husband and sister or some other person I designate will accompany Andrew at all times.
I would prefer to hold Andrew rather than have him placed under heat lamps.
I do not want a routine injection of pitocin after the delivery to aid in expelling the placenta.
I would like to see the placenta after it is delivered.
I would like to hold the baby for at least fifteen minutes before he is photographed, examined, etc., unless Andrew is in distress.
I would like to donate the umbilical cord blood, if possible.

Postpartum
I would like a private room, if available.
Unless required for health reasons, I do not wish to be separated from Andrew.
I would like to have the baby "room in" and be with me at all times, if family members are present. If my family is not present, I would like the option of putting him in the nursery.

Breastfeeding
I plan to breastfeed Andrew and would like to begin nursing very shortly after birth.
Unless medically necessary, I do not wish to have any bottles given to Andrew (including glucose water or plain water).

Circumcision
I would like Andrew to be circumcised before we check out of the hospital.

Eye Care
I would like to delay eye care until after I have bonded with the baby.

Photo/Video
I would like to take still photographs during labor and the birth.
I would like to make a videorecording of labor and/or the birth.

Other
I would like vitamin K to be administered orally to Andrew, if that is available..
My support people are my husband Steve Bell, my sister Virginia Salazar and a Doula named Jami. I would like them to be present during labor and/or delivery.
I would like my other children to be able to visit me and Andrew in the hospital.
I would prefer that no students, interns, or non-essential personnel touch me during my labor or the birth, but they may be present for learning purposes.

310. Danny's

We met with the doula last night. She's helping us to have a more conscious birthing experience, to understand our options better. I'll put the birth plan in for a blog when it's more finalized.

William gave me a wonderful hug Thursday when he saw me. I hope to never forget that hug.

I'm not sure if Vava still has the string, but to my knowledge Virginia is the only one left with the string of protectors from William's Buddhist naming ceremony. Diana realized she doesn't have any more, she was surprised. Aida lost hers too.

Diana reports William goes nuts with the softie truck song, wants to go out for something.

William seems to love disorder. He messes the house up. Emma is saying "backpack", "Nati", "baby" and "AJ". She makes the sound from Backyardigans. Supposedly Nicole puts away her toys, when she's done. William is good at climbing, and manipulating, but not so much yet at communicating and cleaning up.

Aida, who has much merit, baby sat, so Diana and I could go out to dinner. We went to Danny's, which we haven't been to in a long time. We went over the birth plan and had good conversation. That's a lovely place. William enjoyed the company of Aida, KayLa and Natasia. He said, "Dada," when I came home.

309. Wait to Monday

The gynecologist says wait till Monday to come back again, and hope for Diana to go into labor. She says everything is good, except the cervix is not getting ready. Everything else is ripening. We're doing the homework well, but she says do more.

Diana called a doula. I think she helped Diana to make more conscious how she wants to birth Andrew. I'm looking forward to meeting her.

I'm off to the Mets game. Two nights with little William contact. That's why I came home for lunch today. Diana says, "you're with him tomorrow night!" Of course, I want to be with him.

308. Backyardigans

William led me to the ice creme truck, so I bought him a softie. Diana says he was playing hide and seek at the store the other day. We have our furniture finally, all right. One section is not attached, which annoys me, because they put it onto Diana to solve. Now I just need my garage back for the convenience... and ... wall hangings... a new kitchen...

My mother called on vacation. She thought Diana was going to be induced. She's going to the gynecologist today.

Angie bought an extra DVD of the Backyardagans, William is watching it now. I came home for lunch to see William. I'm going to the Mets game with the home our agency works with, tonight, and I didn't see him last night. He was asleep when I came, but he woke up. Precious little boy, I love him so much.

307. Big brother?

AJ and Harry came over Sunday to help us with putting some of the stuff he took apart, back together. We put in the AC which was bought with a gift from Di Bell, and finally got it in the window, got the box out of the ground. William and AJ played some with the box. Aida and Natasia came over. Aida went out to get a driving lesson from Diana's father. The house looks better thanks to the book shelf Jen and Damon gave us. Diana was always afraid the huge one we had would fall on one of our children when they tried to climb it when we were not looking. Virginia kindly took boxes and boxes and bags of stuff. So now we need the right furniture, the garage cleaned out so I can park there again, and I'll finally feel settled. I'm looking forward to the kitchen being redone, because I want the microwave out of the dining room, that would free up some space. William enjoyed other kids being around.

