183. Boxing Day

William awoke again at 7:30 while I was 9 minutes into my meditation. I let him sleep on my chest while I read Neurotic Styles by Shapiro. I got tired, and snoozed some, then went into the bed. He snuggled with Diana till 9. They both essentially slept 11 hours. Diana feels caught up with her sleep, refreshed. I went to bed, and slept till noon, which made me feel like I lost the day. I've got the post holiday excitement lassitude. Zane and Bridget are coming on Wednesday, so that's something to look forward to. I played with him on the ground, and Diana came in and out. She fed him egg yokes (he can't eat egg whites until 1 year) which he was not into. He wanted what I was eating. We put on the Celine Dion CD that celebrates child birth. I think Beautiful Boy is the best song, and that shines through despite her singing it. It's like Mel Gibson can't ruin Hamlet, because the Bard's work is so strong, it's got to leak through sometimes. I apologize to all Celine fans, I hope you enjoy her. William fell asleep, and Diana decided not to go shopping, and just stay at home and relax. We got to talk a little bit. I get an update on all the dramas of yesterday that I was not privy to.

182. Toys!

William got a toy that you hammer balls down and they go back and forth. He got some cars that you can rev up and they go. He got some clothes and a big kind of thing he can ride or walk with. He got a coat he's going to be able to wear at least till next year. Virginia, among other things, gave us a new diaper bag, and we were surprised to find it full of little goodies. Harry gave him a drum because I said I was afraid of the noise making drum. They also gave him some cool clothes and a roll thing, that he can play with and use to crawl and walk. And some great clothes. Great Grandma and Grandpa Parks gave him a great outfit. Celeste, Steve and Kattie gave him a great guy on strings and a children's spoons and fork. Many great gifts, they're hard to remember them all. We still need to pick some packages up from the post office.

At Abuela's place this morning, Harry, Angie, AJ and Emma were there. Harry had to go off to work. AJ was struggling to share his toys, he's 4 years old. Emma sat on my lap for a good long time, playing. I came home to take a nap. When I went back, Aida and Natasia were there. At first Aida was just in the bedroom, but she came out into the room Angie was in. They would not refer to each other, but they stayed in the same room for a long time. Poor Aida has a cold. I went home for another nap, and then took Aida and Natasia home. Paquita, Jimmy, Checho, Angle, and Jessica were there when I came back. Checho keeps asking me for photos, but I can never get her address. I gave her a sheet of paper, and said, "write down your address," and she never gave it back to me. Then later, Diana's godparents came over, Hector's parents, Senora Jenny and Senor Ugo. Diana's parents got dressed up and went out to a party.

There was a party downstairs, you could hear the karaoke machine and the people singing. I said, "should I go down and tell them we have a baby sleeping?" Diana said, "it's not bothering him." William fell asleep with Diana on the couch, while I was watching The Life and Death of Peter Sellers. An interesting, well done movie, but I only had patience for an hour of it. Diana moved into the bedroom, and I took William into his crib. Diana slept in her clothes.

She just woke up briefly and said, "I'm sleeping in my clothes!" and fell back asleep. William woke up at 6. I just woke up from an intense dream, too disorganized to clearly convey here. I fed him a bottle, changed his diaper, gave him a little more bottle, and then slept with him on my chest. When I put him in the crib, that's when Diana woke up briefly.

181. Christmas Eve

I heard a yelp, and movement. I went into the bedroom, and I found William hanging face down off the bed, and Diana holding onto his feet. Turns out she put him in the middle of the bed, and she bent down to get something. When she looked up, she saw William leaping for the edge. Diana got very upset, and I took William away, and brought him back when she was better. She was very frightened about what might have happened. I thought it was funny once I knew he was safe.

Thursday night we went to New Jersey. William started crying hard when we were almost there. I got to go to bed, and I hated to run to work, and say goodbye to my sonny boy, sweet cheeks. Diana was out shopping all day Friday.

I got home Friday night and took a 4 hour nap. I was so tired. Diana called me to help transport Aida to the Bronx, but I declined. I had to get some sleep.

Christmas eve this year was with Robyn and Victor, Virginia, Abuela and Abuelo, Diana, William and me. I haven't seen Robyn in ages. Today we opened some presents and we're going over to Diana's parents. I'm going to take Virginia to the airport now. She's going to the Dominican Republic.

180. Sweet Cheeks

Yesterday was winter solstice. William had a long and exciting day. He came home from his grandmother's very excited, alive. I gave him a bath, which was rough because he's outgrown our little tub in the kitchen routine, and he was full of energy, splashing all over the place. Diana went out holiday shopping. I spent some quality time with William, no distractions, no TV, no radio. He was a bit manic for a while, but he calmed down and almost fell asleep, but the bottle ran out, and he woke up. I video taped him some, and let him move around me. I like putting him on my chest and him trying to find his balance to stand without holding. He's getting so big. He pooped for me. He enjoys opening and closing things, like my armoire and the freezer. I'm not sure what kind of mojo Abuelo and Abuela give him, but it was good stuff, and it was good to see William thrashing and crashing around. We watched a little ballet on TV when I got tired, and luckily Diana was not too late, and I got to bed. I slept past my meditation window. Now I have to wake him up, change his diaper, feed him a little, and take him to Abuela's. Wish I had a week off like Diana, and could spend that time with Sweet Cheeks.

There was an interesting article in the Times on 12/22/04 about stay at home fathers. It's pretty rare, but in America that means there's 1.7 million of them. Unfortunately I only had 6 months as a stay at home father, but put another way, I was quite lucky to have William and time for 6 months. I will always treasure that time.

179. Took in a show

I've seen little of my boy. Last night I came home wiped out. KayLa was here and she watched William while Diana napped and I read and did dishes. I drove her home and then William was asleep. I got up meditated, and drove Diana to work, and then dropped William off at his Abuela's. He slept mostly in the car. And now I'm home and Diana is not home yet from her parents. Abuela says she saw him crawling, that he has another tooth coming in, and that at Natasia's recital today, he was clapping, and got very excited when he saw her on stage. Apparently he likes to play with boys. He's going to be a boy's boy, I think. He was so cute today, I hated handing him over to Abuela. I'm glad she took him out, sounds like he had a good day. Diana said they indulge him, he's been wrecking their house and they and he love it, turning over plates of rice, and whatnot. I bet he sleeps well tonight, with all the excitement. I really wish him to have a rich life.

178. Tree

I got a Christmas tree. It's so cold out here in NYC, especially when the sun is down. Tomorrow is winter solstice. Days get longer after tomorrow, but for some reason the weather gets worse for a while, there's more to it than the sun. We got a little snow yesterday, but William is not yet old enough to enjoy it. All my clients stay inside, I can't really blame them. Somehow we found time in the evening to put the tree up, but not yet decorate it.

I asked Diana, "you want to go to bed?" She said, "no, you go to bed." So I went to bed. I was awoken at 1:30 by his cries. Diana was sleeping next to me. I got up, gave him a bottle. He fell asleep. I put him in the crib and he slept.

This morning, Diana says she put him to bed at 1:30, and he slept for 5 minutes and then woke up. By then she was long gone to sleep. Poor dear, she's only had 5 hours sleep.

Sunday was really nice with William. Saturday I'm a bit conflicted with him, I'm thinking, "I've got him all Sunday." But when Sunday rolled around, he slept late and took a long nap. I think one key is getting a break, not always being on. Diana let me go to bed early. I said, "don't you want me to help you?" She said to me laying in bed, "like you are now..." William got up at 3:30, and was up till 4:15. I let him sleep on my chest, and then I rolled him onto his side and back, and he woke up at 4:30. Diana got up with him despite my protests. I really think she should take the day off, or at least go in late. I can't take a day off till February, and as it is, I'm yawning like crazy with the clients, which is bad technique, but they say that they don't mind, they understand.

It's no exaggeration to say we look forward to the days when he goes to bed at a reasonable time, and does not wake up in the night.

177. Pastina

Diana read the blog. She says her carpool friends bought her Pastina not Furina, little pasta.

William took a nap on me while I watched The Big Lebowsky. He's been a bit cranky, well fed and changed, but fussy.

176. Bread Puke

William just upchucked the bread he was sucking on. He fusses until you give him something, when we're eating. He's very oral, he wants to mash things in his hands, and sample them in his mouth. But maybe he ate too much, or he's not ready yet for bread that way, and he puked it on my sweater.

Virginia slept with William last night. I told Diana to go to bed, and she actually took my offer. Virginia got home from her office party around midnight. William stayed up till 1. Virginia reports William woke up at 5, and drank the bottle, and got a diaper change at 7:30. I picked him up around 9, and gave him to Diana to breast feed.

Last night he was a bit hypomanic in the night. When we first got here, he rolled around a lot, maybe 5 feet in distance. When Virginia got home, he was more clingy, but flappy and vocal. She's impressed by how active and mobile he is.

175. Tooth!

I felt William's tooth on the bottom. He's cut his first tooth. Diana said, "maybe that's why he wakes up in the night." Diana said she felt it yesterday. Her mother felt one on the top the other day, but I don't feel one up there.

He seems to be very cute, but he threw a fit when I moved him away from the computer to take a bath. Diana is exhausted, she's the one who got up in the night with him last night. I felt good today, I awoke in a good mood. I wondered why. Because I got a good night sleep. Sleep really does make difference in how your day goes, I will henceforth have more sympathy for people with insomnia.

It is a blessing that the women's car pool includes Diana, driving her home. They found some Farina that doesn't have any eggs in it, because he can't have the whites till 1 year old.

He has a tooth, he has a tooth!

174. 8 Months!

The Monday crunch occurred again. Diana has to stay at school till 4:30, and Diana's mother has to go to work at 4. So we called up Veronica, who is a cousin of Diana's. She's an accounting student, who is hard working and sweet. She's going to come over and take care of William. Hooray Veronica.

I had a lovely morning with William, reading and playing in bed when he woke up. Getting out of the house with everything proved to be more difficult.

He's got such a lovely smile for me when I come home. He wants to look at me, and won't finish breast feeding. We played on the carpet for a while, and Diana joined us. She fed William. Now she's showering with him. He was afraid because Diana was towering over him. When he was done, I rubbed lotion on him, and began to dress him. Diana put him in the crib and he stood up on his own and hung onto the side. I got the video camera and he did it again. He fell asleep during Everybody Loves Raymond, while she breast fed him, and Diana clipped his nails.

