143. Halloween

William slept for almost 4 hours after my post. I was all awake because of coffee, and I'm not used to him taking more than a 20 minute nap. He napped laying down for about 2 hours. Then I rocked him, and held him for another 2 hours. I fed him a bottle, that he drank down after about 3 hours.

Diana took him off to Abuela's to join the group for trick or treating. When I got there, they were not there. I called Diana's cell, and I heard it ringing there. I called Villo, and hers rang there. Aida, bless her, had her cell phone on her. I met up with them. They were coming home. I took a million pictures of Emma as Piglet and William as Pooh.

I went out to dinner with Paul, and when I came home, I printed out some of the cute pictures. Harry and AJ helped Diana bring William home. Alex came over and gave us her fish, we're fish sitting. I took his Pooh outfit off, and she put it back on and took 2 pictures.

Odds and Ends: There's a new version of Beautiful Boy by Celine Dion. It makes Diana cry. I read in the magazine Baby Talk, that the editor looks forward to Monday because the weekends can be so hectic. TGIM. I guess after looking after William from 8-6 alone, I felt a little that way. Still, he's wonderful and I'm going to miss spending the morning with him tomorrow.

142. Weekend

I went shopping with Virginia yesterday. William took it pretty well, though getting in and out of the car is confusing, because he falls asleep, then is awoken. We went to Trader Joe's, then the Mall. Virginia did not see any costumes she liked. I got William some booties that fit him, all our shoes didn't fit him, either they're too small or too big. The woman in the store was charmed by William. I got Diana some dark chocolate. I got a new cassette thing so I could play my iPod in the car. Virginia exchanged some stuff at Ann Taylor and I bought a poster for my new office (I can't hear "office" without hearing Rich say, "orifice") of a nature shot, with water falls and a rainbow for $4. Bubbub wasn't the only child at the mall, so many families. Plus they have blue laws, stores are closed on Sunday in that county of NJ, so the malls were packed. We went to Babies 'R Us and stocked up on goodies, and got some important bibs, toys and other fun stuff. I don't really like shopping, but I like shopping for William.

Back at home we were all sort of tired. We watched Something's Gotta Give, which I enjoyed. I hate it when I'm pushing William off onto others, but I get so tired sometimes. I felt a little that way this morning too, but I'm trying to focus on spending time with him, store it up, for tomorrow I work. I drove Diana to her 8:30 Sunday class from NJ, and then came home. I took William for a long walk with the nice warmth, the leaves are turning and falling. I ended up at a bagel place and got myself a bagel. William charmed a few people with his good looks there. He finally fell asleep giving me a chance to walk around without him glued to me. I love him, but I think my tolerance for him being attached to me is lower than Diana, Abuela, Virginia, and Zane. Maybe I'll use the snuggly, which I got out of the car, to walk around and do things with him attached to me. Diana just called to check on William. He is fine. She's going to Aida's to pump.

141. Precious sleep

Generous Virginia kept William last night. I got 9 hours of precious sleep. He would not go to bed until midnight. All 3 of us walked and tended to him, to try and get him to sleep. It's so wonderful to watch Virginia enjoying William. And it's nice to see Diana get 9.5 hours of sleep.

Now that I'm going back to work, we're going to be sharing the night time responsibilities. Already there is a child care crisis. Aida and Diana have late meeting 3 out of 4 Mondays a month. Abuela has been picking up Natasia. Paquita stays till 4:30 with Elizabeth's kids. Virginia is going to Boston. Alexandra is going to Boston Sunday. Diana might have to skip the meeting, or we might have to look outside the box for someone who is free to take care of William on Monday.

I've been taking all kinds of pictures of William with Virginia's excellent camera. I have some precious shots.

Virginia reports William woke up at 6. Then he went to sleep again till 8. I came down at 9, and William took another little nap around 10. We didn't bring any cereal so William had brunch. Diana fed him while I held him, because we don't have a feeding seat. William took Virginia's glasses off. Kind kind Virginia. Now we're going out shopping so Diana can work on a paper. We're taking William.

140. Last weekday

William was glad to see me, Thursday coming home from Abuela's, and I was very glad to see him. I danced around, and he enjoyed that. I picked him up and hugged him. He actually hugged me back! It was the best celebration to getting a job I could imagine.

I got some good video of him talking to his hand, and flapping the towel on the changing table, thrashing around. I've been in a good mood, getting a job and all. William has enjoyed my good mood. Everyone has congratulated me on getting the job.

Virginia took us out to Jackson Diner, even though she doesn't really like spicy Indian food. We put William into his winter suit. There are lots of families in there, it's a family friendly place. We sat next to a couple with an older child and a 5 month old. William woke up, and was grabbing for everything. On the ride home, Virginia had to stop quickly, and Diana screamed. That woke William up, and Virginia got upset because she thought maybe something happened, and it was her fault. Nothing happened, and it wasn't her fault, but when William cried, she cried too.

William was serious looking and tired at the restaurant. He pitched a fit when he was woken up in the car. But when he got home he came alive, and was thrashing into the night. We were up till midnight. Finally he went to sleep after midnight. I had insomnia with the excitement and worry about my new job on Monday and stayed up later than I wished I would have. I got up and read some at one point. Diana woke me at 7, William was still awake and she had to go to work. So I drove her.

There was a car accident by Diana's parent's friends, and so Abuela did not want William today. I fed him lunch for the first time in a while, and then took him to return a book at the library. William fell asleep and when Diana came home I took a 3 hour nap. Yikes. Now we're off to NJ for the weekend.

139. Got a job

I got a job. I start Monday. Tomorrow will be the last day I'm going to be taking care of William during a week day that is not a holiday or vacation. It's going to be sad. I'm going to keep him all day, no sharing with Abuela, now that she's going to have him every week. It's been a wonderful 6.5 months! I'm going to bring in a million pictures of my son to the clinic.

138. Sleep

William was thrashing, waving a towel around. I came in and we watched him, and then he became self conscious and stopped and looked at me. We both laughed. His level of movement and vocalization has increased markedly over the past few weeks, I think his body is maturing so he can do things. He's much more verbal, which makes me take his "mamamamama" less serious. It's hard for me to judge when he's complaining all the time.

Diana fed him pears and winter squash, with a little bit of carrot and then apple sauce. She breast fed him, and he fell asleep around 8. Diana fell asleep around 9:15. At 9 she doggedly insisted she would watch West Wing. But she soon came in to go to bed.

William woke up at 2. I heard him rustling for a while, before he cried. He was awake. I fed him a little then changed his diaper. He put his foot in the poop, and I had to turn on the light to manage things better. He was still awake, and I was so tired, so I put him back in bed. He was fine for a while, but Diana got up when he cried. Strangely, I could not fall back to sleep then. Diana got him to sleep, though.