I forgot to mention William pooped in the bathtub yesterday.

William slept from 11-8, he didn't wake up. Diana shut his window some, she thinks the pollen may be keeping him up.

In the evening, I met Virginia in the park with William. Then took him home, and gave him a bath.

Monday night William went in and out of fussiness. I took him to the park when I got home. There was a new crowd. Some woman asked where William's big brother was. Did they mean AJ? They had talked to Abuela. A sweet little girl named Tina played with William, and she even asked if she could come home with us. William got licked in the face by a dog. The guy said, "my wife would go crazy if she saw that."

306. Oh NO!

William took a long evening nap Friday night. I rubbed Diana's belly with castor oil, in a downward motions, like the doctor said to. I was talking to Andrew. Then I called him William once. That's the first time I mixed up their names. I'm sure it won't be the last.

William slept through the whole night from 7 to 7. One night 7 hours, the next 12. I went to my first mitra meeting Saturday, in a long time, and missed William. I got some Chinese food, and he got fussy, crying when Diana went to the kitchen for a straw so he could drink some iced tea she was drinking.

Aminta came over with Steven, and took William to the park. I took him for a walk later, and he fell asleep. We started watching Hotel Rwanda. He woke and was fussy. Diana and I think he's learn to, "ungh...ungh...ungh," like Emma. Diana says Emma is a little more advance, she can walk up a slide, and then slide down. Diana thinks that's because Emma is around older kids.

William had the little Indian kids at KFC stroking his cheeks and playing with him. I hope he's aware of his prejudices and treat people well. I think I have positive prejudices about Indian (or Bangladeshi or Nepalese or Pakistani, I can't tell). William was particularly cute, and ate corn on the cob. He was a bit fussy at times.

When we put him in the stroller, he said, "Oh, NO!" as clear as day. Diana and I laughed and laughed.

I took William to get a bagel with egg whites and decaffeinated coffee. I meditated, and then ate my bagel. I crumpled up the bag, and William took it from me and put it in the garbage for me!

Zane says he's going to make a calendar for next year. He's going to have 3 pictures of William, 3 of Andrew, 3 of Alexis and 3 of Braxton.

305. L'Auberge Espagnole

The other homework included Raspberry leaf tea, Primrose pills, and rubbing castor oil on her belly in a downward motion.

Last night we were exhausted. William stayed up till 12 midnight, and then woke up at 7. I always ask Diana if she wants to go to bed, and she always refuses. When she's tired, she just goes to bed. Last night she just went to bed.

Diana decided today was her last day at work. She's off till December now. I'm glad she decided that. She's so tired and exhausted. So much to cope with.

Diana snapped at me last night. I said, "William urinated." He'd just finished his shower, and was walking around naked. I had a camera and a popsicle watching. She wanted me to put a diaper on him, not talk about it.

Tonight, I went out and got Indian food for dinner. Or rather Bangladeshi. William enjoyed it being out, till I wouldn't let him walk all around a gas station, and put him back into the stroller. The world is no longer his oyster. He didn't eat much Indian food. Diana likes it now, I'm quite proud of her. When I first met her, she was very very afraid of Indian food, now she's OK with it.

Diana said when she came home, William just waved to his Abuela, saying, "you can go home now." He's only almost 17 months, and he understands so much. I'm slightly skeptical that when Abuela asked "where's Andrew?" he pulled up his shirt and pointed to his stomach. But it's a cute story.

William took a nap and we watched a fun movie called L'Auberge Espagnole.

They're going to supposedly bring the right furniture on Wednesday. They brought a new table, but it was also dented, so that's going back.

We were going to go to New Jersey tonight, but Virginia has a concert, and something to do tomorrow morning. I've got my first mitra meeting in a while.

304. Homework

Diana went to the gynecologist. Mucus is coming out, but there's lots more things that have to happen. The doctor says to come back next week. The baby is a good size, we want one smaller than William. We got homework. I can't remember any of them except "sex, sex, sex". I think one was to rub castor oil downward on the belly. Some tea to drink also.