Great Grandma and Grandpa Parks sent William some presents. Now we need to get a tree so we can put them under.

Tuesday KayLa was mother's little helper. Diana went out to get stuff for an experiment tomorrow.

173. Out

William woke up and was cranky. His clogged nose was bothering him. Diana extracted a huge booger. I dropped Diana off at her class, and took William to Cliff and Vava's. I hung out there with William till about 3. We looked at Cliff's cool computer program that has satellite pictures of the world, looking at Bittersweet Place, Virginia's place was not up yet in NJ, Chicago... William wanted to join in, but was distracted by a keyboard Cliff brought over. Cliff gets very nervous about potential dangers of things. He also played my blog in a robot voice. We listen to Steely Dan, Bjork and Janis Joplin. Vava did some work. When William fell asleep, we played chess. It was good to see them, and I'll probably go over there next week for the last day of class for Diana.

Then it was off to Aida, KayLa and Natasia's. I promised Natasia I would bring him over, she was upset to only have him at the mall last night, and not at home. Diana was there too, she'd gone from class early, sick. Might have been the old salsa I gave her last night. Opse. I took a wee nap. Diana woke me up because she wanted to get to her mother's.

Then it was off to Abuela and Abuelo's, where Senora Jenny and Senor Zambrano were. Also Victor and his girlfriend Veronica (they're back together!). Virginia got there just when we got there. She was trying to drag in his play pen, which Abuela is going to use. I watched the demise of the Jets against Blitzburg, and came home to read and write the blog.

171. Stomach again

Friday night, Diana and William took a nap. William woke up. I hung out with him. I snacked on some chicken. He cried till I gave him some to chew on. He didn't eat any, but he chewed on it. Same when I had some pita and hummus. I gave him pita. He insists on partaking with what ever I eat. I don't think it's bad for him, because he just chews on whatever for a while, mashes it, and gradually he loses it. It's messy, but I think it's OK. Diana worries about the oil it's cooked in.

William went to bed at 1 after a few false starts. He woke up at 4, and not drink much milk, but I think appreciated the change of a soaked diaper. He woke again at 8:25, and we hung out a little. I was getting a tissue from the room to blow my nose, and that woke Diana up. William was finishing up playing with his breakfast oatmeal.

I offered to make Diana breakfast. I want to try and spoil her today, because she's got a paper to write, and that's going to be difficult for her. But the eggs said, "best by Oct. 21" So we loaded William into the backpack, and I took him grocery shopping with me. He likes getting out, and it's easy to put him in the backpack now. I'm not so worried about him breaking too.

We put William on the ground, and he was dancing when I put some music on. He rocks back and forth. I used to dance a lot in front of him, when he was little, because he liked it.

Aida came over, and they all went out to look at places. It would be a blessing if they lived close, but Aida didn't like the price for the places. I took a long deep nap, and when I woke up they were packing up to go to the mall. They took William, and I just picked them up. William is knocked out, he was stimulated by all the excitement but now he's knocked out. Aida offered to take him over night, but I wanted William near.

170. Stomach

My meditation on Tuesday morning was "ruined" by fantasies of writing a book on parenting for Buddhist. Diana staggered to bed at 10:30, and said, "I need to go to bed." I watched him and enjoyed him, then got very sleep and wished very much for him to go to sleep. He got fussy, perhaps picking up on my discontent. His fussing woke his mother up, and she put him to sleep at midnight. Sweet Diana said, "at least I got an hours sleep." But in the morning she reported she was very tired. While Alex scrubbed away in the kitchen, I secretly wished she would say, "Let me take him," but she was into her scrubbing, and I did not bring up the topic myself. William slept late, and I had to wake him up and taking him to Abuela's.

William was excited as always to see me when I came home. The house was immaculate, Alex went to town on the other parts of the apartment. It's really a blessing for her to help us out this way and really clean up the apartment. And it's spurred me to keep the place cleaner, it give me hope.

I gave William a bath Tuesday night. It was sweet. I love giving him a bath. He loves splashing the water. He doesn't cry when you get water in his eyes. He's such a sweaty. It's hard not to do this vague gushing when writing about him. I know it might seem a bit boring to read, but I'm struggling to write about it in a way that conveys what happens.

William had taken to trying to ingest me. He chews on Diana's and Virginia's chin, maybe others. But he's stayed way from mine. Too much stubble. But he does it anyway, which I am flattered by, he wants to ingest me, internalize me.

We found William sleeping on his stomach in the morning. He's also shrugging his shoulders at times. He can walk with help! He's quite amazing.

Wednesday I took William over to Trebor's. Trebor was very good with William and he was kind about the mess William made during dinner. He ate some pasta and bread. When I say "ate" I think gnawed, or gummed. Vajramati thought he really grew up. I'm glad he's getting experience with my Buddhist friends. William profits much by his time with Trebor and Vajramati

Thursday morning William read the paper with me in bed. He's been doing that all week. We get into bed. I give him the section he wants (the ones I won't read) and he plays. He plays pretty well. I like our little routine.

I arrived home to find Diana, William, LayLa and Alex. It promises to be an interesting evening. Diana's mom says William is doing more and more different things.

169. Clean!

William scratched up his face a little last night. He went to bed at midnight and slept through the night. He woke up, sucked down a bottle, and I changed his soaked diaper. We played a little, and at 8 I took him over to Abuela's.

Alex slept over, she wants to clean the house to make some money because she's had trouble finding work, and we could use some cleaning. She's attacked the kitchen today, it's amazing.

William shrugs his shoulders. He's so cute. Every little thing he does is so cute. I guess other people don't think it's cute, or are not so interested in William.

Paul asked me the question, "would you be willing to learn to drive more safely?" I wanted to say no, but I had to say yes. I don't think I drive very safely, but I do drive quickly. With William in the car, I do drive safely.

Elizabeth said, "William will have the best traits of both of you." My mind went spinning, what would they be? I hope he picks up the best from us.

William ripped into the corner of his eye, right of the nose. He cries when you wipe his nose, it's sore from his cold. Diana's mother said he was clingy today, she couldn't cook, so she brought him to Alex, and she cleaned with him in the backpack. He pulled her head to the side, by pulling her hair, so he could see what she was doing.

168. Steps

William took steps when you walked him as an infant, in the doctor's office. He said it's a primitive instinct. But he's been standing, holding onto things, but not moving his legs. Diana's said she's seen a step or two. But last night while Virginia was guiding him, he took steps. It was quite amazing.

He's also sleeping on his side sometimes, he doesn't just sleep on his back all splayed out. Last night I went to bed, I couldn't finish watching Shrek 2. I woke up to see Diana put William in bed. Then she came to bed shortly. And then Virginia came in and took William. She said he woke up once in the night because he couldn't breath with all the mucus on his nose.

We were not organized enough to pack up and go home, dropping Diana off at her class, where she has a test today. So I just took Diana in, and we left William. I got back here by 9, and William was up.

Diana was studying last night, while I took care of him and watched The Last samurai. The samurai is a weird combination of some elements of Buddhism, discipline and violence, practicality. From a Buddhist point of view, you harm people. It's much better to be harmed than to harm someone else, though you should try to avoid being harmed. The last samurai could have just retired and gone off, but he chose not to. In the Korean Buddhist movie that came out recently, there's wacky seen where the "Buddhist" does a bunch of karate moves. I think "martial arts" have nothing to do with Buddhism, in my opinion. Martial arts uses meditation and is inspired by mindfulness and influenced by Buddhism, but I think it gets one point wrong--that violence is the solution, even if it's self defense. Self defense could be way before violence.

Last night, overhearing Diana talk to Alex, she said she'd caved into to all the opinions, everyone thought he should get a hair cut, and that she regrets letting us get the hair cut. I felt guilty, at railroading her. I was so caught up in my idea that he should not have hair in his eyes, that I did not see how important this is for Diana. I think William is cute, but I don't want to make his mother unhappy.

Eating has been difficult lately. Last night he flailed with his harms, hitting the spoon and the saucer the food was in, twice, making a mess. This morning I think I got more oatmeal on my shirt than I got into his mouth. He really wants to feed himself, but I'm afraid he's not coordinated enough yet to even attempt. But that's coming up close, he clearly wants to do it, and he's pretty insistent, which I do like.

His crawling is getting closer. I'm putting things out of his reach to create the tension to get to it. He moves forward, but one leg is still under him, not behind him. Sometimes he falls over on his face. He's still unstable, but he's really interested. I think his arms are strong enough, but he's having trouble coordinating his legs. His legs are strong for standing, but not so much at the angles of crawling.

He's more vocal. I know I've said it's more and more complex, but I see even more complexity, volume, and control. No words yet, but I see him getting close. He puts everything in his mouth, he slobbers over everything. I read in the What To Expect The First Year book that you need to worry more about the chemical cleaning agents on things, than things being dirty. He has had a runny nose that goes back and forth, since we've come back from Chicago.

Everything seems on the brink now, he's getting close to doing a lot more, functioning in way he hasn't yet, and that will change his consciousness drastically. He seems to be in between all this stuff, and the baby that he once was. It's gradual, these things are stages in my head, but I don't think they really exist.

167. Haircut!

Diana finally let William get a hair cut. His hair was below his nose, it was getting in his eyes. She was very conflicted, but Virginia said to do it, so she followed Virginia's advice. We went to a cute little place, and they did a good job. Diana cried and cried, and then was angry at me for a while, but she recovered by the time we'd done some shopping at Babies 'R Us. He looks different, and you can see his face. I go to put the hair out of his eyes, but there's none in his eyes. Even with the hair cut, a woman said, "how old is she?" and I had to admit to Diana that it wasn't only the hair that was throwing people off, as I maintained, but that also people are just stupid, which is what she maintained. We went to Red Lobster for lunch, and William fell asleep. We came home, and he's still sleeping. Virginia went out shopping.