He didn't wake up for Diana and she pumped. He woke up at 7. I was having an aliens taking over the world dream. He was fussy, and had to be closely watched. I fed him and he cried a little bit at the end. No fair putting food in his mouth when he opens it to complain. He fell asleep, and slept from 8:20-8:55. He smiled in his sleep, and woke up in a more pleasant mood.

I took him over to Abuela's so I could shave and iron my shirt for my interview today. He seemed a bit put out that I was taking him over so early. He reached out for me, and didn't want to go back to Abuela. She pouted, but I felt good. Silly really.

137. Lucky

William went to bed around 7:30 on Tuesday night. He woke enough to eat a few times. When I got home at 9:37 he was sprawled on Diana, who's eyes were blinking like she had a hard time staying awake. After Scrubs, I turned the TV off, and we went to bed. Diana fell asleep before she could even undress. Poor lamb is so tired, she can't even get undressed. I was a little worried, because that is what happened last Thursday before she got a migraine. I got up at 3 when William woke up, and he cried when I put him back down at 3:15, so I slept with him on the couch until 4. Diana got up at 5. She put him in bed at 7, to go to work and he woke up. In those situations I might as well get up and take Diana to work by car, so I did. Diana put on a red sweat suit with Tigger on the front. He looked very cute. I attributed to William an appreciation of the sun on the clouds as I took him to the car. Driving I appreciated the turning leaves. William fell asleep and that let me check the oil which I've neglected to check in a while. It was alright.

He woke up when I took him out of the seat. I brought him in and set him in various place: the couch, the floor (with a blanket underneath), the bed, his crib, his swing, his feeding chair. He's quickly discontent. When he walks around, he points his arm, and likes it when I let him explore where he wants. But the trouble is he starts to wreck things, so there's only so much of that I can do. I try to get him to play with his toys, but he's more interested in what he can not get to. I put a teddy bear so it's foot hangs down over the shelf above where we change him. He always contorts to try and get it, making diaper changing a bit harder. He did stay in his crib a while. I also noticed that if I hold him for a while, he will stay somewhere longer. I suppose it's all ways the mob boss gets me to stay near him. Sometimes he just voices discontent, like the car behind you honks when the light changes, just in case you were not paying attention.

He did not eat much breakfast. He smooshed the oatmeal all over his face and hair. I called him oatmeal face for a while. I played Rapper's Delight to try to improve his mood, but it didn't work, he was dumbstruck. Last night when I was eating, he was opening his mouth along with me. He grabs the spoon which makes for a big mess.

After a few false starts, I finally got him to nap. We laid down, and he didn't like laying on his back and woke up, so I put him on my chest. After a while I rolled, and he was laying on his side in a cute position, with his arms and tiny fists curled up around and framing his cute little sleeping face. When he woke up it was time to go over to Abuela's.

I'm very lucky Diana bore such a wonderful baby. I'm lucky to have such a hard working wife who get ambushed by sleep. I'm lucky to have an Abuelo who has yet to say no to me when I ask if I can bring William over, I hope I have not taken advantage of that. I'm lucky to have Virginia around and all her generosities. I'm lucky to have my friends, my sangha, my family. I am very lucky feeling today.

Odds and ends: I read Madonna's book Mr. Peabody's Apple, and I thought it was pretty good. Diana borrowed it from the school library. The subway is 100 years old today. William is 6.5 months. John Cleese is 65. I am 37.5

136. Tantrum

I woke up at 8am Monday morning, and snoozed until William woke up at 8:20. He tapped me on the back to let me know he'd woken up.

Also in the criticism of me and my 3 minute car move, was the idea that I left the door open. Someone could have come in and stolen William. Like there are vultures waiting to snap him up. The thinking is: Yea, the risk is small, but if it happens, you'll be sorry. I prefer not to live my life in fear. I want to be prudent, but not guided by fears. They are cute, though, the women with their concerns and their disaster scenarios. Even Paul thought I was wrong though, and thought it was just about energy. I didn't want to load him into the car seat, that was just laziness. In some ways I don't want William in the car at all, but I relent on that one. It's always a big seeming risk to me. I worry no matter who he's with and where and what he's doing, when I'm not around.

William's hair was wild this morning. Diana gave him a bath late, and it's always funny for a while. With his hair so long, he looks even more goofy. I wish Diana would let me cut his hair.

I got William at 3. He was asleep. He stayed asleep till I stopped the car to pick up Diana. Then we went over to Alex's. Having Alex gushing all over William, reminded me that Aida and Alex were fighting over William when we got to Josephine's. I remember after 10 minutes, I had him, they forgot about him.

I was video taping William. He got angry, and pitched a fit. He stopped when we gave it to him. Alex said, "it's his first tantrum." He's tired or hungry or something. I've never seen that over something.

Alex gave him a bath and I took pictures of his cowlick, that she gave him. I took her home, and D and W went to bed. Again, I moved him to his bed, after I turned out the light.

He woke up at 7 Tuesday. He took a 20 minute nap a little later, and I fed him lunch. We looked at his touch and feel books, and his shapes books. He put the shapes in his mouth, he put the books in his mouth. My mother still thinks he just needs to be taught to appreciate literature, bless her silliness. I put him in the swing and did some dishes. I took him to the Family Dollar store and bought him a little truck for a dollar, then took him to his Abuela's.

P.S. The time of posting should be correct now. And I'll get an e-mail if someone comments

135. Compared to what?

William went to bed for the final time at 2. He woke up when Diana woke up for class. And he woke up for me at 8:30. He went back to sleep after some feeding, but I couldn't get to sleep, so I got up and pottered about until he woke up later. I put him on the couch with his toys, until he arched his back. I took him for a walk. I fed him oatmeal with banana and formula mixed in.

Virginia came over and helped me take care of William. He napped on her for 36 minutes. She fed him peas and potatoes. She read the blog. She disagrees that I should not have left William in the crib to take the car into the garage, even for 3 minutes. She's worried Diana will find out. Not sure if she would tell.

Virginia went to pick up Diana. Paul came over. William fell asleep, though woke up when I put him in the crib. Aida, Natasia, Virginia and Diana came in. They saw William roll over. We had a public debate about the 3 minute car move. Seems Harry used to leave AJ in the crib while he took Venus to school. I said compared to Harry I was not so bad. Paul thought I asked for it. Knew it was coming, wanted it out of the way.

They went shopping. Diana came back when I was asleep. I did not see if the Jets won, I think they lost. Yup, they lost. Everything is coming up roses in Boston. William fell asleep after Diana gave him a bath and fed him. He slept on her, he slept on me. I got up and put him in the crib after 45 minutes, and he woke up. He ate some more.

William went into a light sleep early in the evening, and he laid by us when Diana went to bed. When I turned the light out, put him in his bed, without any wake up. Diana fed him when she woke up, and he woke up for me at 8:20. We played, I fed him the bottle, and oatmeal, and I realized I was very tired. I took him over to Abuela's. I'm lucky to have Virginia helping me out Sunday and Abuela helping me out today. Very lucky. Don't know how some people do it.