William was hard to manage at the doctors. We decided not to go to dinner, and got take out. It's been a difficult night, we're both exhausted. William, perhaps picking up our, or my mood, has been very fussy. He's cute and energetic, and fussy. He had half a banana. He ate some of Diana's food, but didn't want mine. Angie came over and got the school supplies that Diana and Virginia bought for them.

The world is no longer his oyster. It seems that recently it was. But now the balance has shifted from getting mostly what he wants to mostly not getting what he wants.

303. Cunningham Park

Driving to the park yesterday to meet Paul (the Italian godfather), I looked into the mirror at William. He was flipping through one of his books.

We ran a little. One guy asked me how the running stroller performed. For $99, it did the job. It's not like some tech thing, I bought the cheapest one, because I wasn't established in a running routine. Paul is good to keep in touch with me, and his godson. He struggles with things, as we all do, and I wish him well.

Six poops in a 12 hour period! Seven over a 24 hour period. Since I went to Virginia's Friday night, I vowed to make the most of William Saturday through Monday. He's gotten rather attached to me and it's quite sweet. It's been a wonderful weekend in that regard. I think Diana and I are a good team, trading off when we're exhausted.

It was hard to go to work for both of us on Tuesday, but I felt refreshed, and happy, till it began to grind me down again.

302. Sir Poopalot

William had 3 poops last night, and 2 this morning. I guess he was a little backed up.

The cable people held us hostage Labor Day because the cable guy is coming. But it was a woman and she came at noon, so it wasn't bad. We got the cable and internet back.

William likes to play with pens. I indulged him once, and now he's fussing for it more and more.

Diana says he gets a bottle and lays down now when he needs his diaper changed.

We're getting the house back into order, slowly. I think Andrew will love our place.

301. Shower

Saturday night William had relatives and family friends in riches. He still can't play with the big boys, and he needs supervision all the time. Not surprising at 16.5 months. Diana got many nice presents for her shower. I couldn't stay up that late and with permission left.

Diana was puking all night. She has acid reflux because Andrew is pressing on her stomach. I took William to the park. We walked around and had some fun. He is getting more and more social, though language and greater dexterity will make it more fun. He likes to walk around the park. He played in the puddle of water the little fountain makes. He played with David, pronounced the Jewish way, who is 20 months and his mother hasn't cut his hair much. I asked her if she was following the tradition of waiting 3 years, and she said no, she just liked it that way. He was a nice boy until he squeezed William's hand and made him cry.

We continue to try and get the house back into order after the painting and new furniture. Seems like I did dishes all day too. I took William for a walk, and he fell asleep. When I got home, Diana was asleep too. The cable still does not work, so we need to wait tomorrow for the cable guy. I'm surprised they have someone on labor day.

William ate half a banana. That's the first time I saw him do that. He bit into the skin a few times just to see what it was like, but he did well.

To let Diana sleep some more, I took William to the park again. He watches the older kids playing. He seems drawn to basketball. He went for his little wander outside the park. You don't see too many fathers at Vleigh Park. So many different nationalities, ethnicities, races, languages. Two zaftig grandmothers were running around shrieking, yelling, "Nyet!" when the little girls they were attending would go near an edge. Definitely teaching the children to be afraid of heights. William naturally stops at any ledge and waits for me if he's trying to go down. And of course I guess I'm able to follow the children, they sort of stayed on the sideline and shrieked. William likes these little houses that he can climb in. At the water fountain, he was pressing it so that it squirted all over, including his face.

He slid down the slide, and enjoyed it for the first time. He kept walking back up it with my help.

We ate dinner at our new dinner table, which has to go back because it has a scratch. I look forward to the family dinners. William ate everything, he was a very good eater today. Diana took a bath with him to clean up.

300. Carpet

I came from NJ, were I spent a lonely night trying to recuperate from a stressful week. I missed Diana and William very much. It's been difficult being away from them with all the remodeling going on. Virginia was sleeping over, so there was no room for me to sleep, with the house in disorder.

The carpet guys were trying to lay the carpet before the furniture guys put the furniture in. The carpet guys had to go back and get the right carpet, again, because that is what happened when they came Thursday. So they said they were going to come at 8, but of course they did not. So the furniture guys did not set up the furniture, gave us the a wrong piece, and the table has a scratch. So next week the furniture will be resolved, and the big AC we bought last summer will be put in. The carpet looks nice, but they carpet guys said that they do not carry down the old carpet, so I spent the afternoon schlepping the old carpet to the garbage. My back is killing me.