Virginia helped us last night. I snuck off to bed, and got a good night sleep. Virginia went to bed, but Diana put him in bed with her, when she went to sleep. I really appreciate the one night of sleep, without worries. Virginia is very kind, and Diana is very kind for not waking me up, because she said William went to bed at 12:30. I got up and read the paper for a while, before everyone woke up, a nice treat. Maybe rested and relaxed, taken care of by Virginia, Diana had the strength to let William get a hair cut today. I really like him with shorter hair.

166 Gigi to the rescue

We're in NJ in the warm comfort of Virginia's company. We were all very glad to see her back, we missed her. Diana's mother takes care of William during the day, and it's so huge, it's hard to imagine. But it's easier to imagine that Virginia will sleep with William tonight and give us some rest. Increase our margin for error, which has shrunken to quite small. We need all the help we can get, but sleep is my favorite help. Virginia is very helpful in many other ways, but I dearly dearly miss sleep. There's a new study out on life contentment, and I think sleep was the most important thing.

We drove out, even though I need a new clutch. I'll try and get one Sunday, and will probably not get one till Monday. William and Diana slept in the car. We got here before Virginia. Surprise. She said call before we come out, but we just came out. We're so keen to be here.

Gigi thinks William has grown, she's getting all caught up on his new developments. I'm very glad she is so devoted to him.

I've just downloaded the photos from her trip onto her computer, so I can take pictures of William. She's got a good camera, and it's easier to load up from her computer, the software is better for Windows, for Snapfish. On my Mac I need to choose every picture, and on hers I can just upload what I've just downloaded onto her computer from the camera. Saves time, and her camera is better. Don't tell Diana I said that, she gets touchy, because she bought my camera, which I do love.

165. Attachment

William went to bed at 11:30 Monday night. He woke up at 3. He gave a semi-confused smile to Abuela after not seeing her for a long time. But I'm sure he remembered quickly. When I got back over there at night, William was not interested in me, he wanted to see Natasia. He prefers young children already, not his father. I was a bit taken aback by his lack of interest in me, but I have to accept what is.

I took advantage of the situation to come home and read. I read walking your child outdoors in the early months helps them to get the night day cycle. Wish I would have known that. William tends to nap from 7-8, and then stay up late. He's going to be exhausted tonight with all the hubbub.

Diana says she breast fed him at 10:30 and he konked out. When she went to put him in his snow suit, he started wailing. He slept through the night, Diana fed him at 5. I got up at 6, meditated, and drove them to work. William was happy that I held him before I left. He got upset when I left. I felt terrible. I came and visited at lunch time. He's got a cold and he keeps putting his tongue out to lick his snot. When I got home in the evening he napped, and then was weepy, wouldn't let me put him down. He's OK now. He's got a cold, seems to have gotten it after the flight home from Chicago.

164. Cute Pill

William began eating off our plates at restaurants. Then he demanded it at home, and we gave him something to put him off his big tantrum. At the airport he was agitating for something when I was eating my sandwich, and I gave him a bit of lettuce.

William fell asleep early, even though he slept a bit during the day, including much of the flight. He slept on me, and then in our bed. When I moved him to his crib he woke up and he slept on me some more. I put him into bed and he stuck the second time. But then he woke up later. He stayed up with Diana till 12:15. He woke up at 5, and I got up. Then Diana got up at 5:15, and fed him till 6.

Seems like tonight he took his cute pill. With Virginia and Abuela back, I feel much better. We all missed them terribly. I can't wait to see William smile at Abuela and Virginia. He had a big poop at Alex's. She's been so kind to take care of William.

163. Return

William slept after take off. He wiggled and reached while we waited though. The flight was pushed back 30 minutes, but that was all. He tried to grab stuff from the woman sitting next to us. He made a few girlfriends, charming women everywhere with his looks and smiles.

We had a good trip. William went to his first museum. He got to spend lots of time with his "glamma" and grandpa. I had a fantasy of getting more sleep and rest, but this is my first long weekend holiday with William and working and I think I was unrealistic. I really enjoyed the restaurants and my mother's cooking. William got some good things from his grandparents, we have a walker now, where he can walk around with support on wheels.

I was frustrated with myself for not controlling my sarcasm and sardonic comments towards my mother. It seems that old pattern of passively trying to fend her off continues. She does have her quirks. I never noticed how much she rushes around. People like that are good, they get things done. She keeps a good house and provides invaluable support. Rich on the other hand was in the moment, in tune, but not like my mother. I think they make a good team.

162. Piggle

Last night at dinner, William expected the same freedom to explore the table as he’s been having at restaurants. He threw a tantrum when Diana said, “no,” and cried.

Rich ended up getting in the bath with him. He calmed down when the water was turned off. I got to comb William’s hair and we took some pictures with Kathy and Rich. We went upstairs and they watched a movie, Captain Jack, which sounded good. William fell asleep and I put him on my chest and read some of Piggle by Winnecott. Poor little girl had a really hard time adjusting to her sister’s arrival, and had irregular treatment by Winnecott. Piggle is the name for a little child in England.

He woke up, that was his evening phantom nap. Diana fed him in the bedroom and they went to sleep. When my eye lids began to fall down I joined them. Diana switched sides in the bed, and I somehow did not have enough blankets. It was not enough of a problem for me to get up and solve. I can’t really remember my dreams. I got up at 7 with William, which is 8 EST. We’re flying back today at noon. Hope this flight is not delayed.

I put William in his walker. He played a little, and then held his arms up to be taken out. I put him down with his toys. He played until he fell over onto the whipie case, and started crying. He cried for two breaths, and then was a bit weepy, so he resisted being put back down. I brought him to Diana. Now I’m going to meditate.

161. Lemons and Carrots

William only woke up once last night. Then he woke up around 7. I got up, and meditated a little. We had 9 o’clock tickets to the Machu Pichu exhibition at the Field Museum. It was a cool exhibit, the Incans flattened their children’s foreheads when their skulls were pliable, and there was no negative effects to it. Makes me want to go there. Imagine you’re the Yale assistant professor who “discovered” it for the world. William looked at things, and wowed the ladies. He’s quite the flirt. We looked at the Native American exhibit, including a Pawnee dwelling, where we got to sit on real buffalo beds, and there were guides who talked about it.

I yearned for a life more connected to nature, before humans multiplied so much and were less in control of their environment, more worshiping it. We fed William at the café after splurging at the shop. Then we went to the Japanese and Tibetan exhibits. I found it slightly offensive, decontexualized, and I didn’t think they had to write “saint” for bodhisattva, they could just explain a bodhisattva. When we went on, I went back to look again. I felt a good connection to all the Buddhist art, the icons, etc. In the shop I bought a little tiny Buddha and posters of Manjushri and Green Tara. I lectured Rich and Diana on it some, and I could see their interest wane. William fell asleep, and woke up.

We went to an Indian restaurant for lunch, and I stuffed myself on the buffet. William threw a fit to get at Diana’s salad, and ended up with a carrot slice and a lemon wedge in his hand. We waited for the lemon wedge to really effect him, but he ended up alternating them. Carrot, lemon wedge. He’s not supposed to have citrus, but we hope it wasn’t a significant amount. It amazed everyone, lemon and carrot.

I took a long nap, very deep. William took a few short naps. They’re trying to give him a bath right now, but he’s scared of their bath.

160. Wishbone

We went to Target and got a walker for William and some other odds and ends. My mother left something in the oven with it still on, accidentally, so we rushed back home. Since it was raining, Diana and Rich canceled the trip to the zoo. We put together the walker. Unfortunately the lowest setting isn’t quite low enough, and he got tired of it pretty quickly. I got to read some and took a nap. William spent some quality time with everyone.

We went out to eat at a restaurant called Wishbone. I had the eggplant with brussel sprouts and mac and cheese. Diana had chicken. Rich had crab cakes. Mom salmon cakes. William had chicken and sweet potato and apples. He had a high chair, but he didn’t stay in it long. He didn’t really draw with the crayon. He liked to drop spoons. My mom marveled at his hand movements, told us we need to find a good Montessori school. And larger living quarters. She wants to teach everything, to talk, to crawl, to play the piano. We played pass the baby and Rich had chocolate pecan pie and Diana had a Sunday.

William fell asleep on ride home and fussed a little when we put him into his PJs. He slept for 10 minutes and when he woke up with Mom and Rich, he started crying. I kept reading, but he kept crying and nothing would stop him, so I came up and he stopped crying. That’s the first time that happened to me, where I soothed him. My mother felt a little bad that he would not stop crying for her.

159. Chicago Finally

Our 8:30 flight was delayed till 2:30. So we tried to get onto the 9 o'clock flight. The 10 o'clock flight. The 11 o'clock flight. The 12 o'clock flight. William did not mind so much. We would have gone home, but we put his jacket in the luggage, and that was gone. I did not have my book, so I bought a Hillerman paperback. I took a few naps. Poor Diana did not nap. William seemed to be OK, and did not mind. He was interested in all the people and looking around.

He took the flight well, no problems. He charmed a few women, as usual. The steward would not take the diaper, "I can't" and I got to take it to the trash. I changed him on the changing table in the toilet for his big stinky poop. He slept at take off and landing. He looked out the window some and played.

We got our luggage quickly, bundled up for the cold Chicago weather, and waited to be picked up. Mom and Rich were very glad to see him. Mom got him some outfits. Rich seems to be pretty in tune with him, he notices when he needs a change of venue or is tired.

Thanksgiving dinner was good; my mother is a wonderful cook. My mother gave him a bath. She said, "You guys don't use baby powder?!" She put him into the crawl position, which he did not move from, but held for a while, which I have never seen him do before. My mother seems preposterous at time, but she actually does get some results sometimes. One of my mom's friends came over, and we all chatted, and we doted on William, my little narcissistic projection. Then we went up stairs to watch TV and everyone fell asleep, except me and Rich, and I really wanted to sleep. William ended up sleeping with us. My parents keep it kind of cold, which I remember, but Diana and William are not so used to.

He woke up 3 times in the night. The final time I got up with him, after having a dream with Cliff in Vava, where we were at a party. We let Diana sleep in a little bit. He sucked on a teething biscuit. I got some coffee. Fed him breakfast. My mother thought I spoiled him back always picking him up when he cries. Rich got up and held him for a while. Then Diana got up and fed him and he's fallen asleep.