Odds and Ends: Correction: There are 5; Josephine still has the string on: Diana, Aida, Virginia, Josephine and Vava. William sucks his thumb now instead of the indiscriminate fingers in mouth. He puts his thumb in and jams it into the opposite side gums. Angry pellet count for Sunday: 4. Virginia gives him her fingers and he pulls himself up to sit up, good one that. He's gone from step 1 in baby food to step 2.

134. New Car Seat

Diana said, "why can't it be a cloudy day." It's cloudy now. Diana cried when she saw the photos with his hair slicked back. Zane and Bridget sent William a Halloween bear that glows in the dark. It's a bear in a skeleton costume. I took William to the library. He didn't like being in the library that much, he started crying to go. An Asian woman was wowed by him on the street and had to say hello and ask questions about him.

I slept for 5 hours. Diana reports William slept some. He kept throwing books off the coffee table. Diana is calling William "Bubbub".

Diana finally got to see William turn over. She was outside of the room, and then stood in the doorway and did not speak. When he turned over, she grabbed him, screaming with joy, which freaked him out a little bit. She fed him, and he fell asleep. She clipped his nails so he will not scratch him.

We took William over to his grandparent's house. Jimmy, Paquita, Checho, and Natasia were there. We gave them some photos I printed out. Checho hasn't had any photos so it was good to give her 2. And Jimmy and Paquita got 2. I played connect 4 with Natasia and took some pictures. It was hot and I left, which they thought was very funny. They call me Cinderfella. Diana reports Natasia enjoyed playing with him. Diana's father, Abuelo, joked about being able to hold William for more than 2 minutes. They call me the 2 minute man, because I get tired of William when women are around. When I'm alone with him for 8 hours, I'm not the 2 minute man, but things stick, don't they.

Diana came home at 2:15. William was still awake, and stayed awake till 3. He woke up 4, and drank 4 oz. Diana said, "I didn't hear him." I said, "yea, you didn't break your stride of snoring." Diana said, "Oh yea, this week, I came into the room, and you were snoring and I thought it would wake William up, so I put him in the crib instead of laying him next to you."

So William woke up around 8. I took care of him until Diana woke up, before I had to go. I'm thinking of canceling the paper again, I don't really have time to read it. I do enjoy it so, though.

I next caught up with William et al, when they drove up in Abuelo's car. We put William into our car, without taking him out, and drove to Alex's. We took Alex to an appointment. We waited for her, and then drove to Josephine and Michael's to see the 3 day old Ava. Sweet cute tiny Ava. I took a bunch of pictures and we all marveled at how light she was. Josephine seems to be doing well, though in a little pain. Ashley was there, but Jen wasn't. Evan and his father came home, and Evan entertained us with his antics and play. Virginia joined us, and brought the larger car seat. Now William faces forward in his new bigger car seat. He'd outgrown his old one.

Driving home was difficult because William cried a lot, perhaps tired, perhaps sick of being in the car, perhaps disliking the new car seat. He had a grade A crying jag. Fighting our way through New Jersey, Manhattan, Brooklyn and finally to Queens.

133. Migraine

They're popping out like Champaign corks in the Bosox locker room. Ryan was born at 9:53am Thursday, he's almost 8lbs & is 21 inches long, son of Sandra and her boyfriend, brother to Robyn, daughter of Victor, Diana's brother. When Diana wakes up, I'm going to have her call Josephine to congratulate her on Ava Olivia, born Wednesday. Maybe we'll go see her in the hospital today.

I must admit to the wisdom of living by Diana's parents. At first I didn't want to, and I wondered about the location. But now I can take William over for little or large breaks, and it's very convenient.

I fed William while he was very fussy. Then when I took him to his Abuela's, he fell asleep in the stroller. Poor puppy was tired. Diana brought him home, and he gobbled the milk for a long time, until they both fell asleep.

Diana "fell out". She slept with William, and then he woke up. I took him into the room to let her sleep. We played for a while, and he got fussy, so I thought he was tired (he'd eaten and had a diaper changed). But when Diana woke up he fed him baby food, and maybe he was hungry for baby food. He's had 4 meals today, Diana's mother fed him too. He's also had 4 little poops.

Diana again fell out when I was reading her some Thich Nhat Hanh writing on mothers, from the anthology that Andrew gave me, and that Alyssa said was good. William stayed up till 1. I'm trying to think "stay awake" instead of "fall asleep" because my desire has no influence. I struggled with him this morning too, I knew he needed sleep. He finally fell asleep when I gave him to his mother, who took the day off. I woke up and found her next to me. She called in sick because she was getting a migraine. Poor lamb is so stressed out. For some reason I was a little testy this morning too, William seemed particularly fussy and unwilling to fall asleep.

132. Shout!

Congratulations to Josephine and Michael, and the birth of her daughter Ava Olivia, born at 8:53am; 6lbs 11oz; 19 3/4 inches, by C-section yesterday. That makes another peer for William, from family members and friends, a group that includes Emma (Harry and Angie), Braxton (Whitney and boyfriend), Nicole (Jacky and Szolt--3 months younger), Alex (Morris and boyfriend--almost 5 months), and Ava, 6 months younger. Sandra is pregnant. She's Victor's ex-wife. Since the boy will be Robyn's sibling, he will be part of the "family". I hear Virginia in my head saying, "of course they're family," but I could be wrong.

I missed the evening with William. I had my dharma study with Vajramati. We went over the Latukikopama Sutta (#66 in the Majjhima Nikaya). Then I went to Ray and John's for the Bosox win! Poor John got a little upset when they took out Lowe. Martinez gave up 2 runs and he thought that was letting the Yankees, who he called vampires, back into it. He got rather upset. But it ended well, and now they are on to the world series. I'm glad I didn't bring William, it got a bit loud there for a while.

Of course William got up the most early he's gotten up all week at 7:20. He was strangely not very hungry. He had a sip from the bottle, and a sip later. He let me read the paper a little, and then laid in bed a little, but got kind of cranky, so I walked him till he fell asleep again. I wondered what this is going to do to his nap routine. I was strangely awake. He woke up and we played, I fed him oatmeal, and then I took him for a walk. Of course I forgot it's Thursday not Wednesday, so the library was not open yet. And the cheap grocery store does not have any coffee beans. I did some dishes, while William was in the swing. He's learned to yell. It's cute now, but I can see the day when it's not.

Odds and ends: Reading about the janjaweed forces in Darfur Sudan is upsetting. I'm glad William, Diana and I are safe. I find what is going on there horrible. Correction: Aida also still has the string from the circle of protectors at the naming ceremony. Aida, Diana, Virginia and Vava have it still. William has had 3 little turds this morning, each one a labor to squeeze out. An angry little pellet as Philip Roth writes in the novel Portnoy's Complaint. They turned on the heat, so it's not so cold in here.