William and I went out and got breakfast for Diana and Virginia. I say to William, "do you hate dada?" He says, "No." I ask, "Do you hate mama?" "No" "Do you hate Gigi?" "No." Later, when I ask, "do you want up?" he lifts his arms up. That's a yes.

Then we went to the park. I talked to Kathy and Rich as he walked around the park. I took William for his 5th hair cut, his shortest yet. He was excellent--he sat in the chair while I was getting mine. He didn't cry much, and let the barber do his work. And when it was done, he gave me one of his lollypops. We came home and took a shower together to wash off all the stray hair. Diana thought the cut was short, but not bad.

While I was carrying down the dirty old carpet and mat, Diana went to her mother's to get Harry's kids. They were working an early shift, so Harry left them at his parents. Diana's parents stayed up till 6 preparing the food for today's shower. To me it all feels disorganized and jam packed, but it's all getting done, and everyone has been so sweet. Aida and Virginia have been busting their butts to paint and get this place together for Andrew. So I finally got my computer together, while William took a nap, but I can't seem to get the internet working, so I'll post this when I can.

He's thrown a few fits when he didn't get his way today, but mostly when he gets tired.

299. Outside!

Andrew weighs 7.5 lbs. He's going to weigh 8 next week, and ready to be out of the womb. Diana is doing well, and in prime nesting mode. There's a frenzy tonight to get it ready for painting tomorrow. Friday is carpeting. Saturday is delivery of the couch and dining room table, and Diana's shower for Andrew. Lots going on.

William seems to be riding it all out with the gaggle of helpers: Aida, KayLa, Natasia, Venus, AJ and Emma. He woke up at 7:30 this morning and I gave him a bottle, and he fell back asleep when I put him in bed with Diana so I could meditate. Diana says he got up at 9:30.

William cried when I told him no because he was smacking Emma.

William wanted his Abuela today. He's been avoiding her because he thinks that means mom is going away. But he wanted to go out, and went to her.

298. False Alarm

Diana had some bleeding. We went to the hospital. We sat for a long time. And then we had her in a bed monitoring her for a long time. Then they let her go. No big deal. But we got to do a test run. Aida came over to cover William. Virginia got there very quickly. So we got the lay out, the setting, etc. Like last time, a dry run, a visit just for precaution. Actually Diana went twice and was sent home, before she went for good. At least there are some couches in the birthing room to sleep on. We weren't in one, but I saw into them. They had a c-section baby there, looked very cute.

297. Dada

William said, "dada", when he was me Sunday night. I spent some time with him. It was wonderful to hold him again, to see his lovely expressive face.

296. 9th Tooth

William went to the doctor yesterday. He's 28.5 pounds, 33 inches tall. He got 4 shots. He's got his 9th tooth, and 3 more are coming fast. He woke up with a cold, and had a hard night sleep.

Diana went to her doctor and Andrew is in position, head down, ready to come out, though it's a long ways off. Diana wants to be induced the 19th of September to try for a V-BAC birth (Vaginal birth after Caesarian).

With Aminta's help, I got the running stroller together (she watched William). I took him over to Paul's, and we walked to Cunningham Park. We walked and talked, then I ran a few laps. William got tired of it, and he was cold, I didn't have him properly dressed, so we cut it short. But it seemed good.

I'm going to miss William this weekend, I'm off for a retreat this weekend, I say goodbye tomorrow morning till Sunday.

295. summersault

Diana says William did a summersault tonight. He was bending over, and opse. Diana said he smiled.

I got a jogging stroller today. I got some new running shoes. I hope to test them out tomorrow, once I put the stroller together. Hope that's not too hard. We got some matchbox cars for William too. He's really into anything with wheels.

294. Remodeling

After all these women throwing themselves at him, he threw himself at Ava. We drove over to New Jersey to see Josephine, Michael, Evan and Ava. We'll have to leave earlier next time, traffic isn't great going to the Holland Tunnel. I took a million pictures of Ava. She looks a little bit like an elf, with her pointy ears and big eyes. I think she's very cute. And she's very verbal.