He likes the light in the dining room. My mother got more biodegradable diapers, and had a basket of foods and whatnot for him. She wants to go to target to get a walker for him.

158. Early Morning

I just put 3 pajamas I love into the storage container for Virginia's, because the pajamas are for 6-9 months. He needs at least 12 month, or 12-18 months. Eighteen months fits loose, but he can wear them. Virginia called, the funeral is tomorrow for Diana's mother's father. We leave for Chicago, where it's snowing. Diana said, "William's first snow." William is getting more and more insistent on getting what he wants. He arches his back, and points to his mother. Last night I was very tired, and I was quickly overwhelmed by taking care of him. Diana insists on packing everything and I don't mind. I snapped a little, and Diana sent me to bed. I know karma is not some kind of divine pay back, like something bad happens always because of something else bad, but I had a horrible horrible nightmare, and the alarm went off just after I woke up.

157. Projected Narcissism

Tuesday I was hoping to go to my sangha meeting, but I lost energy even though I got a good night's sleep. I think my fatigue is more than one night's sleep. Consequently, Diana told KayLa to come over to help her out. So when I didn't go, we decided to go out to dinner. It was nice to have dinner, though Diana is in a bit of a daze.

Aida gave KayLa permission to miss school, so she could be the one to helping out Wednesday. Alex, who's taken care of William 7 days while Abuela is in Ecuador, finally had to begin working. So I drove KayLa home to get some clothes and whatnot. I talked to Aida a little. Then we went to Joseph's to give him the Play Station 2, for his good grades. I never had time to play it. I'm trying to get rid of things, that was the easiest to give up. Then we went to Alex's to pick up the stroller and other things from her time taking care of William.

The bad news was that Diana's grandfather died. Diana called me when we were at Joseph's. He was suffering, and it was good his daughter got to see him. Virginia missed seeing him, but she'll be there for the funeral if she changes plans and does not continue on her vacation. Victor told Diana and he was all broken up, couldn't talk.

When we got home William was asleep. But he woke up and stayed awake till 1am. KayLa took care of him for a while, while I finished the new Yalom book of essays. I did dishes, and William played quietly to himself for a long time. It's nice to have her around, and Diana got some much needed sleep. But I got exhausted, and set him down in bed. So eventually he woke her up, and she breast fed him till he fell asleep. But because he was awake a lot last night, and I expect her grief, Diana called off work. Which is good, I'm glad she did that. Now she and KayLa can take care of William. Not too much pressure on either, and I won't worry about all 3.

Tomorrow we go to Chicago for Thanksgiving. I'm very much looking forward to seeing Mom and Rich. I told Elizabeth that love it when people dote on William, and she said, "he's a narcissistic projection of yourself, of course you would." I say provocative things all day, I'm a bit of an imp, I blow off some steam between clients, so maybe she's paying me back. Of course everyone is narcissistic to some degree, it's often a good thing. I really hope I see the real William, and am not projecting all the time. Also being with Mom and Rich will feel cozy. I hope to get some sleep and have some time to read. Mom says she'll keep him at night, and that we can go out one night to see some blues music. William was good on the flight down to Atlanta, so I'm not worried about flying. Diana has had the pleasure of her mother being around a lot, and I'm a bit envious because mom can be comforting.

I'd better cut this short and go to work.

156. Jabber Boy

William was standing in his play pen last night, holding on to the side. He fell and was hanging on, and when Diana picked him up he cried and cried. But he finally calmed down and then finally went to bed. Diana was up with him, and also in the night. I said, "I didn't hear him." She said, "yea, you were snoring away." Diana has a class from 8:30-4 today. She has next week off, but then 3 more classes. Sunday is father's day. We drove from Virginia's in New Jersey early in the morning and I've come home after dropping her off. I fed him breakfast and played various ways. I put him in the snugglie and did some dishes. I had him in front which makes it hard, but then I put him in back. I think eventually I will figure out how to do things. He's not going to require being next to me all the time, and he'll be ambulatory soon. He's getting to be quite the talker, jabber boy. Last night and other times, he's really "talking" a lot these days. More complex vocalizations. I know I've said that before, but they keep getting more complex and complex.

Diana came home and I got to read a little bit. William fell asleep for a little while, and then he slept on me for a while, and I fell asleep. Diana came home when he was just waking up. Diana gave him a bath. We fired a few shots over the exhaustion and overwhelmed feelings we share. I used it to bring in the 3 big bags of laundry. We made up later, I admitted to my unrealistic projections and expectations.

155. He May Be A Giant

I was just watching a documentary on They Might Be Giants, and William was entranced by the music. Or maybe he's just in a docile mood. Maybe he feels better because he's had 3 poops today.

This morning was very difficult. The guy I hit kept calling for his money, and I went to the bank with William. The maintanance guys came to put the braces on the ACs. In the stress, I snapped at Diana a few times, and that just compounds the problem. I missed my mitra meeting and I haven't meditated since Tuesday, so I lose my equilibrium fairly easily.

We came over to New Jersey to do laundry and for a change of venue. I hate it that Virginia is away, she helps us out so much. Every bit seems so huge. I've felt very alone since Virginia and Diana's mother went away. It's been good in a way to be just us, but this morning was really rough. I hate it that Diana's mom is away, but Alex has been generous to fill in.

I also watched Last Letters Home, about parents, spouses, etc. reading letters home from people who died in Iraq. Very sad. I love America, but I think only the second world war was a just war, and I think it could have been conducted more skillfully. There probably could be a way not to drop the bombs. I can't even say what this quagmire is about. Very upsetting documentary. I can't even imagine reading William's last letter, though maybe it helped some people with the grief to go public.

We seem to trade off getting up in the night. The first one to raise gets the prize. William was hard to get down and I sleep with him. A little later he cries, and Diana breast feeds him and then puts him in the crib. I try to fall asleep, not think about her, worry she's sleeping in the chair with him. I got with him when the sun came up, and he ate a huge breakfast. Quite astonishing. Then the crazy stressful morning began. Lost my equanimity. But it's been nice to be at Gigi's even if she isn't here. It's a spacious place, cleaner air. I drive Diana to her class early in the morning and then I have William all day. My golden day with William. I should sleep so I'm not such a wastoid for him.

154. Riverdale

William got to see Will, Bart, Di and Wes tonight. Etta's bark made him cry. He was fascinated by Etta, though. Di fixed a wonderful meal, and let me eat while she held William, a real luxury.

Alex said William had a better day. He really enjoyed chicken soup she made. He may be a bit constipated. He was clingy again, and she went to the bathroom with him on her lap. Not as bad as the day before.

No mother's helper tonight. KayLa wants to be a pediatrician. I drove her home last night, which took me away from William more. I went to a child abuse course to get my LMSW license finally. I said I'd get it quickly at work. They showed some disturbing pictures. I'm at the point in my life where anything that takes me away from William is very hard. I resented it even though the teacher was really good.

The godfather Paul helped us Sunday to put the crib down a level. William is getting stronger and might climb out.

153. KayLa

Diana is very overwhelmed, and she did a smart thing in hiring KayLa to assist us in the evenings during the week. Take a little pressure off us. I'm out some nights, tonight with the sangha meeting, tomorrow I have a child abuse class I need to take to get licensed. I need to go to the doctor, I've run out of my high blood pressure medication. Life is so complicated. So a little help isn't so bad. KayLa could use a little scratch too. She's sweet, William likes her. She's Aida's niece. She's in high school, took care of her brothers so she's experienced. Diana trusts her and I trust Diana's instincts. I don't trust anyone, even myself.

He supposedly slept a lot today. Monday he usually sleeps a lot, but there was a lot of hubbub at Diana's mother's as she packed for Ecuador. When I got there, Emma was there, with her new teeth. I can honestly say I don't care she's cutting teeth before William. I didn't like to hear she can sit up, William hasn't sat up from the flat ground, only from a pillow, he needs assistance. Maybe they forgot to mention that. Emma is a cuttie. So are AJ, Natasia and Venus. So with all around, William was excited. He slept a lot today with Alex. He's a bit weepy too, he dropped a toy and cried. He's still a little under the weather. Poor bubbub.

Read in the Stern book, that babies 5-7 months recognize faces a week later after seeing pictures for less than a minute. Also that babies can distinguish between their mother's voice and others in the womb. Mostly the book is pretty complicated, and I'm not reading it in concentrated efforts it requires, but I do like some of the ideas like "paradoxical sleep". That's sleep that doesn't fit into the pattern. Better go to bed, I'm knackered.

152. Guilt

I woke up from a haze of sleep, to realize I had turned the baby monitor off. William had been crying for a while. I don't know how long. I felt terrible. He had torn down the mobile too, really a sign of play, but in my guilt riddled mind, an act of desperate destruction at being betrayed. He was weepy and didn't want milk. He sat next to me, and every once in a while leaned into me, because he needed a hug. And I had to quickly bundle him up into his snow suit, and take him to his grandmother's. I confessed my transgression to her, and she took it to mean that Diana had turned off the monitor, which she had not, and she told Diana at work, and she was infected with a horrible wracking guilt.

I got to Diana's parent's place and it was packed. Natasia, Venus, AJ, Emma, Harry, Angelique, plus Veronica and of course Abuela and Abuelo. Bubbub did not seem to want to have anything to do with me, my guilt interpreted his interest in Natasia and Venus playing, as ignoring me.

Diana is struggling with me going back to work. She's behind at work, she feels bad as a wife and as a mother. She will find the balance, I feel confident in her.

151. Seven Months Old!

William took a nap for a while Sunday afternoon. He woke up and I gave him some lunch. He likes the fruits but not so much the other stuff. William could sit and play at times, and at others he had to be held. Using the aspirator to get snot out is very traumatic for him, he cries a lot. I only do it once in a while.

Doing things with William in your arms can be difficult, but I fixed myself lunch. I gave William a bath. he likes to hold onto the shower sprayer. Abuela came over around 4. She took him over to Alba's. Supposedly William had a good time. He likes Brian and Nicole and especially Jacky. They brought him home, and we lowered the crib because he puts his arms on the side and pulls himself some, but not up or over. He can't sit up unless there's a pillow on his back, so he can't get into that position to pull, and he can't pull himself over, but he's going to be doing that soon. So we lowered it a little bit. Paul, who was over, helped us out a little bit.