131. Tug of war

I tried to let Diana do work last night, but I get tired, and when she's there, it's natural to hand him off to her. She's the one who can feed him with her body. She didn't mind tonight, but I have done that in the past, and I'm trying not to. William fell asleep, but then he woke up when I tried to take his bib off in preparation for bed. Diana fed him some more. She's not producing as much milk, but I think she's still producing and it's not gotten less, it seems to have stabilized.

We put him to bed, and settled in, and he woke up. I got up and watched the rest of the Yankees game. I'm glad they lost. I hope they lose tonight and their season is over. I want to see A-Rod pouting in the dugout. Poor poor multimillionaire playing a kids game, playing for the NY mercenary all stars.

Diana got up at early for work and I saw her carrying William, so she must have fed him. I fed him at 8, and then he fell asleep and slept till 10, a new record. I had crazy dreams in that time.

He didn't want to sit for long, nor play at his gym, though he did that longer. I fed him oatmeal for breakfast. He's good at slowing things down when he doesn't want to eat. They say don't feed them too early because they can't refuse it, and they can over eat. Well, I'm not worried William will over eat, he lets me know. I'm so into pressing food on him, that I worry he's a "snacker". They said that was the danger in the hospital. I'm not sure that's real. If he cried for food at the least hint of hunger, maybe, but he builds up, like in all things.

I ran out and put the car into the garage, to avoid a ticket. He wasn't crying when I got back, and it only took me 3 minutes. I timed it. I was torn, I didn't want to struggle him into the car seat for a 1 minute ride. I didn't want to risk holding him. So I chose the dash while he was in the crib. I think leaving him in the crib for 3 minutes is not a crime, but why do I feel so guilty about it?

I gave him a bath. I think the key to bathing William is going slow, and not getting too attached to results, and of course safety. It's difficult to wash his hands before he puts them into his mouth. Diana always moves the dish soap, which I find annoying, but today when he reached for it, I understood why she moves it. He grabbed the bowl I use to splash water over him, and then I got another one. He grabbed that one too. I laughed writing that, he's so funny. I put him on my shirt, which makes me a little wet, but makes putting on his special towel with the hood on, easier.

He loves the wash cloth. We played a little tug of war with it, and that got him laughing. I don't really like him sucking on it, but I guess that's how he learns that soapy water is not so much fun to drink.

He watched some of the Baby Einstein Bach, which he watched intensely, but arched his back after a while, so I shut it off and took him away. I called Abuela. She was willing to take him for a few hours, let me get some things done, get him outside, let him bond with his Abuela. He fought getting dressed up for the trip some, but I can make him laugh. I don't want to play that hand too much. I put him in the stroller, and he cries when I get out of sight, like when I have to get my socks. I guess that's attachment behavior to cry when I'm not in sight. I like to get him outside, and he always is glad to see his Abuela. I give her an outline of the morning, and asked her to feed him lunch. He hadn't had his 11 o'clock nap, because he got up late, so he probably took a nap. I've had lunch and read some of the Sports Illustrated. I've got to read for dharma study tonight, and I want to read more of Stern's book on babies. So much to do, so little time.

130. Dinner Time

William slept till 8:30. That's gold, and I woke up before him and prepared for my interview, which is not easy with him. Somehow I got him to Abuela's in the rain. I got to Coney Island on time. I went back to Abuela's to check in and see if she didn't mind keeping him longer. I was exhausted. I needed a nap. I collapse on Tuesday and Thursday it seems. Hugging and kissing him was so sweet. If it's possible to fall deeper and deeper in love with him, I am.

So I slept and Diana got him, and brought him home. He was so happy to see me, with his flapping arms and whatnot. I push his long hair behind his ears, out of his eyes so he can see. Diana still doesn't want a hair cut. I just notice he tilts his head to try to see under his hair.

Diana and I have never been good at fixing dinner. I went out and got some lettuce and chicken for some chicken salad. I bought a bunch of these organic sesame noodle frozen meals that are cheap because they are new. We have enough food for William. When I got home, William was gobbling down his dinner: sweet potatoes and apples. He's eating more and more. He's getting better at the whole feeding process.

He sat on the couch while Diana fixed dinner. Those annoying little postcards to get the New Yorker were a great toy to him. He likes to twist his wrist and they were small. I'm thinking of writing them and than them for something I've always thought was always annoying. I have some anxieties about him putting everything in his mouth, but what are you going to do?

Diana steamed the asparagus I got. I wanted to give him one stick, but I think he might be able to mash it with his gums. Diana said his mother wants to fix him chicken soup. She said in Ecuador children are eating more earlier. They drink colada at 3 months. Supposedly Virginia gave him some spoons the other day and he liked it. Colada by Diana's mom is strained oatmeal juice, and a little fruit juice and sugar.

While we were eating, he did a massive poop. I went to change him, but I saw Diana was done eating, so I passed the buck. I found her in the bathroom washing his feet. He put his foot in the diaper. He's a bit fussy and Diana is feeding him now. I hope she gets to bed early tonight. She's so tired. I got my nap this afternoon.

129. Natasia

William slept till 9:45, a record this morning for. Diana took a subway to her class, which was very very kind considering how late William slept. I played with him, and fed him breakfast. I took William over to Aida's, so Diana could see him at lunch, and Aida and Natasia and Kay La could see him. Aida took a nap with him after feeding him a big lunch. Natasia took her time doing her homework, because she was so distracted by us being there. I found some hair we think he pulled out of his hair. Diana kept it.

At home Diana took care of William as he slept. He took a 3 hour nap. He woke up happy, even though he had a runny nose. I took a nap myself. And then Diana went to bed, I stayed up with William. He went to bed around 11:30, but woke up and I held and rocked him some. I was watching the NY v. Boston game, but extra innings can last forever.

William got up at 7:45. Diana said he didn't wake up. She had to pump. I fed it to him when he woke up. We played, etceteras, and I fed him, and he took his 30 minute "11 o'clock" nap. I fed him peas and peaches for lunch. The excitement of the day was when we took a bath together. He was a little shocked to be in the new environment. I made more water, and I was in the tub with him. I wound up some of the bath toys and motored them toward him. He put one in his mouth. He's so slippery when he's wet, and with soap, he's even more slippery. I don't think it was the best bath, but it was a beginning and he slept in the car ride to get Natasia.

It only took me 20 minutes to get from my place in Queens near the intersection of the Van Wyche/Grand Central to 110 and 3rd Avenue in Manhattan. So I had to wait the 30 minutes I overestimated it would take. Natasia came out and I said, "where do you want to go?" She said, "McDonalds." I called Aida and she said that was all right. Natasia insisted, even though I think McDonalds is evil. She does enjoy playing in the playland. It's cool to watch other children and parents. William was fairly compliant, but got tired, and fussed, didn't drink much. He fell asleep in the car ride him. His "4 o'clock" nap. He didn't wake up coming inside.