William slept on the ride there, and back. Today Diana went to Home Depot and picked out the materials to remodel our bathroom. The living room is filled with it now. This week, I'm going to have to shower and go to the bathroom at neighbors and at Abuela and Abuelo's. I'm not looking forward to that, but our bathroom was pretty bad, and it will be easier to wash William when we get a new shower deal. The doors made it hard to get to him.

This morning he didn't want to stay at the park. It's very hot. It's supposed to cool off in the week. He was fussy at home. He was up in the window sill again. I would take pictures, but I got some good pictures of him before. We took a 2 hour nap together, which was nice. And he's letting me write now.

293. Kissing cousins

William has been kissing Emma, his first cousin, and Nicole, his second cousin. We went to Joseph's party last night. Happy Birthday Joseph. We took AJ and Venus.

Friday morning I got up at 3 am, because Diana whacked me. Friday was a hard day at work, in part because of getting up. They I got home and Emma, AJ and Venus were there, and were all over me when I got there. Then we went to a party. And I got up early this morning and took care of William, and then took him out when it looked like he was going to begin to go try and get his mom out of bed. I got a package from the post office. I got some Buddhist children's books, though they're a little complicated, so I'll have to wait to read them to William and Andrew. A guy at a deli gave me a free coffee after we talked about our children. I gave William some of my eggs from my egg sandwich. The park was pretty quiet when I got there, only one father with two little daughters. William tried to make contact with the older one, but she was not into him. I talked with Rich on my cell phone for a little while. After a while, he got tired, and I took him home. I was glad to give Diana sleep, but I didn't have the energy to keep him out when we got home. Diana kept sleeping, but when he fell down, and began wailing, she got up. I'm glad she got some sleep. My neck in tense. I feel like I'm close to the breaking point sometimes, but I know from experience, that I have more and more I can give. Diana is my model for taking it till she bursts. She's been baby sitting Harry's kids. It's brought on more stress, but it's also a rich experience.

292. Downpour

It's thundering and pouring outside. Lightning struck very near Virginia's house here in New Jersey. We came out to New Jersey Saturday: Aida, Natasia, KayLa, Diana, William and me. There's space, and stairs. We had a hard time figuring out the AC. But William got in the kiddie pool, when Natasia was out there. He wants to be where ever she is. Virginia has landed safely on her return from Aruba. She says Aruba is a very family friendly island.

Andrew will be born at a different hospital than William. And this hospital allows video cameras of the birth, and I can be right there if it's a caesarian, instead of behind the screen. Diana's mother got jury duty just the Friday before the week Diana is planned to be induced. Diana said she wants me to take time off after her mother's vacation is done. Virginia is talking about taking time off. William is going to have more things to deal with. He was crying the other night because the camcorder ran out of batteries, and there was nothing I could do about it. He's having more and more fits, I've been calling him a "fuss pot". It's hard to know what he wants.

We had to keep him away from Natasia when she was doing her homework. He has to be very entertained to not be in the same room she is in.

Diana is heavy and tired. She wants Andrew out. He's doing all kinds of fetal gymnastics at times. He moves a lot.

I just took a nap with William. I'm trying much harder to shift the load today. Sometimes I get so exhausted, I'm of little use.

The winds change direction and the rains come down with a different slant. The drainage ditch could not contain the waters and it over flowed. I hope William is enjoying the show. Natasia is but he does not seem to understand yet.

291. Kiss boo boo

William has you kiss his boo boo now. Diana says he learned that on his own. He stepped on something and fell, and put his hands out, "Ugh ugh." I kissed his foot and he went merrily on his way. I got home late last night, and he insisted on me reading him some books. Diana said, "he doesn't bring me books," and "he wants to get all out of daddy before he goes to bed."

290. Matchbox

William's hair has grown a lot from the hair cut 3 weeks ago. He went to bed last night at 8 and slept till 8, waking up 2, 3 and 5. I've been listening to a Sangharakshita lecture on sangha (the spiritual community) and there's a baby crying in the background. It's freaked me out a few times, and last night Diana and Virginia heard it too, thought William was crying. Virginia slept over last night, and left early in the morning for Aruba.