William is 7 months old today. Quite the whipper snapper.

150. Sunday

I love giving William a bath. I love feeling his body. He has such a cute face when he's in the water, it does something to him. Water in his eyes does not hurt him, if there is no soap. He looks really cute wrapped in the towel. I love rubbing lotion on him after the bath. After the bath he smells good. His hair can be a little wild after a bath.

Shantideva has a line about bathing the Buddhas in The Boddhisattva Way Of Life, and I thought of William. Nagabodhi asked me how has my dharma practice changed in having a baby. That's a really good question that could have lots of answers. I love being in the moment with him. We were talking today about Shantideva's text, and he writes about being a slave to others if that's what you need. That's what it means to be a Boddhisattva. Some balk at that kind of language, it has some pretty negative connotations. But I think I'm a slave to William. There are other answers to that question. He stretches me, in a way my spiritual life does too. He has helped me to understand more of the world. It's wonderful to just watch someone develop, and maybe that's not part of Buddhism, but you can see how someone is getting conditioned.

Sunday is Father's day. Diana has her class, and I'm often all alone with William. Virginia has helped out once. We're so lucky to have Clema, Virginia, Alex and Aida to help out. Clema takes care of William during the week, in the day time from 8:30-3:30, and then goes to work. She's essentially working 2 jobs, one for free. We owe her. Virginia provides resources like her house and gifts and even raw money. She shares her wealth in a surprising way. She shares her time when possible. Her weekend over night watching of William has given us the gift of uninterrupted sleep many weekends. Alex has watched William so I could go on interviews. Yesterday she brought a bunch of presents from her mom's. A new bath gizmo, a car sun screen, bibs, formula. She's bought many teething items for William which he loves. She's going to take care of William Tuesday through Friday unless my aunt Di asks to have a day. Aida is the least helpful to us, but she's also the one with a child, she's a single mother, and has a housing crisis at the moment. Others help out too, but these are the most I see helping us out.

Today all are out, and I'm feeling a little sick, but I can ignore it enough to take care of William, who is a little congested too. He hates the aspirator which sucks the snot out of his nose. But he wakes up sometimes when he can't breath, making tiredness another problem on top of the stuffy head.

Last night in exhaustion around 1, I laid down and tried to get William to fall asleep. I'd had a few false starts. Luckily Diana did not mind breast feeding him a little, which did the trick. I woke up at 6, right when the sun started to light the world a little bit. He drank a little and fell asleep very quickly. I'm not sure if Diana tended to him before she went off to class, but he woke up again around 9:15. Quite a late sleep.

I fed him breakfast and played. I put him in the swing while I did some dishes, until he got tired of it. I put him in the snugglie the other day to do dishes. He's waving around, trying to grab things. Diana said in one of her anthropology classes they said that the peasants who wrap their children and carry them all the time, make them passive. William is not passive, he tries to grab.

I continue to try to read to him, but all he wants to do is play with the pages, crush them with his hands, put the corners of the books into his mouth. Natasia read to him last night, keeping the book out of reach. She's so sweet to William. She makes him laugh. She went to change his diaper when Alex jokingly asked her to.

William is probably going to wake up from his morning nap soon, so I better post this.

149. Sick

William got a cold. He came down with it Wednesday afternoon, and was really congested. Thursday, he's gone back and forth, there were times when he felt better, but he also needed a lot of holding and cried easily at times. I sneezed once, and he cried. Friday he seemed to rally, but the cold seemed to go down into his chest. We've got a call into our pediatrician, but he seems OK.

William is able to voice his displeasure and try to get when he wants. He arches his back to not get into the car seat. He pushes your hand away, he moves his head, he really just tries to get what he wants.

Friday night I watched William while Diana got out and went to see The Incredibles. She liked it. Virginia was here, she said goodbye to William. She went on vacation to see Costa Rica and Ecuador.

I think I caught William's cold. My throat really hurts. I'm feeling pretty low. I'm tired, I got into an accident, there's trouble in the family, and Diana's grandfather is dying and her mother is going down to Ecuador to say goodbye.

148. Scribbles

William is talking in more diverse ways, making more different sounds. He's moving in much more complicated ways. I noticed his hands seem much bigger when I got back, and today I thought his head was bigger. Diana's mom said he took a 2 hour nap and then a 1 hour nap today, more sleep than usual. He cries when I leave the room, after I come home. Diana's mom thinks he's teething. She gave him some infant yogurt to eat, he's getting used to a lot of different new foods.

William woke up at 4, and then at 8. Diana's mom said he was very playful today. When I got home he was feeding, sort of. Really he was putting his food all over his face. I gave him a bath. He's fussy tonight.

William did his first scribbling. He took Diana's pencil and worked it over a sheet of paper. Crude, primitive, but his first work of genius.

I'm sure my lack of time with William is being reflected in these notes. I can hardly write them. Anyway, I celebrate him.

147. Retreat and Return

Driving away from William Friday night I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, sort of like the one I had when I went to work the first day. I'd signed up for a retreat a while ago, and somehow it was this weekend. And I'd promised to drive people up. Ultimately everyone but Alyssa canceled, but still she wanted to go. I was planning on driving Nagabodhi back. It's a great honor to do something for such a wonderful dharma teacher. I've bowed out of a lot of things in my day, and I want to become a man of my word. But the pain was acute. But soon enough I was distracted, and the retreat went really well. I meditated a lot, learned a lot through lectures and small groups. I learned a lot more about the FWBO puja, which I'd already come to love on a Manapa retreat almost 2 years ago. And I learned more about Shantideva's text that it's based on. I got to be outdoors, eat good food, meet some really nice people, and see some old friends. And I got to get some distance from my first 6 plus months with William. And a good night's sleep. Alyssa drove, back, she's a good driver. I got to know Nagabodhi better.

When I got home Sunday evening, William was asleep. I got to hold him for a while, but I was glad when he woke up when I put him down in the crib. That's almost a certain way to wake him up, put him down in the crib. He gave me a special smile that I will never forget. And a nice one in the morning too. And a nice one when I came home today. He's such a sweety, I'm devoted to him. I vow to make the most of every opportunity to be with him. Tonight we're very exhausted and everyone is going to bed at 9.

146. Retreat

William can turn a light off and on.

I went to bed at 9:30, and William woke up again at 10. I put him down and he started crying, so I laid with him on my chest. He slept the night in our bed because he's a little feverish with his shots. He awoke again at 1. Diana decided to take the day off because she's so tired, and she wants to be with him.

William is soon going to outgrow his knit outfits, which are kind of nice and dress up. So she's been putting them on him today. He spit out some of the tylenol Diana gave him, that's red, and that stained one.

I hate to go away. I feel I'm abandoning William and Diana. And after a week of working. I'm going on a retreat for the weekend.

145. Doctor's Visit

Thursday night, William slept on Diana for a while, and then I took a shift. I love the way he smells after a bath. He is moist, from sweat and residual moisture from the bath. I read in bed and started getting very drowsy, so I put in him the crib. He cried once. Diana had to do report cards. I'm trying to finish A Primer Of Supportive Therapy. I can't stay up and watch the election coverage.

I checked briefly the Times web site when I got up at 3:30 to feed William. I put him down and he woke up again, so I laid in bed, and he woke up. Diana got up and breast fed him. She fed him again when she woke up later. He slept till 8 Wednesday morning.

Diana's mother made me lunch, expecting me to come again today. Opse. I was bogged down with work.

I met them at the doctor's. William is 22 lbs. We thought he would weigh more. He's 28 inches long. His head, height are 90%ile, weight is 95%ile. He gave us a list of food we can give him. Bubbub didn't like the doctor looking in his ear, and he was already crying when he got the 4 shots. He got a flu shot.

Diana is feeding him dinner now. I've skipped sangha night, and Pali Cannon study to spend more time with William.

144. Three Times

William is feeding. He's had a bath. I poured the water and he tried to grab it. He's still beguiled by water. He's had his dinner. He was breathing very hard through his nose, maybe he was playing with a booger. He should fall asleep. I'm so tired. I got up at 2:30 last night to feed him.

Two days of work and I'm very tired. My first day was hard because I really missed William. I felt it in the pit of my stomach when I drove to work. I could not look at his picture without having a pang of pain. Today I went over for lunch, so I got 35 minutes with him, and that felt better. It's different not to be around him so much, I miss the schedule. Last night I spent a lot of time with him, but tonight I find that I'm exhausted. That's what I don't like. It's easier in the evening tough, because we're both tired and want to be with him.

William watched Grandma Salazar, Diana and me vote today.

143. Halloween

William slept for almost 4 hours after my post. I was all awake because of coffee, and I'm not used to him taking more than a 20 minute nap. He napped laying down for about 2 hours. Then I rocked him, and held him for another 2 hours. I fed him a bottle, that he drank down after about 3 hours.

Diana took him off to Abuela's to join the group for trick or treating. When I got there, they were not there. I called Diana's cell, and I heard it ringing there. I called Villo, and hers rang there. Aida, bless her, had her cell phone on her. I met up with them. They were coming home. I took a million pictures of Emma as Piglet and William as Pooh.

I went out to dinner with Paul, and when I came home, I printed out some of the cute pictures. Harry and AJ helped Diana bring William home. Alex came over and gave us her fish, we're fish sitting. I took his Pooh outfit off, and she put it back on and took 2 pictures.

Odds and Ends: There's a new version of Beautiful Boy by Celine Dion. It makes Diana cry. I read in the magazine Baby Talk, that the editor looks forward to Monday because the weekends can be so hectic. TGIM. I guess after looking after William from 8-6 alone, I felt a little that way. Still, he's wonderful and I'm going to miss spending the morning with him tomorrow.

142. Weekend

I went shopping with Virginia yesterday. William took it pretty well, though getting in and out of the car is confusing, because he falls asleep, then is awoken. We went to Trader Joe's, then the Mall. Virginia did not see any costumes she liked. I got William some booties that fit him, all our shoes didn't fit him, either they're too small or too big. The woman in the store was charmed by William. I got Diana some dark chocolate. I got a new cassette thing so I could play my iPod in the car. Virginia exchanged some stuff at Ann Taylor and I bought a poster for my new office (I can't hear "office" without hearing Rich say, "orifice") of a nature shot, with water falls and a rainbow for $4. Bubbub wasn't the only child at the mall, so many families. Plus they have blue laws, stores are closed on Sunday in that county of NJ, so the malls were packed. We went to Babies 'R Us and stocked up on goodies, and got some important bibs, toys and other fun stuff. I don't really like shopping, but I like shopping for William.