128. Shopping!

Diana fell asleep on the couch. I fed William dinner: Sweet potatoes, apples. He ate a lot and then was pushing out another small angry little turd. That woke Diana up. Later when she was changing the diaper, he shot some out. Voided a lot. Poor little guy was a bit full. Diana gave him a bath, and I had to video tape a lot, even though we've probably got hours and hours of him taking a bath. He's such a sweety pie. He fell asleep around 8, so I know he's going to be waking us up. Diana fell asleep around 9, which is good because she needs it. They both fight sleep. Sometimes I get excited, and it takes a while to winde down.

William woke up again and stayed up till midnight. I let Diana sleep, until I had a bathroom emergency, and woke her up. She fed him till he fell asleep for the final time. He didn't wake up in the night, woke up at 6:30. He made noises at 5:30, and Diana checked on him, but he stayed asleep. Saturday is my one day to sleep in, unless we are at Virginia's, and I slept in till 9. Trebor said, "that's sleeping in?" I went to my mitra meeting. Alyssa and Trebor were there. We couldn't get into Jen's apartment, she locked a lock she said she wouldn't, so we went to Prospect Park. We had some nice talk and walking.

Poor Diana couldn't go out because I had the car seat with me, so I took her shopping. We went to babies r us, and Target, and got some excellent stuff for William (and us). Bubbub got tired, and fell asleep on the way home. We dropped him off at the grandparents. Now I'm going to take a disco nap until my party tonight.

127. Bub Bub

William slept for 90 minutes, and woke up sweetly as Amaradeva called me. He seemed in a good mood, but I wanted to take him over to his Abuela's so he could hang out with her for a little on his half birthday. I did not want to give him up, but I'll see him all evening so it's no big deal. I spent the time figuring out what photos I want to backup and upload onto snapfish.

Diana worked late, she had a workshop to do, then she stayed to do some other work. I picked up William. The Philippine gentleman who lives on our floor, who says, "hello my friend," and smiles a lot, was outside. He asked William's name, and it turns out he's William too. He said he looks like me, then he said he looks like Diana. At home he grabbed, played, drank milk, and went to sleep. He woke up and after a while I put him on the bed for his 4 front to back roll over. Just as he stopped moving, Diana arrived. She was upset she missed the roll, and she wouldn't let him fuss so he would do it.

I didn't drink coffee today, and it wasn't so bad. Just one less distraction away from William. I've been calling William "Bubub" pronounced /bub bub/. Don't know why, but I like it. I also call him Wquack Wquack, like the guy who is the eye doctor in Minority Report. I did a little drizzle rap, as I took him over to Abuela's on Friday, because it was drizzling. I talk a patter to him, "here were are at the ATM, here is a envelope to hold," which he puts onto his mouth and flaps around, drops it, and later it is replaced by a pamphlet at the library.

Virginia came over. I was meditating, and I stopped when she came over. I've become someone who stops meditating. Friday I started, but decided I was just too tired. Virginia played with William, held him, admired his size. We all went to bed eventually, not the same one. Then Virginia got a call. I took Virginia to meet up with her friends. I was not asleep, and had to read some to go to bed. William would not go to sleep before Diana had to leave, so I had to get up at the brutal hour of 6:45. I guess it's histrionic to always say, "this is the most tired I've ever been." But I felt that way this morning. I made some coffee, but that does not work enough any more when I'm tired.

We had our usual morning routine, play, holding and feeding. He would not turn over for the camera. He cried, and then fell asleep, and slept for 45 minutes at 9. When he woke up later, I took him for a walk down Main Street. Lots of kosher stores, and I feel foreign. I ended up at the library and got some books. Trying to save money by reading library books. At the grocery store, an old guy said to me, "I see you have the boss with you." He's obviously had children.

126. 6 months roll

When I got home, William was in the bath. He's so cute, splashing and putting his toys in his mouth. He looks so cute and vulnerable when he's wet, somehow. He likes to play in the bath now, sitting up, instead of laying back and sucking on his fingers. I finished the disk of photos, but when I tried to make a web site, they said the photos were not jpg, even though they were. So no new web site due to technical difficulties.

William took a long nap, so when I got back from my meeting with Vajramati and Trebor, Diana wanted to go to bed after a while. She's so tired. So I stayed up with William, who does not stay up much past his mom's going to bed. But he woke up a few hours later.

He's not liking sitting with his toys, he arches his back. So I put him on the bed and then put him on his stomach, and he turned over that way for the first time. I got quite excited and looked all over the house for a new toy, but we don't have one, so I'll have to get one later. He looked at the book Di got him, which he still likes, because it is flexible. He likes things that he can manipulate and put into his mouth. I'm afraid he's bored with all the toys we have. I put him under the gym and he did that for a while, but got tired of it too.

I fed him oatmeal with apple and formula mixed in, as a half birthday treat. He's 6 months old today. Then when he got fussy, I walked him till he fell asleep. I show him the map of America. I want to put up the map of the world. We have a map of the western hemisphere, so he can look at that. But I want the whole world.

125. Tired, smelly

I've never been that tired in the morning when William woke up. He woke up early too, 7. I let him hang out in the crib for an extra 15 minutes until he woke me up again with a cry. He get heavy when I'm tired. He's also extra fussy, he seems to understand I'm not at my best and gives me a run for the money.

Yesterday was wonderful. I was with him all day except for 90 minutes when I went out. In the morning and afternoon. Diana came home and shared him with me. We went out again later, and got home late. He woke me up at 2:30 too, and I fed him some milk. He was thrashing and kept waking up every time I yawned and I was yawning quite a bit. Diana sensed my desperation, in part because I laid down in bed with him, and fed him, and soothed him. He fell back asleep. But he didn't wake up when she woke up in the morning and thus that is probably why he only slept till 7.

Of course he would not sit with his toys, and had to be entertained. I held him and walked a lot, and finally he went to bed again at 9, and napped for 45 minutes. But again, it was a cruel and hard awakening, even with his cute smiling face. Of course his cute and smiling face cures all. He's such a sweety, I can't be mad at him, but I say to myself, "I can imagine when people get angry at children because of their own anger." I have a lot more sympathy for other parents now.

Last night John said William looks like Diana. Some say me, some say Diana, some say himself. Even the guys thought he was cute. They were a little confused to see a little one at guys night watching sports. They would swear and talk dirty, and then say, "sorry William," as if he could absorb what they were saying.

Luckily we have Abuela. I took William over to his grandmother's. She's got him from 10-3, when Diana get there. Walking away I had a pang, I was going to miss him. He's so alive. I'll take this chance to take a shower and nap.

124. Boston Loss

When I came home from therapy, William was asleep. He's so cute when he sleeps. Diana was holding him. She holds him really sweetly. After a while she put him on the couch. I cooked dinner. William did a little poopie. He was scatting, he's vocalizing in more complex ways. Today he was sucking his thumb a little. Mostly he sucks his fingers, he does not focus on any one configuration. He goes for the finger or thumb closest at hand.