William fights with his cousin Emma. Emma is 12 days older. He fights Emma over the matchbox cars. He can't hold more than 2 in his hands, but he wants all of them. When Emma grabs one and runs away, he would run after her shouting and crying.

I picked William up and took him to the park. He walks around. He watches the other kids more complicated activities. He likes to crawl under things and take advantage of his size. He likes balls. He's getting better at climbing up and negotiating everything. But he started crying and I took him home.

289. Pumpkin

I took William over to Paul's, in part to, give Diana an evening off. Instead, Angie showed up late, and Diana got home 10 minutes before I did. Much to my chagrin. Still, I had a good evening with William and Paul. Angie arrested someone, and she worked later, the second night in a row, which has cannibalized our evenings. Wednesday it took our anniversary away from us. I was under the weather, so we had canceled our plans to go to Mesa Grill (my second time, it seems not to be). Angie says, "why didn't you say something?!" What were our options? The children were there, they needed to be taken care of. Diana's father can't take care of them alone for that long, just getting home, and anyway, Diana likes to do it.

I can air these situations publicly because Harry and Angie do not have a computer. They have not entered the age of the internet yet. Anyway, I'm not mad or judging her, working and having children are a really difficult thing. She's not hanging out or taking advantage of Diana, because Diana wants to do what she does. I think William will be the better for hanging around more children, it's a kind of family day care experience. I think it's helping in his socialization, more than just being alone would.

William fell asleep on the drive over to Paul's. He napped for an hour, so we got to have some adult talk, uninterrupted. William got to meet Pumpkin, Paul's cat, and he also played some with a childhood toy of Paul's. The toy is a car that you can take apart. It's pretty cool. William was a bit young for it, but it was cool that Paul would share this item with him. It obviously had important sentimental value for Paul, and I could see why, it was cool. Paul is not as much attune to the little children as the older ones, but he tries and I appreciate that. He is a good godfather, and I feel lucky that he will take some part in William's life. His godfather failed him when he needed him once, and he's remembered that and wants to do the opposite.

We went for pizza. William at the vegetables and cheese I put in his mouth, and had a little diet soda and some seltzer water. He tried to charm an Indian family. Then we went to the park briefly. William laid down on the cement and an Asian father said, "you let him do that?!" I said, "that which doesn't kill him, makes him stronger," but I felt a little guilty, like I was endangering my child by not being more uptight. I want to protect William, but I did not see danger in him laying on the cement for a few seconds.

Then we went to Paul's mother's apartment. She's wanted to meet her son's godson, and enjoys children. It was a joy to see her excitement at seeing a little child, she was very sweet. She was berating Paul for not giving her more notice so she could get a present. She was very very sweet. William was pretty good, but got tired and upset. She waves goodbye when you leave the building from her 12th floor apartment. I want to go back with Diana some time, and with Andrew.

288. The Park

The park has a different flavor every time I go to it. I also like going to the park to give Diana a break. She's so tired from being pregnant, and her helping nature. She's wanted so much to support Aida through her mourning the loss of her mother.

Last night big men were playing basketball, instead of the usual little kids or spare people just taking shots. William at one point tried to go onto the court, and I made a game out of keeping him off it. Soon enough he will be able to dodge me and get around me. Not now though.

Little Kayla was there, a 20 month girl, that William has met before. The mother was blowing bubbles, and a bunch of kids went a little wild about it, almost knocking over little Kayla. She left a little while later, saying it was too rough. William is almost hit by bikes and kids running, but I'm right next to him protecting him.

He's getting more and more dextrous. He wanted to climb with coins in his hands, which I had to eventually force out of his hands.

I have to remember to bring a ball. He borrows balls, and the Indian looking women in their saris are very nice. I'd say the dominant ethnicity is Indian at the park, though I can't say if they're from Pakistan or Bangladesh or Guyana or Trinidad. Some cover their heads, and they seem a bit presumptuous to imagine I would be attracted to them if they showed more of their bodies, but I want to tell them I don't think Islam is responsible for terrorism, that terrorism is a perversion of Islam. I haven't yet asked anyone where they are from, but I imagine I will. I recognize many faces at the park. I like the mix.

William wanted to get on the rocking horse for the first time. I've put him on it, but he always wants to get off. More and more dextrous.

Today is Diana and my 8th anniversary and my father's birthday. Happy birthday Zane.