Back at home we were all sort of tired. We watched Something's Gotta Give, which I enjoyed. I hate it when I'm pushing William off onto others, but I get so tired sometimes. I felt a little that way this morning too, but I'm trying to focus on spending time with him, store it up, for tomorrow I work. I drove Diana to her 8:30 Sunday class from NJ, and then came home. I took William for a long walk with the nice warmth, the leaves are turning and falling. I ended up at a bagel place and got myself a bagel. William charmed a few people with his good looks there. He finally fell asleep giving me a chance to walk around without him glued to me. I love him, but I think my tolerance for him being attached to me is lower than Diana, Abuela, Virginia, and Zane. Maybe I'll use the snuggly, which I got out of the car, to walk around and do things with him attached to me. Diana just called to check on William. He is fine. She's going to Aida's to pump.

141. Precious sleep

Generous Virginia kept William last night. I got 9 hours of precious sleep. He would not go to bed until midnight. All 3 of us walked and tended to him, to try and get him to sleep. It's so wonderful to watch Virginia enjoying William. And it's nice to see Diana get 9.5 hours of sleep.

Now that I'm going back to work, we're going to be sharing the night time responsibilities. Already there is a child care crisis. Aida and Diana have late meeting 3 out of 4 Mondays a month. Abuela has been picking up Natasia. Paquita stays till 4:30 with Elizabeth's kids. Virginia is going to Boston. Alexandra is going to Boston Sunday. Diana might have to skip the meeting, or we might have to look outside the box for someone who is free to take care of William on Monday.

I've been taking all kinds of pictures of William with Virginia's excellent camera. I have some precious shots.

Virginia reports William woke up at 6. Then he went to sleep again till 8. I came down at 9, and William took another little nap around 10. We didn't bring any cereal so William had brunch. Diana fed him while I held him, because we don't have a feeding seat. William took Virginia's glasses off. Kind kind Virginia. Now we're going out shopping so Diana can work on a paper. We're taking William.

140. Last weekday

William was glad to see me, Thursday coming home from Abuela's, and I was very glad to see him. I danced around, and he enjoyed that. I picked him up and hugged him. He actually hugged me back! It was the best celebration to getting a job I could imagine.

I got some good video of him talking to his hand, and flapping the towel on the changing table, thrashing around. I've been in a good mood, getting a job and all. William has enjoyed my good mood. Everyone has congratulated me on getting the job.

Virginia took us out to Jackson Diner, even though she doesn't really like spicy Indian food. We put William into his winter suit. There are lots of families in there, it's a family friendly place. We sat next to a couple with an older child and a 5 month old. William woke up, and was grabbing for everything. On the ride home, Virginia had to stop quickly, and Diana screamed. That woke William up, and Virginia got upset because she thought maybe something happened, and it was her fault. Nothing happened, and it wasn't her fault, but when William cried, she cried too.

William was serious looking and tired at the restaurant. He pitched a fit when he was woken up in the car. But when he got home he came alive, and was thrashing into the night. We were up till midnight. Finally he went to sleep after midnight. I had insomnia with the excitement and worry about my new job on Monday and stayed up later than I wished I would have. I got up and read some at one point. Diana woke me at 7, William was still awake and she had to go to work. So I drove her.

There was a car accident by Diana's parent's friends, and so Abuela did not want William today. I fed him lunch for the first time in a while, and then took him to return a book at the library. William fell asleep and when Diana came home I took a 3 hour nap. Yikes. Now we're off to NJ for the weekend.

139. Got a job

I got a job. I start Monday. Tomorrow will be the last day I'm going to be taking care of William during a week day that is not a holiday or vacation. It's going to be sad. I'm going to keep him all day, no sharing with Abuela, now that she's going to have him every week. It's been a wonderful 6.5 months! I'm going to bring in a million pictures of my son to the clinic.

138. Sleep

William was thrashing, waving a towel around. I came in and we watched him, and then he became self conscious and stopped and looked at me. We both laughed. His level of movement and vocalization has increased markedly over the past few weeks, I think his body is maturing so he can do things. He's much more verbal, which makes me take his "mamamamama" less serious. It's hard for me to judge when he's complaining all the time.

Diana fed him pears and winter squash, with a little bit of carrot and then apple sauce. She breast fed him, and he fell asleep around 8. Diana fell asleep around 9:15. At 9 she doggedly insisted she would watch West Wing. But she soon came in to go to bed.

William woke up at 2. I heard him rustling for a while, before he cried. He was awake. I fed him a little then changed his diaper. He put his foot in the poop, and I had to turn on the light to manage things better. He was still awake, and I was so tired, so I put him back in bed. He was fine for a while, but Diana got up when he cried. Strangely, I could not fall back to sleep then. Diana got him to sleep, though.

He didn't wake up for Diana and she pumped. He woke up at 7. I was having an aliens taking over the world dream. He was fussy, and had to be closely watched. I fed him and he cried a little bit at the end. No fair putting food in his mouth when he opens it to complain. He fell asleep, and slept from 8:20-8:55. He smiled in his sleep, and woke up in a more pleasant mood.

I took him over to Abuela's so I could shave and iron my shirt for my interview today. He seemed a bit put out that I was taking him over so early. He reached out for me, and didn't want to go back to Abuela. She pouted, but I felt good. Silly really.

137. Lucky

William went to bed around 7:30 on Tuesday night. He woke enough to eat a few times. When I got home at 9:37 he was sprawled on Diana, who's eyes were blinking like she had a hard time staying awake. After Scrubs, I turned the TV off, and we went to bed. Diana fell asleep before she could even undress. Poor lamb is so tired, she can't even get undressed. I was a little worried, because that is what happened last Thursday before she got a migraine. I got up at 3 when William woke up, and he cried when I put him back down at 3:15, so I slept with him on the couch until 4. Diana got up at 5. She put him in bed at 7, to go to work and he woke up. In those situations I might as well get up and take Diana to work by car, so I did. Diana put on a red sweat suit with Tigger on the front. He looked very cute. I attributed to William an appreciation of the sun on the clouds as I took him to the car. Driving I appreciated the turning leaves. William fell asleep and that let me check the oil which I've neglected to check in a while. It was alright.

He woke up when I took him out of the seat. I brought him in and set him in various place: the couch, the floor (with a blanket underneath), the bed, his crib, his swing, his feeding chair. He's quickly discontent. When he walks around, he points his arm, and likes it when I let him explore where he wants. But the trouble is he starts to wreck things, so there's only so much of that I can do. I try to get him to play with his toys, but he's more interested in what he can not get to. I put a teddy bear so it's foot hangs down over the shelf above where we change him. He always contorts to try and get it, making diaper changing a bit harder. He did stay in his crib a while. I also noticed that if I hold him for a while, he will stay somewhere longer. I suppose it's all ways the mob boss gets me to stay near him. Sometimes he just voices discontent, like the car behind you honks when the light changes, just in case you were not paying attention.

He did not eat much breakfast. He smooshed the oatmeal all over his face and hair. I called him oatmeal face for a while. I played Rapper's Delight to try to improve his mood, but it didn't work, he was dumbstruck. Last night when I was eating, he was opening his mouth along with me. He grabs the spoon which makes for a big mess.

After a few false starts, I finally got him to nap. We laid down, and he didn't like laying on his back and woke up, so I put him on my chest. After a while I rolled, and he was laying on his side in a cute position, with his arms and tiny fists curled up around and framing his cute little sleeping face. When he woke up it was time to go over to Abuela's.

I'm very lucky Diana bore such a wonderful baby. I'm lucky to have such a hard working wife who get ambushed by sleep. I'm lucky to have an Abuelo who has yet to say no to me when I ask if I can bring William over, I hope I have not taken advantage of that. I'm lucky to have Virginia around and all her generosities. I'm lucky to have my friends, my sangha, my family. I am very lucky feeling today.

Odds and ends: I read Madonna's book Mr. Peabody's Apple, and I thought it was pretty good. Diana borrowed it from the school library. The subway is 100 years old today. William is 6.5 months. John Cleese is 65. I am 37.5

136. Tantrum

I woke up at 8am Monday morning, and snoozed until William woke up at 8:20. He tapped me on the back to let me know he'd woken up.

Also in the criticism of me and my 3 minute car move, was the idea that I left the door open. Someone could have come in and stolen William. Like there are vultures waiting to snap him up. The thinking is: Yea, the risk is small, but if it happens, you'll be sorry. I prefer not to live my life in fear. I want to be prudent, but not guided by fears. They are cute, though, the women with their concerns and their disaster scenarios. Even Paul thought I was wrong though, and thought it was just about energy. I didn't want to load him into the car seat, that was just laziness. In some ways I don't want William in the car at all, but I relent on that one. It's always a big seeming risk to me. I worry no matter who he's with and where and what he's doing, when I'm not around.

William's hair was wild this morning. Diana gave him a bath late, and it's always funny for a while. With his hair so long, he looks even more goofy. I wish Diana would let me cut his hair.

I got William at 3. He was asleep. He stayed asleep till I stopped the car to pick up Diana. Then we went over to Alex's. Having Alex gushing all over William, reminded me that Aida and Alex were fighting over William when we got to Josephine's. I remember after 10 minutes, I had him, they forgot about him.

I was video taping William. He got angry, and pitched a fit. He stopped when we gave it to him. Alex said, "it's his first tantrum." He's tired or hungry or something. I've never seen that over something.

Alex gave him a bath and I took pictures of his cowlick, that she gave him. I took her home, and D and W went to bed. Again, I moved him to his bed, after I turned out the light.

He woke up at 7 Tuesday. He took a 20 minute nap a little later, and I fed him lunch. We looked at his touch and feel books, and his shapes books. He put the shapes in his mouth, he put the books in his mouth. My mother still thinks he just needs to be taught to appreciate literature, bless her silliness. I put him in the swing and did some dishes. I took him to the Family Dollar store and bought him a little truck for a dollar, then took him to his Abuela's.