I took William over to Ray and John's to watch the ball game with Paul. He was pretty well behaved, but he started to get tired, and fussed. I had to walk him a lot. And then when the Sox got the game to 7-8, there was lots of yelling and he started crying. He was pretty stressed out by all the noise, but he was also interested in all the goings on. I've always hassled Diana about her family parties, but I took him to a loud event. John brought out some stuffed animals, and he calmed down but then started crying again. He could not fall asleep until we were in the car. And then he was out. He slept all the way inside, which is unusual for him, he usually wakes up when the car ride is over and I get him out. He was a tired boy. I'd better go to bed too.

William has been held by: Me, Diana, Virginia, Abuela, Abuelo, Aida, Natasia, Victor, Harry, Victor's old girlfriend, Angie, Venus, Veronica, Eric, Diego, Alba, Judy, Jimmy, Paquita, Jessica, little Jessica, Joseph, Jacky, Szolt, Bacha, Angel, Cecho, Jessica, Zane, Bridget, Grandma Parks, Grandpa Parks, Grandma Bell, David, Nancy, Benjamine, Whitney, Gretchen, Josh, Bobby, Ginger, Di, Wes, Charles, Laurane, Will, Bart, Kathy, Rich, Sita, Vajramati, Andrew, Cliff, Vava, Michael, Josephine, Jen, Ashley, Alex, Hector, Virginia's Alex, her husband, Paul, Lauren, Liz, the woman upstairs from El Salvador and tonight John. There are many more, I'm sure I've left someone out.

123. Crinkly Rattle Socks

William's scab by his eye has shrunken to a dot. He heals like a Terminator. He fell asleep, after a battle against it at 10:20. He was thrashing, yelling, and finally fell asleep. He woke up at noon, that's a good nap. But I still woke up tired. He played on the couch for a little while, while I snoozed. He didn't let me snooze long before he was arching his back. I fed him sweet potato for lunch and then bananas second. We played some, and he watched me eat, and then I took him for a walk. He fussed when I was putting some warm clothes on. I keep the sun out of his eyes, and we walked around the neighborhood some. When we got home, undressed, and settled in, I turned on the TV. He grabbed the remote, and I changed the channel to a kids channel. There was a cartoon with cute little songs, and I saw William laugh at the TV. But soon he was fussing and I fed him and he fell asleep. I put him down and he woke up, so I rocked him back to sleep. He slept for about 30 minutes. I put the crinkly rattle socks on him and he played with his feet until his mother got home. William really likes the book his great aunt Di gave him.

122. Leaves changing

The leaves are changing. This is William's first fall. I'm not sure he has a concept of season. In fact, I imagine you'd have to experience a few of them first before you got it. He feels the cold air, the more bulky clothing.

Virginia is going away next weekend. I miss her. She said, "what about my mother, Aida..." For some reason I see the weekends as Virginia time. I know I lean on her a bit much, but I really appreciate her efforts, and her love of William. I hope she has a good vacation, she deserves it. I'm going to go to a party Saturday night, and I'm going to drop of Diana at Aida's. Diana's class on Sunday, which is 8-4, is near Aida's place. Aida doesn't mind taking care of William for a little bit in the morning too. I think, I haven't actually spoken to her about it. She's pretty nice about taking care of William. Natasia likes him too. She's such a sweaty, I feel bad that I can't really spend as much time with her as I used to, because of William. She's growing up. If William ends up being an "unico" an only child, he will have many cousins, which is good: Natasia, Robyn, AJ, Venus, Emma, Nicole, Joseph, Brian, plus out of town Braxton in Georgia and Alex in Minnesota. Brian is technically an uncle, but he's in that age group. There will undoubtedly be more. Just like when I went to Will's soccer game, the coach asked me if I was Will's father. Nope, cousin.

William rocks his head sometimes. Last night he knocked his head against the chair, and cried some. It really upset me, but William was OK. Diana thought it was funny and inevitable.

Last night William went to bed early. But he woke up early in the morning. Diana got up with him at 4:50. William woke up at 6:30 when Diana was about to leave, so I drove her to school. She has a lot of work to do, and she got upset last night when I was not more accommodating. I have a habit of giving William to her when she is around. I need to break that, and understand that it's hard for her to do the work and ignore William. We also need to keep the house cleaner for him.

Diana was also upset because her grandfather who took care of her from the time her mother came to America, before she was 1, to the time she came to America at age 5, died 15 years ago, Oct. 11th.

This morning William would not let me keep the spoon, which slows down feeding considerably. William is getting more grabby. He holds his arms to try to get what he wants. He's also into arching his back, to get what he wants. If he's tired of sitting and wants to be held, he arches his back. If he wants to be walked, or whatever, all he has to do is arch his back to voice his displeasure.

Bridget just sent some nice pictures of Alex, Morris' daughter. Very cute.

121. Unemployed?

I marvel at William trying to grab hold of water. He's still figuring it out. We gave him a bath last night, and then Diana went to bed. William went to bed soon after. Diana got up at a very early hour and left for her class. William woke up around 9. I actually woke up before him and snoozed until he started waking up. He let out a cry and went back to sleep and gradually woke up. It's like he's giving me some time to get ready to get him. We hung out for a little while until Virginia came. Virginia just left with him, taking him to church. There's mass and then right after is Nicole's baptism. I'll pick Diana up from her class, and go over to the party later. Diana left me with the task of getting a savings bond for Nicole. We had a hard time finding an outfit for William. All his pants are too tight. We don't have so many non pajama long sleeved outfits. He's such a growing boy, we need to go shopping for outfits. Virginia bought him a beautiful snow suit for winter. She's generous with material gifts, effort and time. There are so many people that help out.

I curled up on the couch and watched the first half of the Giants game. Then I picked up Diana, and went to Nicole's baptism party. It was a good party, though I'm an old fuddy duddy, and I don't like loud music. William picked at the scab near his eye, and made it bigger. I slept with him for a little in the front room, which was the quietest space, until till the kids relinquished the TV, and then I watched the Jets game. William was passed around. Paquita, Jimmy and Veronica seem to enjoy William. I watched the game with Bill, and a guy who has an Ecuadorian wife that I've never met, or don't remember, who was nice.

Towards the exciting end of the game, they called me into the bedroom, they said William was almost turning over. On his chest, he pushes hard with his legs and puts his butt up into the air, but he does not yet get his arms, and thus can not turn over from that side yet. Diana, Aida and Virginia were amazed, but I've seen it before, and they blasted me for not telling Diana about this development. Sticking his butt up in the air. He did do it higher than I've ever seen it before, and is getting closer and closer to turning over that way. We don't really put him like that much. I do occasionally, but I prefer to sit him, which he's gotten better and better at staying in the position.

William eventually fell into a deep sleep, and Diana decided he was tired and needed to go home. I'm mum about that, because I think these parties are too much for him, but Diana does not. She says I'm projecting and I can't prove her wrong.

William slept on the way home, but woke up when we got home. He finally went to bed around 11, and Diana went to bed too. I went to bed a little later.