P.S. The time of posting should be correct now. And I'll get an e-mail if someone comments

135. Compared to what?

William went to bed for the final time at 2. He woke up when Diana woke up for class. And he woke up for me at 8:30. He went back to sleep after some feeding, but I couldn't get to sleep, so I got up and pottered about until he woke up later. I put him on the couch with his toys, until he arched his back. I took him for a walk. I fed him oatmeal with banana and formula mixed in.

Virginia came over and helped me take care of William. He napped on her for 36 minutes. She fed him peas and potatoes. She read the blog. She disagrees that I should not have left William in the crib to take the car into the garage, even for 3 minutes. She's worried Diana will find out. Not sure if she would tell.

Virginia went to pick up Diana. Paul came over. William fell asleep, though woke up when I put him in the crib. Aida, Natasia, Virginia and Diana came in. They saw William roll over. We had a public debate about the 3 minute car move. Seems Harry used to leave AJ in the crib while he took Venus to school. I said compared to Harry I was not so bad. Paul thought I asked for it. Knew it was coming, wanted it out of the way.

They went shopping. Diana came back when I was asleep. I did not see if the Jets won, I think they lost. Yup, they lost. Everything is coming up roses in Boston. William fell asleep after Diana gave him a bath and fed him. He slept on her, he slept on me. I got up and put him in the crib after 45 minutes, and he woke up. He ate some more.

William went into a light sleep early in the evening, and he laid by us when Diana went to bed. When I turned the light out, put him in his bed, without any wake up. Diana fed him when she woke up, and he woke up for me at 8:20. We played, I fed him the bottle, and oatmeal, and I realized I was very tired. I took him over to Abuela's. I'm lucky to have Virginia helping me out Sunday and Abuela helping me out today. Very lucky. Don't know how some people do it.

Odds and Ends: Correction: There are 5; Josephine still has the string on: Diana, Aida, Virginia, Josephine and Vava. William sucks his thumb now instead of the indiscriminate fingers in mouth. He puts his thumb in and jams it into the opposite side gums. Angry pellet count for Sunday: 4. Virginia gives him her fingers and he pulls himself up to sit up, good one that. He's gone from step 1 in baby food to step 2.

134. New Car Seat

Diana said, "why can't it be a cloudy day." It's cloudy now. Diana cried when she saw the photos with his hair slicked back. Zane and Bridget sent William a Halloween bear that glows in the dark. It's a bear in a skeleton costume. I took William to the library. He didn't like being in the library that much, he started crying to go. An Asian woman was wowed by him on the street and had to say hello and ask questions about him.

I slept for 5 hours. Diana reports William slept some. He kept throwing books off the coffee table. Diana is calling William "Bubbub".

Diana finally got to see William turn over. She was outside of the room, and then stood in the doorway and did not speak. When he turned over, she grabbed him, screaming with joy, which freaked him out a little bit. She fed him, and he fell asleep. She clipped his nails so he will not scratch him.

We took William over to his grandparent's house. Jimmy, Paquita, Checho, and Natasia were there. We gave them some photos I printed out. Checho hasn't had any photos so it was good to give her 2. And Jimmy and Paquita got 2. I played connect 4 with Natasia and took some pictures. It was hot and I left, which they thought was very funny. They call me Cinderfella. Diana reports Natasia enjoyed playing with him. Diana's father, Abuelo, joked about being able to hold William for more than 2 minutes. They call me the 2 minute man, because I get tired of William when women are around. When I'm alone with him for 8 hours, I'm not the 2 minute man, but things stick, don't they.

Diana came home at 2:15. William was still awake, and stayed awake till 3. He woke up 4, and drank 4 oz. Diana said, "I didn't hear him." I said, "yea, you didn't break your stride of snoring." Diana said, "Oh yea, this week, I came into the room, and you were snoring and I thought it would wake William up, so I put him in the crib instead of laying him next to you."

So William woke up around 8. I took care of him until Diana woke up, before I had to go. I'm thinking of canceling the paper again, I don't really have time to read it. I do enjoy it so, though.

I next caught up with William et al, when they drove up in Abuelo's car. We put William into our car, without taking him out, and drove to Alex's. We took Alex to an appointment. We waited for her, and then drove to Josephine and Michael's to see the 3 day old Ava. Sweet cute tiny Ava. I took a bunch of pictures and we all marveled at how light she was. Josephine seems to be doing well, though in a little pain. Ashley was there, but Jen wasn't. Evan and his father came home, and Evan entertained us with his antics and play. Virginia joined us, and brought the larger car seat. Now William faces forward in his new bigger car seat. He'd outgrown his old one.

Driving home was difficult because William cried a lot, perhaps tired, perhaps sick of being in the car, perhaps disliking the new car seat. He had a grade A crying jag. Fighting our way through New Jersey, Manhattan, Brooklyn and finally to Queens.

133. Migraine

They're popping out like Champaign corks in the Bosox locker room. Ryan was born at 9:53am Thursday, he's almost 8lbs & is 21 inches long, son of Sandra and her boyfriend, brother to Robyn, daughter of Victor, Diana's brother. When Diana wakes up, I'm going to have her call Josephine to congratulate her on Ava Olivia, born Wednesday. Maybe we'll go see her in the hospital today.

I must admit to the wisdom of living by Diana's parents. At first I didn't want to, and I wondered about the location. But now I can take William over for little or large breaks, and it's very convenient.

I fed William while he was very fussy. Then when I took him to his Abuela's, he fell asleep in the stroller. Poor puppy was tired. Diana brought him home, and he gobbled the milk for a long time, until they both fell asleep.

Diana "fell out". She slept with William, and then he woke up. I took him into the room to let her sleep. We played for a while, and he got fussy, so I thought he was tired (he'd eaten and had a diaper changed). But when Diana woke up he fed him baby food, and maybe he was hungry for baby food. He's had 4 meals today, Diana's mother fed him too. He's also had 4 little poops.

Diana again fell out when I was reading her some Thich Nhat Hanh writing on mothers, from the anthology that Andrew gave me, and that Alyssa said was good. William stayed up till 1. I'm trying to think "stay awake" instead of "fall asleep" because my desire has no influence. I struggled with him this morning too, I knew he needed sleep. He finally fell asleep when I gave him to his mother, who took the day off. I woke up and found her next to me. She called in sick because she was getting a migraine. Poor lamb is so stressed out. For some reason I was a little testy this morning too, William seemed particularly fussy and unwilling to fall asleep.

132. Shout!

Congratulations to Josephine and Michael, and the birth of her daughter Ava Olivia, born at 8:53am; 6lbs 11oz; 19 3/4 inches, by C-section yesterday. That makes another peer for William, from family members and friends, a group that includes Emma (Harry and Angie), Braxton (Whitney and boyfriend), Nicole (Jacky and Szolt--3 months younger), Alex (Morris and boyfriend--almost 5 months), and Ava, 6 months younger. Sandra is pregnant. She's Victor's ex-wife. Since the boy will be Robyn's sibling, he will be part of the "family". I hear Virginia in my head saying, "of course they're family," but I could be wrong.

I missed the evening with William. I had my dharma study with Vajramati. We went over the Latukikopama Sutta (#66 in the Majjhima Nikaya). Then I went to Ray and John's for the Bosox win! Poor John got a little upset when they took out Lowe. Martinez gave up 2 runs and he thought that was letting the Yankees, who he called vampires, back into it. He got rather upset. But it ended well, and now they are on to the world series. I'm glad I didn't bring William, it got a bit loud there for a while.

Of course William got up the most early he's gotten up all week at 7:20. He was strangely not very hungry. He had a sip from the bottle, and a sip later. He let me read the paper a little, and then laid in bed a little, but got kind of cranky, so I walked him till he fell asleep again. I wondered what this is going to do to his nap routine. I was strangely awake. He woke up and we played, I fed him oatmeal, and then I took him for a walk. Of course I forgot it's Thursday not Wednesday, so the library was not open yet. And the cheap grocery store does not have any coffee beans. I did some dishes, while William was in the swing. He's learned to yell. It's cute now, but I can see the day when it's not.

Odds and ends: Reading about the janjaweed forces in Darfur Sudan is upsetting. I'm glad William, Diana and I are safe. I find what is going on there horrible. Correction: Aida also still has the string from the circle of protectors at the naming ceremony. Aida, Diana, Virginia and Vava have it still. William has had 3 little turds this morning, each one a labor to squeeze out. An angry little pellet as Philip Roth writes in the novel Portnoy's Complaint. They turned on the heat, so it's not so cold in here.

131. Tug of war

I tried to let Diana do work last night, but I get tired, and when she's there, it's natural to hand him off to her. She's the one who can feed him with her body. She didn't mind tonight, but I have done that in the past, and I'm trying not to. William fell asleep, but then he woke up when I tried to take his bib off in preparation for bed. Diana fed him some more. She's not producing as much milk, but I think she's still producing and it's not gotten less, it seems to have stabilized.

We put him to bed, and settled in, and he woke up. I got up and watched the rest of the Yankees game. I'm glad they lost. I hope they lose tonight and their season is over. I want to see A-Rod pouting in the dugout. Poor poor multimillionaire playing a kids game, playing for the NY mercenary all stars.

Diana got up at early for work and I saw her carrying William, so she must have fed him. I fed him at 8, and then he fell asleep and slept till 10, a new record. I had crazy dreams in that time.

He didn't want to sit for long, nor play at his gym, though he did that longer. I fed him oatmeal for breakfast. He's good at slowing things down when he doesn't want to eat. They say don't feed them too early because they can't refuse it, and they can over eat. Well, I'm not worried William will over eat, he lets me know. I'm so into pressing food on him, that I worry he's a "snacker". They said that was the danger in the hospital. I'm not sure that's real. If he cried for food at the least hint of hunger, maybe, but he builds up, like in all things.

I ran out and put the car into the garage, to avoid a ticket. He wasn't crying when I got back, and it only took me 3 minutes. I timed it. I was torn, I didn't want to struggle him into the car seat for a 1 minute ride. I didn't want to risk holding him. So I chose the dash while he was in the crib. I think leaving him in the crib for 3 minutes is not a crime, but why do I feel so guilty about it?