I woke up first at 3, but Diana insisted on feeding him. I went back to bed. He woke up later, and Diana jumped up again, so I sept in. I slept till 10, and it was wonderful. I got up and had some coffee and got the paper. But quickly Diana decided I had to hold William and we hung out for a while, while Diana got ready to go to her mother's. I've been lounging around since then, alone. I've got to look for jobs. I've been a bit slack since my 2 interviews. I really like spending time with William. It's overwhelming not working, with him, and I wonder how we're going to cope when I get a job.

William seemed especially full of energy this morning and kept grabbing things, my glasses, my hair, at pictures as I was walking him. He refused to let me put him down. Diana fed him a lot of oatmeal for breakfast and I'm going to have to maybe feed him more. He didn't eat anything but milk yesterday, because of Diana being gone, my exhaustion, the baptism and the party.

My mother sent me an anxiety-about-my-unemployment e-mail that got under my skin a little bit. She's a poster adult for the protestant work ethic. When I took unemployment she said I was the first one in the family to do so. I think she's wrong, and I'm not ashamed about it. I think working in the home is important work too.

120. Mob Boss

I woke up yesterday singing "fuzzy and blue". Paquita and Jimmy took William to Central Park. It was a beautiful day. They're the first ones to take William to Central Park. Saturday, William woke up at 7:30, and then went back to sleep around 9 and slept till noon. Little guy never does that for me, did it for Diana.

I swear he said, "mob boss" when I was holding him. He was talking and that woke Diana up. I got to meditate. When I got home from my dharma study, I took him for a walk and he fell asleep, so I turned around. When I took him out of the carriage, he woke up. I took a nap, and when I woke up, he was waking up from his nap. Diana is giving him a bath right now, I'd better help her.

119. Tired dad

I'm tired. William went to bed at midnight. Diana has gotten over giving up William, so I get to ride on into the night with him. I'm glad she's getting some sleep. He woke up at 3. He woke me up at 7. Usually it's between 7-8, but yesterday it was after 8, so he spoiled me some. Luckily I have my in-laws. I'm so tired right now, I wasn't really into taking care of William. Is that horrible? I don't think so, I feel lucky that he can be with so many people who have energy. Paquita was supposed to be coming over.

That gave me time to have some breakfast. I understand why it's a good thing not to be hungry right away in the morning. I made another web site with 4 photos of William. Here's the latest site: http://www.geocities.com/pinchmitra/photopagespiral9.html. Copy and paste into your browser, without the period at the end of the sentence. Replace the 9 with 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 and go into the past. It was cold a few days ago, and I had to bundle him up for the walk outside.

William slept a bit when Diana came home last night, we even though he might be going to bed for good around 7:30. But alas, at 11 he was wide awake and thrashing away. He spent most of the day with me, so he kept looking at me. I love it when he looks at me. But when I hold him, he looks at Diana, so he just looks at other people.

At 3 he did not drink much, no more than maybe an ounce and a half, and then fell back asleep. But of course when you put him in the crib he thrashes for a while.

He woke up at 7, bright eyed and bushy tailed. He sat for a while and played with his toys. He fell over, and I didn't notice for a little while because I was reading the sports page. I always feel so terrible when that happens, but he's not hurt, he doesn't cry. He's sort of into it, I think sometimes. He likes to lay on his side. I put his stuffed dog there, so he has something soft to land on.

I put the paper down and attended to him. He took a nap, as I was watching Logan's Run. My scifi friends love that movie. He woke up 30 minutes later and I fed him oatmeal. He proceeded to put it everywhere. I cleaned him up and played with him on the bed. He likes to be tossed around a little bit, that makes him laugh. I wiggle his butt from side to side, his legs go back and forth. I try to give him variety and mix things up. But being tired, I didn't feel so creative. So when Diana's parents called, saying they were ready for him, I was relieved. Plus I like the walk over. It's another beautiful day. Time to take a nap though and recharge for this afternoon. Again the link is: http://www.geocities.com/pinchmitra/photopagespiral9.html

118. Bach

I went in to check on him, even though he was quiet in his swing. He looked at me, and held up his arms. "Take me dad." So I did. I walked him, had a little photo shoot, laid him on the bed, and then when he would fuss no matter what, I began the sleep walk. He made his new little high pitched whine. I walked him some but he still fussed, so I gave him a bottle, and he sucked it down and fell asleep.

He woke up 30 minutes later, and snoozed in my arms for another 5 minutes. We had some lunch: sweet potatoes and peaches. I got hungry, so I made myself some lunch, and he played quietly for a while and let me. We watched the Baby Einstein DVD of Bach. Usually he dislikes it after 10 minutes, but I sat near him and looked at him, so he made it all the way through the DVD. I wonder how much of ADD is from inattentive parents? We had a lovely afternoon filled with smiles and joy. Then his grandfather called, and I took him over. I have a job interview which I should be getting ready for. Wish me luck!

117. Coupon Book

Diana took a nap. She fell asleep sitting in her chair. Then she went into the bedroom. William slept for a lot of the time, and then drank a bottle and napped some more. When he woke up I changed his diaper and he sat and played with his toys. Then we started to watch Top Hat. Diana woke up and fed him and tended to his needs. But she quickly got tired again, bless her, and despite her desire to spend as much time as she can with William, she went to bed. William hung out with me, as we watched the evil empire win game 2, and then we watched Family Guy. He fell asleep, but not before he had a lot of fun with a coupon booklet from BJ's.

He woke up at 3:45. I went to the bathroom. I checked the TV because I thought I heard ringing. When I went back to bed Diana said he was awake. You could hear him moving. But he wasn't crying. I said, "feed him anyway?" She said yes and went back to sleep. He did not eat much more than 2 oz, and fell back asleep. But it was the kind of light sleep he awakes from when you put him back in bed. He was not fully cooked, so I enjoyed some more time looking at his cute visage while he slept on my lap. In a way, waking up in the night with him is a gift. He's so cuddly and cute when he's asleep.

Thinking evolutionary, I think my spending so much time with him, tending to him, developing feelings about his cuteness, has helped us bond. His smile rebounds with my smile and back and forth. Virginia says it's nice to see us bonding. As my father says, I'm not sure how much he's going to remember, but I am bonding with him. I could go on and on about how sweet, cute, precious, and adorable he is, but I'm trying to give that feeling just by writing about things.

Like now he's in his swing in his room. When I lay down on the floor, I go in and out of his sight range. He doesn't like that so he leans forward. He likes to be able to see me all the time. What a sweaty.

I fed him breakfast at 9, avoiding the whole nap or feed debate from yesterday. He played with his toys, and I held him and he went into all kinds of different positions and I made him laugh by rocking him from side to side. He enjoyed the BJ's coupon booklet some more. I've created a William iTunes file that has a variety of classic songs and different kinds of songs I want him to hear, including a mix of children's songs. I start the day with it on, and see where it takes us. I sent out the photo of the day.