I gave him a bath. I think the key to bathing William is going slow, and not getting too attached to results, and of course safety. It's difficult to wash his hands before he puts them into his mouth. Diana always moves the dish soap, which I find annoying, but today when he reached for it, I understood why she moves it. He grabbed the bowl I use to splash water over him, and then I got another one. He grabbed that one too. I laughed writing that, he's so funny. I put him on my shirt, which makes me a little wet, but makes putting on his special towel with the hood on, easier.

He loves the wash cloth. We played a little tug of war with it, and that got him laughing. I don't really like him sucking on it, but I guess that's how he learns that soapy water is not so much fun to drink.

He watched some of the Baby Einstein Bach, which he watched intensely, but arched his back after a while, so I shut it off and took him away. I called Abuela. She was willing to take him for a few hours, let me get some things done, get him outside, let him bond with his Abuela. He fought getting dressed up for the trip some, but I can make him laugh. I don't want to play that hand too much. I put him in the stroller, and he cries when I get out of sight, like when I have to get my socks. I guess that's attachment behavior to cry when I'm not in sight. I like to get him outside, and he always is glad to see his Abuela. I give her an outline of the morning, and asked her to feed him lunch. He hadn't had his 11 o'clock nap, because he got up late, so he probably took a nap. I've had lunch and read some of the Sports Illustrated. I've got to read for dharma study tonight, and I want to read more of Stern's book on babies. So much to do, so little time.

130. Dinner Time

William slept till 8:30. That's gold, and I woke up before him and prepared for my interview, which is not easy with him. Somehow I got him to Abuela's in the rain. I got to Coney Island on time. I went back to Abuela's to check in and see if she didn't mind keeping him longer. I was exhausted. I needed a nap. I collapse on Tuesday and Thursday it seems. Hugging and kissing him was so sweet. If it's possible to fall deeper and deeper in love with him, I am.

So I slept and Diana got him, and brought him home. He was so happy to see me, with his flapping arms and whatnot. I push his long hair behind his ears, out of his eyes so he can see. Diana still doesn't want a hair cut. I just notice he tilts his head to try to see under his hair.

Diana and I have never been good at fixing dinner. I went out and got some lettuce and chicken for some chicken salad. I bought a bunch of these organic sesame noodle frozen meals that are cheap because they are new. We have enough food for William. When I got home, William was gobbling down his dinner: sweet potatoes and apples. He's eating more and more. He's getting better at the whole feeding process.

He sat on the couch while Diana fixed dinner. Those annoying little postcards to get the New Yorker were a great toy to him. He likes to twist his wrist and they were small. I'm thinking of writing them and than them for something I've always thought was always annoying. I have some anxieties about him putting everything in his mouth, but what are you going to do?

Diana steamed the asparagus I got. I wanted to give him one stick, but I think he might be able to mash it with his gums. Diana said his mother wants to fix him chicken soup. She said in Ecuador children are eating more earlier. They drink colada at 3 months. Supposedly Virginia gave him some spoons the other day and he liked it. Colada by Diana's mom is strained oatmeal juice, and a little fruit juice and sugar.

While we were eating, he did a massive poop. I went to change him, but I saw Diana was done eating, so I passed the buck. I found her in the bathroom washing his feet. He put his foot in the diaper. He's a bit fussy and Diana is feeding him now. I hope she gets to bed early tonight. She's so tired. I got my nap this afternoon.

129. Natasia

William slept till 9:45, a record this morning for. Diana took a subway to her class, which was very very kind considering how late William slept. I played with him, and fed him breakfast. I took William over to Aida's, so Diana could see him at lunch, and Aida and Natasia and Kay La could see him. Aida took a nap with him after feeding him a big lunch. Natasia took her time doing her homework, because she was so distracted by us being there. I found some hair we think he pulled out of his hair. Diana kept it.

At home Diana took care of William as he slept. He took a 3 hour nap. He woke up happy, even though he had a runny nose. I took a nap myself. And then Diana went to bed, I stayed up with William. He went to bed around 11:30, but woke up and I held and rocked him some. I was watching the NY v. Boston game, but extra innings can last forever.

William got up at 7:45. Diana said he didn't wake up. She had to pump. I fed it to him when he woke up. We played, etceteras, and I fed him, and he took his 30 minute "11 o'clock" nap. I fed him peas and peaches for lunch. The excitement of the day was when we took a bath together. He was a little shocked to be in the new environment. I made more water, and I was in the tub with him. I wound up some of the bath toys and motored them toward him. He put one in his mouth. He's so slippery when he's wet, and with soap, he's even more slippery. I don't think it was the best bath, but it was a beginning and he slept in the car ride to get Natasia.

It only took me 20 minutes to get from my place in Queens near the intersection of the Van Wyche/Grand Central to 110 and 3rd Avenue in Manhattan. So I had to wait the 30 minutes I overestimated it would take. Natasia came out and I said, "where do you want to go?" She said, "McDonalds." I called Aida and she said that was all right. Natasia insisted, even though I think McDonalds is evil. She does enjoy playing in the playland. It's cool to watch other children and parents. William was fairly compliant, but got tired, and fussed, didn't drink much. He fell asleep in the car ride him. His "4 o'clock" nap. He didn't wake up coming inside.

128. Shopping!

Diana fell asleep on the couch. I fed William dinner: Sweet potatoes, apples. He ate a lot and then was pushing out another small angry little turd. That woke Diana up. Later when she was changing the diaper, he shot some out. Voided a lot. Poor little guy was a bit full. Diana gave him a bath, and I had to video tape a lot, even though we've probably got hours and hours of him taking a bath. He's such a sweety pie. He fell asleep around 8, so I know he's going to be waking us up. Diana fell asleep around 9, which is good because she needs it. They both fight sleep. Sometimes I get excited, and it takes a while to winde down.

William woke up again and stayed up till midnight. I let Diana sleep, until I had a bathroom emergency, and woke her up. She fed him till he fell asleep for the final time. He didn't wake up in the night, woke up at 6:30. He made noises at 5:30, and Diana checked on him, but he stayed asleep. Saturday is my one day to sleep in, unless we are at Virginia's, and I slept in till 9. Trebor said, "that's sleeping in?" I went to my mitra meeting. Alyssa and Trebor were there. We couldn't get into Jen's apartment, she locked a lock she said she wouldn't, so we went to Prospect Park. We had some nice talk and walking.

Poor Diana couldn't go out because I had the car seat with me, so I took her shopping. We went to babies r us, and Target, and got some excellent stuff for William (and us). Bubbub got tired, and fell asleep on the way home. We dropped him off at the grandparents. Now I'm going to take a disco nap until my party tonight.

127. Bub Bub

William slept for 90 minutes, and woke up sweetly as Amaradeva called me. He seemed in a good mood, but I wanted to take him over to his Abuela's so he could hang out with her for a little on his half birthday. I did not want to give him up, but I'll see him all evening so it's no big deal. I spent the time figuring out what photos I want to backup and upload onto snapfish.

Diana worked late, she had a workshop to do, then she stayed to do some other work. I picked up William. The Philippine gentleman who lives on our floor, who says, "hello my friend," and smiles a lot, was outside. He asked William's name, and it turns out he's William too. He said he looks like me, then he said he looks like Diana. At home he grabbed, played, drank milk, and went to sleep. He woke up and after a while I put him on the bed for his 4 front to back roll over. Just as he stopped moving, Diana arrived. She was upset she missed the roll, and she wouldn't let him fuss so he would do it.

I didn't drink coffee today, and it wasn't so bad. Just one less distraction away from William. I've been calling William "Bubub" pronounced /bub bub/. Don't know why, but I like it. I also call him Wquack Wquack, like the guy who is the eye doctor in Minority Report. I did a little drizzle rap, as I took him over to Abuela's on Friday, because it was drizzling. I talk a patter to him, "here were are at the ATM, here is a envelope to hold," which he puts onto his mouth and flaps around, drops it, and later it is replaced by a pamphlet at the library.

Virginia came over. I was meditating, and I stopped when she came over. I've become someone who stops meditating. Friday I started, but decided I was just too tired. Virginia played with William, held him, admired his size. We all went to bed eventually, not the same one. Then Virginia got a call. I took Virginia to meet up with her friends. I was not asleep, and had to read some to go to bed. William would not go to sleep before Diana had to leave, so I had to get up at the brutal hour of 6:45. I guess it's histrionic to always say, "this is the most tired I've ever been." But I felt that way this morning. I made some coffee, but that does not work enough any more when I'm tired.

We had our usual morning routine, play, holding and feeding. He would not turn over for the camera. He cried, and then fell asleep, and slept for 45 minutes at 9. When he woke up later, I took him for a walk down Main Street. Lots of kosher stores, and I feel foreign. I ended up at the library and got some books. Trying to save money by reading library books. At the grocery store, an old guy said to me, "I see you have the boss with you." He's obviously had children.

126. 6 months roll

When I got home, William was in the bath. He's so cute, splashing and putting his toys in his mouth. He looks so cute and vulnerable when he's wet, somehow. He likes to play in the bath now, sitting up, instead of laying back and sucking on his fingers. I finished the disk of photos, but when I tried to make a web site, they said the photos were not jpg, even though they were. So no new web site due to technical difficulties.

William took a long nap, so when I got back from my meeting with Vajramati and Trebor, Diana wanted to go to bed after a while. She's so tired. So I stayed up with William, who does not stay up much past his mom's going to bed. But he woke up a few hours later.

He's not liking sitting with his toys, he arches his back. So I put him on the bed and then put him on his stomach, and he turned over that way for the first time. I got quite excited and looked all over the house for a new toy, but we don't have one, so I'll have to get one later. He looked at the book Di got him, which he still likes, because it is flexible. He likes things that he can manipulate and put into his mouth. I'm afraid he's bored with all the toys we have. I put him under the gym and he did that for a while, but got tired of it too.

I fed him oatmeal with apple and formula mixed in, as a half birthday treat. He's 6 months old today. Then when he got fussy, I walked him till he fell asleep. I show him the map of America. I want to put up the map of the world. We have a map of the western hemisphere, so he can look at that. But I want the whole world.