I've been reading other blogs, and writing comments in them, because I want comments in mine, and you have to sign up with Blogger to make comments. Lisa Marie wrote some comments. She's an English graduate student in Madison Wisconsin. I like her blog site, you can go too: http://romanticcircussongs.blogspot.com/.

116. Resisting Sleep

William makes a high pitched whine when when he's tired now. Recently when he's been sleeping, he cries out a little, and then goes back to sleep. Today he woke up enamored of his hands, fingers and wrist. He woke up at 4. He wasn't too loud, Diana suggests that I don't pick him up right away. But I was awake. I fed him, and he still had his eyes open. So I walked him around some and he finally fell asleep. I put him in the bed, and he woke up right away. Since it was getting close to 5, Diana woke up and fed him some. She laid him down next to me, and he woke up later at 7:30. I watched him play with his toys and walked him, fed him, changed him. I went down and got the paper, but didn't read much. I wanted to look at him. He was very smiley, and sweet. I wanted to feed him breakfast, but I thought he was close to sleep. I ended up walking him for 30 minutes, for a 30 minute nap. He was cranky and fussed, it really wasn't worth the nap, because he resisted. I think I need to resist sleep more, I've been sleeping a lot lately, a lot in the post William context. Not so much in the pre William context. Diana resists sleep, and goes down quickly when she finally gets into bed. I took him over to his grandmother's. He seemed to like the walk. It's not as cold as yesterday. Giving him up is so bittersweet. I've never been more stressed out in my life taking care of him, but it's also been the most wonderful thing. I guess like many things, it's mixed. I hate to give him up, I feel like I'm abandoning him.

115. Paquita

William was very upset before he fell asleep and he's slept 2 hours at 11 this morning, with one wake up and a little milk before he fell back asleep. He's squawked a few times, but went back to bed.

He woke up around 5 this morning and Diana took care of him. Then she put him down by me, and he woke up around 7. I drove Diana to work. He woke up so I didn't mind driving her, but I was confused about how she got behind in time, she said she was washing bottles, but most of the bottles were washed yesterday, I'm not sure how she got off track that way. It's neither here nor there, I'm happy to give her a lift when he's awake.

He was OK coming home, and woke up when we got home. I played with him, and took him for a little walk. It's cold out, so I didn't keep him outside too long. I fed him his oatmeal breakfast around 9:30. We're making that breakfast time. I'll gradually move that down to 9. And I had to walk him a little while with some howling.

Yesterday he woke up around 4:30 in the morning, and I had the hardest time getting up, even though I went to bed at 8. Diana was so asleep that she couldn't wake up and say, "I'll get him," though she wanted to since it was close to 5. She took the bus to work on Monday. I had William all day, but Paquita came over. There was a mix up about us needing help. She took him for a long walk, and I took a few naps and read. People are always waking me up with phone calls. Diana's parents have a chicken in our freezer. Theirs is full.

Sunday night Diana had a hard time giving William up to his crib. Josephine wanted her bassinet back. She's about to give birth and is nesting. So now William is in his room, not our room. He's actually closer to me now, my side of the bed to his crib is a shorter walk than it was around the bed to her side. But for Diana there's a huge distance, that represents his growing up. That's also why she doesn't want him to get a hair cut, his first hair cut. She's aware of it and working with it. I respect her feeling.

Her father just came now to pick it up, Diana put it in the sink to unthaw. Diana's mother called 3 times while we were sleeping. I'm in a kind of cranky mood. Seems William picks up on the cranky mood, and does the inverse of what would help, and that's being fussy. Di said that children pick up on your mood and mirror it. I also found out Diana is going to be at her class from 8-4 on Sunday, so my 5 day week has become a 6 day week. Of course weekends and evenings I do a lot with William. And I do have Diana's mom, Alex, Paquita, Virginia and Aida. I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle going back to work. It's like you can't just go to work when it's your son. He demands attention, I notice how he coughs or drops things to stay in contact with me at all times. I'm a little tired from the meditation day I had on Sunday. Lots of good meditation, some break troughs.

He's getting bigger. The car seat is tight for him all bundled up with cold weather clothing. Diana says we'll have to see if anyone has a car seat before we buy a brand new one.

I got to see the pictures from his bath. They took the little thing out that he sits on, and just let him sit in the little tub, which supposedly he liked. He splashed a lot. There were a couple good pictures of that.

I walked over, and Diana's mother arrived in the car, and walked him the rest of the way. She says Paquita is coming over. Paquita takes care of Elizabeth's children. She's an expert baby tender. I tried to learn from watching her a little. She's very sweet.

114. Lost My String

My string from the Buddhist naming ceremony fell off. Only Diana, Virginia and Vava still have it.

I spent Friday with William. It was wonderful. And his looking at me a lot, seeming to feel comfortable in my arms, felt really good. I got more comfortable at feeding him. It was a good day.

Friday I woke William up 5 times. To go to pick Diana up from work. To go into Diana's school. To go to Will's game. In Di's apartment. To go into Virginia's house.

Will's game was good, Will is a good soccer player. Di came, and then we went to her place for dinner. She doted on William, which is nice. Bart fed him some formula. Di gave him a nice book, which he tried to put into his mouth.

I called Rich and my Grandmother Bell on my ride to my mitra meeting. Talking about William has brought me closer to others in the family. I told Jen and Alyssa about William too.

I reconnected with William at the hair salon where Virginia was becoming a metal head. She was getting her hair streaked, and they use tin foil. Diana balked at giving William a hair cut, though she said, "do you have the video camera?" which means she was thinking about it. But my not having it cinched it--no hair cut. His locks will continue to go into his eyes.

I brought him home, and I fed him carrots and apple sauce. I don't think he was so hungry. He always grabs the spoon, which makes it more difficult. He spread the carrots all over his face and hands, and shirt.

We played together, and the usual stuff. I watched the end of Waking Life, and then saw a talk by Malcom Gladwell, about his new book Blink that's coming out in January. Then William fell asleep. We have Jessica's sweet 16 party tonight, I'm worried about William's little ears, they tend to play the music really loud at these things.

113. Snuzzler

William was entranced by the iTunes visualizer. He was tired, so he began to cry and immediately fell asleep. But he liked it like I thought he would. He also got entranced by a wet cloth, I used to clean his face.

Diana was mad about the lack of car seat for 3 blocks. I should have said something then. We need to provide a united front.

The Snuzzler is some stuff, that makes his rides in his stroller more cosy. They've got all kinds of products. I see they have a diaper that keeps the moisture close, so kids feel when they go to the bathroom.

I decided to keep William today, no sharing with Abuela, and get over my fears of feeding him. It helped that he was chomping his lips. He ate some oatmeal for breakfast, and some sweet potatoes and pears for lunch. It went well.

Now I'm headed for Diana's school, to show him off. Then it's off to Wil's soccer game in the Bronx. Then it's dinner with Di and the boys. Then off to NJ or back home, I don't know yet.